Carebear And Co.

Working It Out

2012-01-20T12:12:00.001-06:00

Although I haven't really said much I've been working out really hard (minus the month of December when things were just too crazy). I think I'm afraid if I talk about it I'll lose my momentum or quit or something. Anyways, I just started Jillian Michael's "Ripped in 30"--completed her 30 Day Shred in September/October and lost 4 inches just off of my waist in like 12 days...worth the pain!
I usually try to do the elliptical also but the hardest part is finding the time in my day. Because my kids are without direction while I'm doing these workouts (my goal is to wake up really early and do my dvd workout then--but it doesn't always happen. Sleep trumps most things in my world.) I have to be creative to fit them in.
This morning things went so well! My littles found something fun to do. Who knew a skateboard ramp and a dump truck could equal a roller coaster?

And for me (pardon the unrotated picture-oops!) 40 minutes on the elliptical (also referred to the "helliptical" by me) was well over 450 calories burned and my husband's mp3 makes the 40 minutes go much faster. On the playlist? All different genres. One song that really touched me this morning was "I'm Forgiven" by Chris Tomlin. I've heard it a million times. And I've heard the concept more than a million times. But it touched me all over again. ..."That you my King would die for me...". In a world where kings expect anyone to be willing to give his or her life for the monarch, from the lowest of plebes to the highest position in the military, we have a King that gave His life for us! That is amazing to me.

Pride In Motherhood

2012-01-18T23:20:00.000-06:00

Pride. It gets in the way of so many areas of life. But motherhood is where it really tends to rear it's ugly head. I don't mean being proud that you're a mom or proud that you have great kids. I mean pride like the kind that goes before a fall.
I have one child in particular that has humbled me greatly.

From the time I got pregnant I thought I knew it all this time around. My first two pregnancies were totally different. Almost as different as the kids themselves. I always joked that if I ever did get pregnant a third time I would know what I was having (girl or boy) within a few weeks. Because with Lindsay (my firstborn) I was never sick. Not for a minute. Then, with Jared, I found out what women meant when they complained of nausea. Not that I vomited (just once), I just wished I could. I was miserable. And everything hurt. All. The. Time. So, I deduced that girl pregnancies were easier for me than boy pregnancies. When I found out I was pregnant with Haley I started trying to figure it out. Sure enough, I was sick. Then I wasn't. Then I was. Then I wasn't. Ok, that's funny God. (Except with the bleeding episodes I had it wasn't too funny because every time my symptoms would go away-ie I felt good-I would worry that I was going to miscarry.) So, I was clueless. Still. Baby number 3 and I still knew nothing. You'd think that would've taught me something right there.
Nope.
When she was born I was pretty sure I was a seasoned mom by now. After all, Jared and Lindsay had come out pretty good so far. Ha. First of all, the more kids you have the more divided you are. Not your love. That's the easy part. I love all of my kids with my whole heart. Each one is so special in so many ways. The hard part is keeping track of what all of them are doing at any given moment. Or not doing. And dealing with each child's behavior. "Fairly". Whatever that is.
That child cried. A Lot. And still does. A lot. I used to (pridefully) wonder why other people's children were not happy. Why they cried/screamed. Then, I realized (via my third child) that sometimes kids just do that. It doesn't always reflect on the parent good or bad.
If you would have told me (prior to my humbling child) that your child wouldn't go to bed, wouldn't eat, kept talking when you said not to, or various other annoying behaviors, I would've had THE answer. You know, the parent that says "Well, you need to....blah blah blah." Making you feel as if you must be the biggest dunderhead in all of parenting history. *Raises hand* Yes, that used to be me. But don't worry...if you come to me now...I will hug you or pat you on the back and say "I'm so sorry you're dealing with this." I might timidly offer a suggestion of something I have tried or heard of that worked, but I will ALWAYS add on the disclaimer "...but I know every child is so different."
Moms, in their pride, can get downright catty and even mean. There are so many different (good!) ways to raise your children. Remember that your journey is not your neighbor's. While you might have breastfed longer, you didn't see her tears as she tried and couldn't. Or her tears as she handed her baby over to a babysitter or daycare because she had to go back to work. (I feel that I am so blessed to have the option of staying home! I try to remember what a privilege that is on a daily basis.) Who cares if your baby was cloth diapered or disposable diapered (I mean, it's neat and there are some good reasons but it doesn't make one mother better than the other!?), whether your baby co-slept or slept through the night in his or her own crib from day 1?? (Well, if your baby slept through from day 1 I hate you a little bit. Only a tiny.) Whether you wore your baby or put him or her in a stroller.
As long as you love your child and discipline them (in whatever manner WORKS for your family!) and love them some more. Most of us are doing the best we can with what we have. And what I have might not look like what you have. And that's okay! As moms we need to be nice and supportive. Be a peacemaker. Not necessarily a peacekeeper. If someone is doing harm to her children (real harm), please, speak up. Speaking the truth in love is not the same as judging in a prideful manner. Be a good example of the parenting style you choose. If you want people to want what you have/do, represent it well. Now, after this sat in my drafts for 10 days waiting for me to have time to finish it...here goes! :) Feedback is great by the way. ;)

Pets

2011-12-27T23:07:00.000-06:00

I read somewhere once that one reason that it's good for kids to have pets (aside from the whole responsibility stuff) is that when they deal with the death of a pet they are learning lessons about death and how to deal with it. If dead pets equal kids learning to handle death healthfully?
WE ARE GOOD.
Yes, we lost another pet tonight. Sometime in September/October we lost a mouse (Myron). We'd had him for a while and that was a sad affair....we've also buried untold numbers of bunnies (who knew that some moms are temperamental and will begin a killing spree when they feel overwhelmed by the number of offspring hanging off of them? Or just have a bad day and decide that the fluffy little cotton tail sitting there...shouldn't be!?) and 2 weeks before Christmas lost our beloved dog Daphne.
Tonight it was the second mouse. BooBoo. Luckily, I don't think anyone was quite as attached to BooBoo as we were to Myron. He kind of was gross-er. Poop flinging was his hobby I think. *shudder* I think Jared was just kind of resigned this time. Wondering if he had done something wrong-the mouse had water today, the mouse had food....the mouse was still dead.
So, the shovel came out again.
At this point I have a question: Where in the world will I ever plant a garden??? I really want to plant a garden and although I will do a raised bed garden I don't want dead seeping into my veggies!

And as a side note, while reading "Green Eggs and Ham" Haley informed me that he should not eat them with a mouse because mouses have germs. Right you are my dear. We would never eat our green eggs and ham with a mouse. Dead or alive.

Homeschool

2011-12-22T17:17:00.000-06:00

Why does my homeschool not look like the homeschool of my dreams? Why do my kids not always consider learning and the joy of learning to be the privilege that it is? And why, oh why, are none of the school books EVER in the school room on the neat shelves (wait, the shelves are not "neat" as in clean, they are neat as in they are built for our school stuff) that we have?
In my dream homeschool (the one where there is a perfect mommy/teacher and little cherubs for students) we would start at 9am-and not a moment later. All the chores would be done, everyone would have gone to the bathroom already. So, we would be so happy that it was natural to start our day with prayer. It's very hard to pray and start your school day that way when everyone is already mad/frustrated/sad....

Next we would say the Pledge of Allegiance with everyone gazing admiringly at the flag-thinking about the sacrifice made by our forefathers and my grandfather and the men who have fought and died in recent years so that we have the freedom to fly that flag and to make a pledge to it. They would also be thinking of Betsy Ross who lovingly sewed that flag (well, not *that* one but you know what I mean)....Oh, and all pencils would be sharpened and all supplies (paper, folders, crayons, glue, markers, etc) would be right in the cubby that is assigned to them.
So, where are we? Yes, it's 9am and we're all sitting quietly in the school room after reflecting on the joys of our God and our country.
Everyone has their books out-beginning with the Bible Curriculum I adapted from a grown-up study just for them and typed. (I really did do this and they really do use it, I just wish they were more joyful about it-realizing the hard work I put into that study so that they would have something that was just what I wanted for them-meaningful without being so deep and difficult that it was more frustrating than inspirational). They would never do their math first "to get it over with".
After Bible we would move onto Language where I could manage to teach one lesson to two different grade levels. (yeah, right!) And they wouldn't fight over who got the right answer first or who knew it first, etc etc.
Next, would be Spelling and Handwriting for the younger ones (actually, I like that curriculum and they don't complain about that either).
Then Math. And everyone would do their "gazindas" with happy hearts. And when I wanted them to do another round of multiplication flash cards they would thank me for helping them to get those committed to memory. And the math would be done with care and thought. Oh, and neat too. (While I'm dreaming.)
Have I mentioned that while we are doing all of this Nathan would be playing nicely with his little trains? Or playing with play doh at a table (without dragging it everywhere). Or coloring ON PAPER.
Science and History would be in the afternoon while Nathan napped and Haley watched some PBS kids as a reward for having done her school work already. And I would be fully awake because I'm not exhausted. And if my eyes did happen to close...the kids would not laugh at me or get irritated.
And we would do EVERY suggested Science experiment
because we would always have all of the necessary equipment
and supplies! And the experiments would always work. Always.

Learning Room

And last but not least, the school room would look all neat and tidy at the end of the day with barely a clue that we had spent the whole day learning valuable lessons! We would have systems for things (organizing, etc) and they would get used so that they actually helped us!

In a Dream World. Back to Reality though....cause that's where I live!

Giving vs Receiving

2011-12-16T22:49:00.000-06:00

You hear the argument about whether it's more blessed to give than to receive...and I can see where both sides have merit. There's nothing better than giving a gift that is treasured and appreciated. But it's also kind of fun to be the one treasuring and appreciating! ;)
My grandparents have taught me a lot about a lot of things but giving and receiving are things that I learned from them. Some from watching and some from the wise words they shared.
Here is one my grandma shared with me. First off, let me say that my grandma is the consummate lady. Graceful and kind. I never remember her putting herself or her needs first. In fact I wonder sometimes, does she have needs? We never heard about them!? That could be a whole post in it's own right! So, back to the original idea. One time when I was struggling with someone giving me something (I don't even remember the occasion, the giver or the gift at this point but I remember the advice!) my grandma told me "When you refuse a gift, you refuse the giver the chance to be blessed." Wow. It is a little humbling sometimes to take a gift-especially if it's not your birthday or Christmas. If it's just someone's being kind. But if you refuse a gift that is genuinely given from the heart of someone because they want to show love and kindness...you are depriving THEM of a blessing.
Next is that my grandpa is not a taker. He is just plain not good at it. It makes him anxious and uncomfortable. He is one that will give you his last dime. The shirt off of his back. Anything he has and some things he doesn't. After spending most of his life giving, his worst fear (well, one that he talks about) is being a burden on one of us. He prays daily that God will allow him to live until he dies. In other words, not to let him be an invalid-either mentally or physically. I've tried, unsuccessfully, many times to explain to him that it's not a burden if you want to do it. That it's not a burden to finally have the chance to give back to someone who has spent his life giving....all to no avail. He is not buying it. So, I pray the same thing he does. That he stays fully alive until the time comes for him to die.
But sometimes it's good to allow people to give you something (take you out to lunch-you don't always have to pay Grandpa!) or take care of you (you really shouldn't be on a ladder cleaning your own gutters!). It not only blesses you if you can stand it, it allows someone to give back.

My Baby is Two!

2011-12-15T18:10:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe this is happening to me. My last baby. My little guy. He is growing up. I told him not to. I made a deal with him!!! And he's going back on it. To his own mom. I guess I'll just go with it...if I can't beat time, we'll just celebrate him.
This little boy was a surprise in our life. It took years of trying and fertility treatments to have our first baby (and a miscarriage), the second came quickly-with the help of fertility treatments. And the third? We tried on our own again but to no avail! So, back to the doctor we went. But with Nathan, all we had to do was tell God our plans-and that they didn't involve any more babies. We did. And He laughed. And told us that He had better plans for us. It's not that we didn't want this little guy, I was instantly in love when the test turned positive (well, when I stopped shaking so I could actually confirm the positive result!). The pregnancy was not much fun-nothing serious, just the aches and pains of a fourth pregnancy and being a little older this time around. And long story short (because I've told the long version so many times), Nathan was born on December 2, 2009 at 37 weeks and 2 days gestation weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs 7 oz! Hugongous much! I told my husband: "I can't believe we didn't know we wanted him." Because that's what it is. It's not that you didn't want the baby, you just didn't know you wanted him/her until your heart wraps around him or her. This little guy has made us laugh. I'm so much more relaxed this time. I realize how quickly it all passes so I treasure the moments a little better than I did with my first 2 kids. I purposed to enjoy the night time feedings (not too hard to do because he was a decent sleeper from early on) and not complain about having to sit down to nurse "again".

It was a fun party. I made everything the crafty way...a lot of work but I had fun and it was worth it. The train was a collaboration of ideas and was super fun for all the kids (big and little) that were at our party! Jared (9) offered to pull the kids in the wagon with the train box over it! When the box was no longer staying on the kids still wanted to be pulled around the yard and he was a good sport. I decided since some of it was so much work it could stay up for a while. Ha ha. The banner is still gracing my kitchen wall.

The Magic of Letters

2011-12-14T17:50:00.001-06:00

I wish I could remember (from my own 3-5 year old self) when letters were just magical. When I couldn't pass a sign without trying to figure out what each letter said and what they said when they all joined together as a team. When books were a mystery waiting to be solved-whether they were a mystery or not. I think the wonder of it all is so neat to watch. This is the 3rd time I've done this (through my children-doesn't count my own experience) and I'm amazed all over again. Number 3 is picking up reading rather quickly and overall painlessly! (Not much has been painless with this child, I assure you!)

I am loving the teaching process with her. (I wish I had more time to revel in it...but that is not the case so I have to deal with reality). There are moments of frustration of course-for both of us-but the moments of triumph outshine those by far! We (as adults who have been reading for a bazillion years) take reading for granted. Until you have to teach a child why "th" doesn't say "tuh" "huh" but "tthhh" you can't know what I'm talking about. We use an excellent book to teach reading (and I use ONLY phonics based teaching. We do ZERO sight words. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so. And I'm the teacher and I said so...and the principal...you get it?). The book we use is written by Samuel Blumenfeld and is called Alpha-phonics. I am teaching my 3rd child to read using this super simple primer style book. No pictures=no guessing at words and no distractions! (What 4-5 year old needs an extra distraction while doing something as important as learning to read?). A mom I babysat for while I was a teenager (who homeschooled her 5 children through their early years) recommended it to me because it worked for all 5 of her children-various learning styles and abilities. It's also cheap and reusable. And in all honesty, I started out using a very popular, more expensive curriculum...and I hated it. So, I dumped it and got what I should've gotten in the first place and never looked back!
I think the reason that teaching reading is my favorite part of parenting/homeschooling is this: teaching is the key to everything else. If you can read, you can learn ANYthing. The world is yours. Sounds corny but it's so true. Remember The Reading Rainbow? "I can go anywhere...take a look, it's in a book..." I love to read and I love passing that onto my children.

Saying Goodbye

2011-12-13T17:34:00.000-06:00

This year has had it's share of goodbyes, more accurately, the last few months. We've said goodbye to friends, relatives we visited (yes, I know, it might not be forever, but it might be!)
And this weekend we said goodbye to this girl:

Daphne. For months something has been "off". In fact there was a short period of time that I was terrified to take her to the veterinarian just in case it was bad news. I just couldn't face it. But within a couple of days my husband found her ear looked infected so we breathed a sigh of relief and took her in on a Sunday morning, paying the extra cost of a weekend visit for our girl, thinking she would feel better and start playing and eating again. And she did seem to rally just a little bit! Yay! Then, it was clear that things were not looking good again but her ear looked fine this time!? After some bloodwork our vet (who was awesome through this whole entire ordeal, she is amazing in her "bedside" manner and thoughtfulness as she is assessing her patients) thought it looked to be something akin to a tick borne illness (and although she was never covered in ticks or fleas-in fact I never ever saw even one on her!-they can get very sick from a tick biting them briefly and then falling off) so we began another round of *stronger* antibiotics. By this time our girl was looking painfully thin (emaciated) so we were taking her back often for weight checks, etc. The vet is starting to get more alarmed and wanted to do x-rays (which she did for FREE!). Not good news. Stomach falls. Heart beating a little harder-in your mouth.
But, we kept up with the meds, "just in case" the mass we saw around her lung was infection related (couldn't hurt anything and just maybe it would make her better!?). But within days of this consult she started going downhill extremely fast and by this past Saturday night she had lost the use of her hind legs and was just looking at me like "help me". It was awful. My husband and I faced the reality that Sunday morning had to be the end of it. For her. We wanted to try to nurse her through Christmas at least, but there was no way.
So, RIP Daphne, you were and are well-loved and missed more than you can know. I am choosing to believe that you are in heaven (although I don't know what I really believe about animals and eternity) because if any dog was welcomed in, it would be YOU. I miss your dog-stink girl. Hope you can chase that ball again up there.....

Advent

2011-12-05T17:10:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was supposed to be the start of our Advent Adventure. (Yes, I know that the "real" advent started in November...we are doing December though). Oh, wait, I said "supposed to be". Yep, Day 1 is over and we're already behind!
I started in October by buying a do it yourself advent calendar (it was just a plain cardboard thing with 25 drawers-just brown). My mom wondered why I started so early. This is why. It took me that long to make the basic thing and I'm not even 100% happy with it. It's cute, just not what I pictured in a vague Martha Stewart-ish kind of way. But that's okay, I didn't picture my living room having a bare sheetrock wall during the Christmas season either-but that's why I ripped out a wall at the end of December. With a gazillion things to do (Advent stuff, Nathan's birthday and party, etc etc etc) I figured it'd be good to start a major project in my living room.
Anyways, back to the Advent calendar:
In October (when the stores start seriously putting out all of the Christmas stuff in hopes of sucking you in early) I found something similar to this at Hobby Lobby (except it was brown-in the way a paper bag is brown):

Then, I spent FORever obsessing over how to cover it. I tried painting it (so that it would look like the one above before I covered it), I determined that painting each box inside and out wasn't really feasible in my world, but I got the important parts painted....and it looked a little like this one...
Then I obsessed over paper and ribbon. I'll spare you all of the details but I finally chose some contrasting papers to alternate, then I made little papers with numbers on them (stenciled) to represent each day of December. Inside each box is a paper that has an activity related to the Christmas season in it. Sometimes kind of big but mostly little stuff.
Here is the finished product:

Not perfect but perfectly fine. Now, we just have to get started! *blushing* It's the 5th and we've done NOTHING on our calendar officially (my hubby did put up the outside lights last night which is one of them but I think we were supposed to have like hot chocolate with it LOL). But, my excuse is this: I have been in Birthday party mode. Next post will show all that we've been doing!

Christmas

2011-11-22T16:39:00.000-06:00

Every year I want to simplify what I get for everyone for Christmas (my children as well as everyone else) but darn it. It's so fun! You can look at those toy books (wish books) and choose all these pretty things! I try to remember that a lot of it will be broken and forgotten within days (if not hours) of being opened...but I truly do not buy my children things throughout the year. We honestly can't afford to and I'm okay with that. I think toys and stuff should be special not just "because we're at Wal-Mart". So, at Christmas they get an overload. Guilty as charged. I'm not sure my husband is going to be all that happy with me. Things are being left at my doorstep on a daily basis now-thanks to Amazon.com and super-saver shipping! I can't wait to start wrapping it!
I think my excitement this year is because I'm closing in on being "done" and it's not even Thanksgiving yet!
Now, onto the adults....bah humbug! It's not that I don't like buying for other people or that I don't want to be generous. It's just super-hard to spend money I don't really have buying things for people that don't really want or need anything just to say I got them something. If I knew what people really wanted....that would be different.

Choices

2011-11-18T18:11:00.000-06:00

I am so sick of being asked "Are you pregnant again?" It hasn't been that many times realistically but when I'm working hard to lose weight (ok, I was...I'm a little off track right now but I will get back to it within a few days) and it's none of anyone's business....It just ticks me off. Why does someone think that someone else's reproductive business is theirs? Isn't that kind of personal? As long as I'm taking care of my children (well) and love them. And we're not habitually living off of public assistance (we don't live off of it at all but I say "habitually" because I want to point out that someone who uses welfare because of a temporary setback....they are just like us. There but for the Grace of God go [we]).
Anyways, back to my story. I just so badly to say "So, what if I am?" Maybe next time I will, but for now I just look at them with what I hope is "the look" and say "No." Nothing more nothing less. And I hope that puts them in their place. I honestly can't imagine what it's like to be a part of the Duggar Family and I don't intend to be quite so prolific but I think they're doing a knock out job! I don't get the privilege of watching their reality show because we don't have cable tv, but I would watch it if I could. I think they are an example for all parents. Not in the number of children they have but in the way they parent. Intentionally, lovingly and simply. (If you can call parenting 19+ children simple). She talks so quietly and pleasantly, I admire that in anyone because I am not that. It's what I would love to change about myself but don't know how.
I get very upset when people disparage her (and I have heard some really crass remarks about her). She is not suggesting we all have 20 children or that everyone has to do things the way they do. They have just made their choice to follow their faith and that choice should be respected. As their choice.
And leave me alone. If I get pregnant again, I will let you know when I'm ready. (And the emphasis on "again" really makes me mad because it's like people saying I'm a "breeder" and irresponsible.)

Life is Hard

2011-11-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Let me preface this with: My Life is Good!I am so blessed I get to stay home with the kids you see in the pictures in my header. I love that. Sure, we make some sacrifices (financially) for me to do that. And sure, sometimes I'd like to be a part of the world-out earning a living and participating in the workforce. But I wouldn't trade my time with my kids for anything. I being a mommy. Most of the time.

But being fair is so stinkin' hard. In fact, it's downright impossible at times. I thought, before I had kids, that it was going to be so simple. I thought, if they did wrong you disciplined them and if they did right you rewarded them. Simple. Right? No problemo! Until they fall into that gray area. The area that you can see where they made a mistake but they claim ignorance or that they were provoked. And do you discipline both children because one provoked the other? Or what about when you promise something fun and you want to do it with them and then they mess up (maybe even big time) and ruin it for everyone. Not just themselves but for you. You don't get the chance to bless them and be the "good guy".

And how in the world do you differentiate between good clean joking kind of fun and disrespect? I want my kids to be able to joke and have fun with us. Not be afraid. But they do need to fear us in the sense of respect. A good healthy fear. And when they're joking in a way that, to outsiders, comes off as cheeky (at best) that can't be good! But then do I want them "performing" when we're around others? No. I want it to be a real, honest relationship that looks the same no matter where we are or who is around. My children are not poodles dancing for the circus patrons. How do you draw the line between joking and "not funny". Just another gray area in my thinking.

And how do you choose between your children when they are at odds. When one child swears up and down the story goes one way and the other is vehemently claiming that that's not the way it went. Perception is a factor. And often the loudest child gets to "win". I hate that but it's true. Because in the words of Bill Cosby, "We just want quiet". Until the end of the day when all 4 of them are tucked soundly in their bed (before Haley makes her nightly trek to our bed that is) and I reflect on it and realize that I wasn't always fair. Almost makes me want to wake them up and say how sorry I am that I don't have all the answers.

And what about when Haley makes her nightly trek to our room-the one I mentioned just above. That should be counted as disobedience because she is supposed to be in her own bed. For 3 years now we've been telling her this. But she claims to be afraid. And the crying is for real. And I don't want my child laying in the other room shaking because she's afraid of whatever it is (shadows, foxes, skunks, etc etc etc) and afraid of me if she comes into my room. And no amount of ~~bribing~~ rewarding or threatening or reasoning makes a difference. And you need sleep to function the next day. That's another gray area.

So, you see. Parenting is not as easy as I thought it was before I tried it. And I am greatly humbled in this journey of parenthood. I just hope I get it right enough to not end up on Dr Phil with my children in 15-20 years. Or worse yet, Maury Povich.

Phonics Fun

2011-11-01T16:58:00.000-05:00

Through 2 kids (and on my 3rd) we use a curriculum called Alpha-Phonics to teach reading. It's awesome-ly simple! I love it and would never use anything else (at least to start...I know that some kids need something different). I was told about it by a mom I babysat for when I was a teenager. She homeschooled her 5 children (for a period of time-not all the way) and they all learned to read with Alpha-Phonics. So, of course when I saw how simple it was and how colorful what everyone else was using was...what do you think I did? You would be right if you said I paid way too much money to get something fancier. That was with my first child. Within a week I threw it away (*gasp* I should've at least tried to sell it!) and went to look for the Alpha Phonics! Never looked back.
It is an old school primer that has no pictures. What I like about that is that I know the kids are not guessing at what they're reading, they have to read it. No clues from pictures. No pictures to distract!!
Haley is on lesson 14 and can read most words that have the short a sound already! And if you've ever read my blog before...Haley is not the easiest nut to crack.
Okay, now that I've sung the praises of my simpler than life phonics curriculum...I made something to go with it that turned out to not be quite so simple. But I love it too. It was a simple idea but I couldn't find what I needed to make it quite so simply. Very frustrating (and that happens to me all the time by the way, I will have THE best, easiest idea...except I can't find it anywhere). But I pressed on. What we have is what is pictured above. Think "Twister" meets phonics! We spread it out on the floor and I say...jump on the letter that makes the sound "duh" and Haley looks around and finds "D"! (We also used it for simple letter recognition before we were ready for the sounds.) She gets to be active and we are reinforcing what we're learning from the book. I also made some little laminated letters (lower case) that we can use like a matching game to match the lower case letter to the upper case!
I made mine using (cheap) scrapbooking paper and then I printed the simplest letters off on my Hallmark Card Studio on my pc, mixed them up on the squares...and put laminating shelf paper like stuff on it.

Loneliness

2011-10-27T08:16:00.000-05:00

I am participating in a Bible study right now that focuses on the Psalms of Ascent (Psalm 120-134). It hasn't been that close to my heart until this Tuesday when I finally made the connection (I don't know what took me so long) that the study is all about pilgrimage. Every year the Jewish people made several journeys to Jerusalem for different holidays, feasts and events. And do you know what? They did it together. There were no lone rangers on these journeys. Why? Because it afforded them safety and company. And they had a shared destination.
On the way they faced many dangers and evils-just like we do on a daily basis. We may not see it and it may not be as obvious as the dangers these pilgrims faced but we do. Jeremiah 41:1-10 tells the story of pilgrims who made the journey to the Feast of Tabernacles when a man named Ishmael attacked and killed 70 of them while the rest of them were taken captive. It's dangerous out there. And we need each other.
Forgive each other. Don't hold a grudge. Unforgiveness is like a poison. It separates and destroys. Beth Moore writes that we need to wise up and not be outwitted by our enemy's schemes (she is referring to satan as the ultimate enemy). Unforgiveness leads to isolation. And slaughter. We don't just want people to be sorry, we want them to "be sorry". We want to see them pay.
Second, we need to encourage others. Look for opportunities to build people up. People get discouraged-it creeps up on us all and blindsides us. When you give someone a positive word you don't know what it will do for them. It might make the difference. We've all heard the stories of people who have determined to commit suicide (literally) unless someone smiles at them or talks to them before a set time. My heart aches for those people who just want a word or a smile. From anyone. Can you just say something so simple to someone that is encouraging? As Beth Moore says "A woman will even take 'that is one cute purse you have!'". So easy and so vital. To encourage means to infuse with courage. Think about that.
And last-this is the one I really wanted to write about here but felt I needed to give credit to her study ("Stepping Up-a journey through the Psalms of Ascent") and set the background.

Love each other deeply. People need that. We live in a world with more contact than ever (social media, email, phones everywhere, texting...) and yet we don't really spend time with one another and know each other. I've felt this for a long time but who wants to say it? It sounds whiny and pathetic. People don't have time for friendship. Why do we text? To avoid getting into long conversations with people. I do it. You do it. Beth Moore admitted to it. I have even seen it in my children's friends. They are so busy with 100 extra-curricular activities that they don't have time to be kids. To be friends. And I've seen the loneliness that it leads to for others. When people are too busy to love, to be friends, it makes others feel insignificant. God created us to need companionship. No matter how much we want to fight it, we need other people. Beth cited studies proving health (even cardiac health) benefits to our relationships. Those with close, deep relationships were less likely to die!!Deep relationships. Not how many friends you have on facebook or google plus or whatever. So what if you have 546 friends on there. Do you really know them? Do they know you? What makes you smile? What makes you hurt? I'm not saying that social media has no place in our world and life but it canNOT take the place of true friendships. The kind with a shared cup of tea or coffee. A hug. A real conversation about what makes you tick.
We like to think that when we need no one we will have arrived. We will be successful. At what cost? I think it's safe to say that loneliness is pervasive in society today. But it doesn't have to be. If we just take time to know people-quality over quantity-we can help each other on this journey called life.

Adjustments

2011-08-08T08:01:00.000-05:00

I am, admittedly, not very good with adjusting to new things. I have wanted a laptop forever and yet I didn't want to get one because that's a whole new way of doing things. A whole new kind of keyboard to get used to, a new "mouse" ('cause there's really not one)...just all new. And what about wi-fi. What is that even? (Right now I'm sitting at my computer desk even though I have a laptop because I'm using my old modem and I'm still connected to the cord!?) And does it cost extra to get said wi-fi?
But last night we bit the bullet and bought one (cash Dave Ramsey, cash! When it said "swipe card" I didn't!). We didn't get the most expensive one-prob'ly one of the least expensive ones. But, in all honesty, I way underuse my computers, cameras, phones (anything and everything technology) so the guy in Best Buy with his look of disdain...take that. I'm happy with one without all the bells and whistles. Nyah. (He was kind of a snob about it.)

So, it might be a bit before I learn the ins and outs of posting pictures (the part where you get the pictures ON the computer that is) and stuff...but so far, I'm liking it!

Bittersweet

2011-08-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

These past couple of months have seen some big milestones and changes for our Baby Nathan. I feel like he is growing up so fast that my head (or heart) is spinning. The two major changes are that he is now weaned from nursing (19 months) and he got his first big boy haircut. Both have made me a little sad-or maybe nostalgic!?

I have known he needed a haircut for quite a while but it was so hard to cut those blond locks off...where did he get them anyway? The fact is, no matter what baby habits you keep, they grow up anyways. But if you try to keep them a baby it's like a middle aged woman trying to dress like a teenager. It just looks silly.
I could have kept nursing him...but wouldn't it be ~~silly~~ stupid if he were leaving the dugout in Little League to come for a sip? Something along the lines of a water bottle or Gatorade might be more appropriate.
I could've kept his hair long...but he was starting to look a little Donald Trump-ish.
All of these baby milestones have to be dealt with...it's just a little harder when it's your final baby. The last time.
I try to remind myself it's the beginning of another time. A time when I get to participate more in the lives of my big kids...but it'd be sour grapes if I pretended I was glad he's not my little baby anymore.

One Summer: A Book Review!

2011-07-28T22:28:00.001-05:00

I don't think I've ever done a book review on my blog before, but here goes!
The book is titled One Summer (by David Baldacci)
He is one of my favorite authors but usually writes more of an intrigue/suspense genre. I was skeptical because there have been other authors that stepped outside of their norm and I was not impressed (The Painted House anyone?) So, when I saw this book, I checked it out but I kind of set it on the bottom of the stack. And started reading my other books...til I found out that this one was not renewable because it was being requested on hold at the library. Hmmmmm. Ok, I put down the other book (The Appeal by John Grisham-a so so read IMO) and picked up One Summer.
I can barely put it down.
A man (Jack) is given a death sentence. Not the legal kind but the medical kind. It never mentions the illness he has (I guess the author doesn't want you to get side-tracked by that?) but he is dying. Painfully, slowly and in front of his family. A wife, a teenage daughter, a pre-adolescent son and a toddler son. While he lays in his hospital bed languishing he has a lot of time to reflect. His goal is to make it til Christmas. And he does. But, in a cruel twist of fate, his wife goes out on icy roads to get his pain medicine-which she forgot earlier. And she never comes back. She is killed in a car crash.
In true mother-in-law-from-the-movies fashion, his wife's mother takes charge (her husband is a seemingly weak person that you get the idea that he doesn't really like her shenanigans but does nothing to contradict her) and in short? The kids are farmed out to family and dad is left in the care of hospice to die. Alone.
Let me tell you, I am not a crier...ok, Little Women made me cry as did a Danielle Steele novel (??? what's up with that?--can't even remember which one! Think it was Fine Things) once and John Grisham made me almost sob once. I think it was The Chamber. But that's nothing. I read a LOT. But this book almost made me cry. Had I let it, I would've let loose with some real tears. But, I supressed it so I could keep reading. And because I didn't have the luxury of time for a good cry.
Anyways, now that you know I have a heart of stone (!?!)...I didn't even cry at The Titanic!
Like I said, anyways, he doesn't die. While laying there waiting to die (alone-can you imagine?) and listening to the sounds of death in the hospice he's been abandoned to...he begins to get better. He can hardly believe it...and that's where I'm leaving you. He must then grapple with how to get his kids back, physically and emotionally-especially in the case of his teenage daughter and with the issue that he was supposed to be dead, not his beloved wife. It wasn't supposed to be this way....

Ranch Chicken Sandwiches

2011-07-27T22:00:00.002-05:00

I honestly cannot remember where this recipe came from...but it's a favorite in our house!

chicken breasts (we use flash frozen because they are the easiest to buy and store and choose how many we need just an hour or two before dinner)
Ranch salad dressing (we have used everything from the kind you make-Hidden Valley-to the cheapest store brand and I think the key is not in what dressing but how long the chicken marinates in it!)
Provolone Cheese-thin slices
tomato (sliced)
buns
any other condiments you would enjoy--I've had it suggested that avocado would go yummily with this sandwich!

1. Start off with thawing your chicken (I do mine in a pan of cold water on the counter-but I have to watch out for the cat...He apparently likes this chicken too!)
2. Put the thawed chicken in a (glass) dish with the Ranch dressing-making sure it's coated on all sides (at least an hour works best I think...all day is even better!)
3. Grill (or pan fry in a pinch) your chicken breasts after they marinate.
4. Place the slice of cheese on the cooked chicken breast (we sometimes do it while it's still on the grill, but JUST before we take it off--just long enough to melt it a little)
5. top with tomato and put it on the bun!
(we reserve some of the ranch before we put raw chicken in it and save it for dipping the sandwiches in or putting some extra on it)

Dinner is served! Oops! I was going to put a "finished product" picture but it was so late that the food was scarfed down before I could say "camera".

Disney World

2011-07-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, honesty here. I was totally overwhelmed by our vacation to Disney-more the planning and the execution of it rather than the actuality of it. Does that make sense? Do you realize that people actually make full time jobs out of Disney Vacation planning? I know, I know...it's so commercial and cliche. But I really wanted to see my kids' faces light up when they saw all the commercialism. Kids like that!

Tips for planning:

go during off-peak times if you can. We homeschool and this is a huge benefit of homeschooling. We went in February when it wasn't hot and it wasn't as crowded!
mousesavers.com --all kinds of tips for planning and budgeting your trip to Disney.
a Travel Agent! --

we used Small World Vacations, Inc. (Mary was our agent's name) and I have nothing but good to say!

plan your days-meals and all! But leave room for error and down time. We had reservations for most meals and when we didn't have reservations we knew where we wanted to eat. We also had a list of each day's must-dos. We spent one day in each park, we knew we couldn't see everything and trying would make everyone miserable. So, as long as we got our "must sees" done...we didn't stress about the rest.
the meal plan is worth it. Food at Disney is very expensive (seriously!) and our meal plan kept us on a budget and it was so simple! And we never felt deprived or hungry.
Use the family pass and the fast pass options. If you don't understand it? Ask one of the workers at Disney! We had a lady that stopped what she was doing and very enthusiastically showed us how to use these options!!!! We found their hospitality to be wonderful at Disney-overall.
skip the park hopper pass-it just makes you spastic
stay on site-free transportation and no parking fees! And you get perks-extra Magic Hours and stuff like that if you are staying on site! You just have to check which dates of your stay is the best to go to which park.
Enjoy it! Let perfection go...it won't be perfect, you won't see everything and you and your kids will get tired and grumpy-even at "The Happiest Place on Earth"!

We drove. Yes, drove. It took us 2 days (plus an evening on the first night because we left in the late afternoon to get part of that first leg done!). But if we had flown, with the size of our family, we were afraid we'd have gotten there, looked at the castle in Magic Kingdom (from outside of the park) and said "ooooh. aaaaah" and had to go home (due to used up funds). I planned out (mapquest.com) where we would stop each night--and it was so worth it! To have printed out directions to each hotel, knowing what amenities (free breakfast anyone?) they had and that there was a room for us! All we had to do was follow the directions and check in! Voila!

So we checked in to our Resort (hotel) at Disney on Sunday night. That way the fun could begin Monday morning! To be continued....

Thankful Tuesday

2011-07-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

It's time again...Kelly at "Oh, That Mom Again" is sure challenging me...Honestly, I thought about skipping Mr Linky this week. Who would know? Who would care? Then I thought, that's pure laziness! So, here goes!

1. Air Conditioning. That will be my number one thankful thing til prob'ly....late September where I live!
2. That I get to stay home with my kids. I know it's not for everyone, but it is for me.
3. Friends. Good friends. Friends that care what you are going through. Friends I've never met but know online.
4. Books. "I can go anywhere, take a look, it's in a book..." (Remember that one? Think about it and see if you can conjure up that childhood song from a tv show!)
5. My grandpa. Every time I call him he acts like it's the best thing that happened to him. Ever. And I've never known it to be any different.
6. Children that are healthy enough to drive me crazy. They can run, make lots of noise and even more lots of messes....but it means they are alive and healthy! I'll take it!
7. Running water. Think about it. Has your water ever been turned off for repairs? We take it for granted but I can't imagine not having it.
8. My husband's job. He has one. A lot of people don't.
9. My husband. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me. He balances me out. (I kind of stole this one from Kelly but it resonated...it was true.)
10. My home. Some people have nicer, fancier, bigger homes. But mine is cozy and it's ours. We get to stamp it with our personal stamp. Even if right now that is a bunch of messes. So many that it might be one big one.

A Perfect Summer Evening

2011-07-25T08:15:00.000-05:00

Why We Don't

2011-07-23T11:36:00.002-05:00

**Disclaimer** This is simply what it is. A post about why my family does not do Harry Potter. It is discernment rather than judgement. Every family has to choose for themselves what is right in these kinds of matters. If you enjoy a good Harry Potter movie and are not convicted concerning it, this is not directed at you.

Now, that taken care of....we decided early on not to "do" Harry Potter. Not the books. Not the movies.
Why? First and foremost: I believe the Bible warns us implicitly to avoid anything that smacks of magic/wizardry and sorcery.

Do not practice divination or sorcery (Leviticus 19:26).
Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against your magic charms with which you ensnare people like birds and I will tear them from your arms; I will set free the people that you ensnare like birds (Ezekiel 13:20).
So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty (Malachi 3:5).
Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty thousand drachmas. In this way the word of the Lord spread widely and grew in power (Acts 19:18-20).

I have heard the argument "But at least my son/daughter is reading." Well, there are a lot of things your child could be reading. My kids read non-stop (seriously, I sometimes have to tell them to put the book down!) even with any of the wizard-y, vampire-y stuff outlawed! And they love it! My other argument against that logic is this: Some people read Playboy for the articles. That doesn't make it good material! There are a lot of words you or your child could read...that doesn't make all of them good. Phillipians 4:8 says Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Lest you think I'm a total killjoy, let me assure you that my children have lots of fun! They watch a lot of movies and tv. Probably way too much. I don't say "no" to everything.

I have also heard this: "It's just for fun." My son thinks it's fun to play with fire. Do we let him have free reign with that? No. Why? Some things that look fun can be very dangerous. (We do let him, under supervision, make a campfire by the way.) My toddler thinks it's great fun to run into the road. We, as parents, have the job of making sure he has safe fun.

What about this one: "It's not real, it's just fantasy for entertainment". I believe the spirit world is very real. The Bible talks often about spirits-bad ones too! 1 Corinthians 12:10 says this: "to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits...." what does that say to you? The note in my
Bible says " Since there can also be false prophecies that come from evil spirits, this gift is necessary in order for the church to distinguish the true from the false". 1 John 4:1-3 says "Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist..."
While Rowling insists her stories are imaginary, she "admits she has been studying witchcraft to make the books more 'accurate,'" according to Richard Abanes, author of the book Harry Potter and the Bible.

As a parent it's hard to say "no". We want our children to have fun. We don't want them to be left out. We even *gasp* hope they love and like us! But, doing what's right isn't always easy. And for us, NOT doing Harry Potter is right.

In the words of Dumbledore to Harry:

“Soon we must face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

Just Say No

2011-07-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

Why, as parents is it our inclination-or maybe it's just me-to say "no" first and then think about it? Sometimes I say "no" out of reflex and then regret it. But by then a child might be whining or arguing and I can't go back and say yes and reward that whining/arguing behavior. When really, it was my fault in the first place because it was something I could have and should have said "yes"! Follow me?

I am not a parent that is afraid to tell my children "no". I know some parents these days don't like to say that to their precious little cherubs lest it might crush their little spirits. Hogwash. No is all over in our society. All. Over. Look around.

No Parking
No Smoking
Do Not Enter
No Biciycles
No Pedestrians
No Passing
Stop (can you imagine instead of a stop sign if there was a sign to "redirect" you!?)

So, kids (and adults) had better learn early on what it means when you hear "no", "stop" or "don't" because life is full of it. But what if, when we don't have to say no, we say "yes"!?

Today we were eating out (which was a no no-ha ha!) and Haley asked to sit at the tall counter-type table. I could've said "no". It's kind of a pain honestly. And the configuration wasn't right for 5 people, and I couldn't put Nathan in a high chair....but did it really matter in the end? No. (see? the word pops up everywhere!) and so I said....YES! And she was such a happy child. And you know what? Five minutes after we left that restaurant, it didn't matter. Except to her, it did! And that did matter five minutes later.

Keeping Your Word

2011-07-21T08:35:00.001-05:00

Keeping your word is so important. Especially when it involves children. Unfortunately some people don't think that way. I can handle it if my kids don't win or don't get a prize...but if you say you're going to do it (as a leader of a team or group) you'd better make sure you can put your money where your mouth is.

We have experienced this twice in just the past two years (at least twice where it really stands out). Jared has been in Cub Scouts since the day he was old enough. I try to keep him so encouraged and going because I think it's such a great thing to earn your Eagle badge. What does Boy Scouts teach? Honor. Respect. Doing your best. Not giving up....all positive things. But we've had 2 bad experiences. One where we were given a popcorn sales QUOTA. I kid you not. And it was a ridiculous amount. And my son was expected (at 6 or 7) to go door to door selling popcorn. Have you ever heard that's not safe? I tried to quietly leave the group and find a new one (I didn't really feel like it was something to cause a stir about, it's kind of one of those things for each parent to decide for his or her child...for us that wasn't the right group!) and was lambasted by the leader. Whatever. So, we joined a new pack. Sounded great. No sales quotas for young children, just sell what you can, do your best, yada yada yada. Then, our first activity with the group. The Raingutter Regatta! It was so fun! Jared made his boat (a little wooden sailboat) all by himself! It was cute but definitely "kid made". We get there...everyone is excited....and then I see all these fancy (definitely not kid made) boats and my heart sank. Not for myself, I was proud of Jared's boat--HE DID IT! But think how you'd feel if you were a kid and obviously every other boat there had been done by adults (seriously, maybe the kids picked the colors...if that). Then....Jared won! Out of all the boys. Weebelos and under! He won! First place! At his first event with this pack! We were all just so proud and I was able to tell him, "see? it doesn't matter if yours was the fanciest..." It was awesome! His buttons were almost bursting! And they had a little ceremony at the end. No awards but PROMISES of awards to come. A ribbon. He could NOT WAIT for his ribbon telling that he had won the raingutter regatta! That's huge to a boy! He was 7 at the time (I know this because I was hugongously pregnant with Nathan) and we waited...and waited and waited. Meanwhile, he moved up a rank in scouts and the ceremony was supposed to be at a pack camping trip (meaning everyone and the leaders would be there-I didn't go but his daddy did). No one showed up. Those little Wolf Scouts advanced with no pomp and circumstance. And we never did get that ribbon. Like I said, don't promise it if it's not coming. Kids remember better than elephants or women.

Our second experience with this kind of thing is still going on. And with Jared again. I wonder what I'm supposed to teach this kid out of all of this!? His baseball team was supposed to have won 1st place out of all the teams except an umpire called the game with time left for one inning. One inning that our team was going to be up to bat. And this isn't one of those "how could you call that out/safe????" things...Time is officially set at games. (Didn't want you to think it was just mama bear stuff going on here.) Anyways, no one could protest it "correctly" because the umps left. Immediately. But it was contested....fast forward, the boys win the game that was for all the marbles (or so we thought) and they were #1!!!!!!! Or not. So, the coaches of our team decided to get the boys a trophy that said "Champions" because they should've had the opportunity to play that last inning...and even so, they played a great season and they had great sportsmanship, etc. It was deserved. Nothing. Never even had an end of the season party at all, let alone trophies.

Seriously, if you are a leader or a coach (especially of young children): MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. It won't hurt them to not get a trophy or award, but it will hurt them if you let them down and don't keep your word.

Doing It All

2011-07-20T07:00:00.001-05:00

I can't do it all. You can't do it all, either. We must learn to ask for help. Our families are not mind readers. They will not know what needs to be done around the house. But you know. So, we must ask for help and delegate some of the work.

But it's soooo haaaarrrrrd to ask for help.

I want to prove to everyone that I can do it myself. And do it the best. And do it the most. Without breaking. (Yeah, I'm the firstborn, a girl and all that...) But guess what comes with pride? Yep. A fall. And I've fallen. Flat on my face. A couple of times. (Or maybe it's a couple more than that...)

I tend to over commit myself. Not necessarily to causes or anything like that, but just get involved in too many things for my own good or that of my family. And I also procrastinate. When I was a teenager that worked for me-some of my best papers were written the NIGHT before they were due-research papers. From start to finish! That is insane-I realize that now-but it worked. But, then I didn't have kids that needed me to be at my best. I could be single minded about one thing when it needed to be done. If I tried to do something of that magnitude right now in my life, I can guarantee someone would wake up vomiting at 12am when I was working on the paper. And then I would be frustrated and not at my best for either thing that needed to be done.

Anyways, you can only do so many things on your own and in a certain amount of time (yes, I am learning!).

So, here's what I've learned:

Take on only what you can do well. Your hand doesn't need to shoot up EVERY time someone has an "opportunity" to serve or help. No matter how important it is.
Allow time for problems to arise. Usually (in my experience) if you've allowed time for them they won't happen-problems that is-but if you didn't allow for disaster IT WILL HAPPEN.
Think about who else will be affected by your decision to take certain things on. As well as how it will affect those around you if you don't allow enough time to finish before your deadline (I'm ashamed to say my family has heard me yelling at crunch time)

Thankful Tuesday

2011-07-19T09:15:00.000-05:00

Kelly, over at "Oh That Mom Again" is encouraging us to think about the things that we are thankful for on this Tuesday! What a good exercise. These days it's much more popular to whine about what you don't have. Unfortunately, complaining is a cultural norm. Or maybe it's not cultural, maybe it's human. Either way, it makes you and all those around you miserable. I figure if I start my day out with Kelly...thinking of things I'm thankful for...my attitude will be so good that day that it will rub off on my kids! Yes? No? Well, it's worth a shot! :) She's asked for 10. Let's see if I can do her one better and think of 11!

1. A Creator/God who loved me before I loved Him-and forgives me even before I ask!
2. Answered prayers (there are so many of them!)
3. "Unanswered" prayers---we all know that they're not actually unanswered, just not the answer we wanted!
4. A husband that loves me and our children.
5. My children. It was kind of a long road...but it also goes with numbers 2 and 3-God answered that prayer in His perfect timing and not a minute before!
6. A body that is strong and healthy enough to work hard to lose this weight.
7. Enough food. (see #6)
8. Parents that cared enough to discipline me and keep me in line. (I know now how that is NOT the fun part of parenting. At. All.)
9. Air Conditioning
10. Grandparents.
11. Choices. There are so many ares in life that we get to choose what works for us (parenting styles, where to live, what to eat, etc) and I know that not everyone has that!

Where Have I Been?

2011-07-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

Busy? Yes. But that's not the real story. I just figured it out a couple of days ago why I have not blogged in...a long time. And I'm not happy with my discovery.

I have always loved doing my blog-however irregular. Never mind the fact that everyone else's blog seems to have answers. Mine usually has questions. Everyone else's blog seems to have a set purpose whereas mine is usually kind of "jack of all trades master of none"...kind of like my life. But my last post was at the end of April.
Here's the deal:

There are people in my life that I value their opinion. One of those people (nameless-but it doesn't matter as you'll soon see) didn't show much interest in my blog when I tried explaining it and showing it. Therefore it must not be valuable, right? Then, that started me to thinking about my comments section and how it usually has very few if any comments. If no one reads my blog and finds it comment worthy then why do I write it? If this one person who has always shown interest in my ventures (sometimes negative but usually, overwhelmingly positive) didn't think it was valuable enough to even really give more than a passing glance...maybe it's a waste of time. Maybe it's dumb. Maybe I should just let it go.

Or not.

The reason this is disturbing to me is because:
1) I am 35 years old and apparently am still doing things based on admiration/approval from others.
2) I love to write, why would I stop one of the few outlets I have for writing!?
3) Before this, I loved my blog. Why would I let anyone's lack of interest decide if I keep doing something I love?

So, I'm back. I don't even know if anyone really reads this...if they ever did...or if they've lost interest b/c I was gone...but I will write. Whether anyone finds it "worthy" or not...Shouldn't it be enough that I find it worthy? And I good place to pose my questions and ponder my crazy life?

Who Am I?

2011-04-26T17:10:00.000-05:00

Who am I? Not "who is Lindsay/Jared/Haley/Nathan's mommy", but who am I?

A child of God.
A wife
Someone who would love to be a labor and delivery nurse in the future.
A woman who loves to read.
Someone who loves to craft-although sometimes I think I'm an artist trapped in a non-artist's body.
Someone who loves order-but constantly allows chaos to reign supreme.

Do you know how hard it is to define yourself? I don't even think I did a very good job. I think that if a therapist/counselor had asked me to do this exercise...he/she would be disappointed in my answers. I think that most of my answers say what I like, what I do, etc. I don't know if that tells who I am.

As I've been going about my life-ie picking stuff up and cleaning and rearing children...I have been thinking about this. I wanted it to be profound. But these were all that I could come up with. Does anyone have any way that they would define themselves? By the way. I am a mom. And that is who I am. ;)

2011-04-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

"The career of motherhood is very demanding. The work is worth it, but it necessitates knowing ourselves, setting boundaries and taking care of our minds and our bodies. As we grow in our career of motherhood, we must respect the unique needs of this particular profession.

This is so true. I was trying to read this article while folding 2 loads of laundry. It's so nice and quiet for this moment in my life. The kids are all in bed (and so is my husband). It's been a good weekend. Actually a great one. But I am tired. I have been running on empty for a while now (a month at least!). My gas tank is so depleted. I am not eating right, exercising, sleeping enough, doing the things that I enjoy (not that I don't enjoy my children, but things that allow me to recoup and recover a little bit of "me" in the midst of it). I don't remember the last date Harold and I had. I usually have 3 places to be at one time. And let me tell you. That does not work. Physically. So, as I was reading the article I had a few "aha" moments.

I'm not taking very good care of myself-physically or mentally.
I have not been very good at setting boundaries. Telling people "no". Even my own kids sometimes. *gasp*
Do I really know myself anymore?

Now, before I go on, let me stop for a minute. I get really frustrated when people make such a big deal about "me time" that it becomes almost an obsession and I begin to wonder when that person does anything that doesn't revolve around "me". There is a middle ground between complete selflessness (sometimes it takes the form of martyrdom) and living only for yourself. But, as this author points out...we must take time to take care of us so we can take care of "them". That only makes sense.

Am I taking care of myself? No. Not really. I need exercise. And I need sleep. If I would go to bed at a reasonable time (like an hour ago) I would be able to get up and exercise without it taking time from my real job. Do I take the time to put myself "together". Nope. During the weekdays most of the time I'm wearing something stretchy on bottom with a big (old-belonging to my husband) shirt. this is partly because I'm not sleeping or exercising-therefore the stretchy and big is to cover up the results of that. Make-up is a waste if you're not going anywhere, right? Well, not really. What is the purpose of make-up (if you use it)? Is it for others to see? Or for you to "feel"? For me, it just makes me feel better. So, why don't I put it on every day anymore? It would take, literally, 5 minutes out of my day to spruce up. And if I exercised in the morning (before the kids get up) I could take away that "excuse" for not getting ready. (I sometimes tell myself-isn't it fun to lie to yourself?-that if I don't get dressed I will work out later! Nine times out of ten it does NOT happen. Therefore, I'm just a schlump for no reason.) My goal? To go to bed earlier every night (starting tomorrow) and wake up by 7am (unless I have children keeping me up-then I HAVE to sleep in a bit) this week. 10:30. Lights out. That's my start.

Setting boundaries. We have to cut out some activities. Right now I have my children in 4-H, Wednesday night church, Drama, Baseball, Scouts, American Heritage Girls, Soccer, and pretty much anything they ask to be in. Are those all good things to be in? Absolutely. But, each family I know would tell you that the activity they are in is "good" (karate, tae kwondo, dance, gymnastics, music, speech and debate, Bible quizzing...and on and on). And I don't dispute that. But, we can't be in every good thing. Ever heard that you can have "too much of a good thing"? So, just sitting here right now I can think of a few of those that will be cut out. The things we are in need to be really important to us. Not important to our friends. Not "one day it might lead to a scholarship-maybe"...IMPORTANT TO US as a family. Oh, and no more animals in my home. 'Nuff said.

Do I really know who Cara is? Not "Lindsay's mommy" or "Haley's mommy". But Cara. I have honestly caught myself, years ago, on a rare occasion to be out without the kids (when I just had the two oldest) telling a cashier at Wal-Mart something just to throw in that I had kids. It wasn't something that I really needed to say or that she needed to know. But I almost felt like "mommy" was my entire identity...and since she might not know I was a mommy she might think I was nobody. How sad is that? It's great to be a mommy-and believe me, I wanted it worse than anything on earth. But you have to remember who you are as a person. As a woman too. Otherwise-even if it doesn't have any ill-effects right now-you will flounder when the kids are grown and gone. Sure, they'll always need you. But when you are not on duty 24/7...who are you? Who am I?

This article will be staying in my open tabs for a while as I read over parts of it again and reflect on it. I have some serious soul searching to do. I need to quit making excuses and feeling guilty about me time. But I do need to prioritize and decide what is important enough to spend on "me time". Do I really need to check facebook 20 times a day? No. Once would be enough. Just like money...maybe even moreso!...time should be budgeted and spent according to our priorities. :)

40 Bags....

2011-04-22T23:00:00.000-05:00

So, I read a blog post about a Lent project. It's called 40 Bags in 40 Days. It involves 40 Black Trash bags ( you know, the big kind) and 40 days of purging. Forty days! And Forty Bags! At first I think I could never do that (my house isn't THAT big! Come on!) Then I look around in each room and realize...there is so much we don't need. That I don't love. You should love everything in your home. And if you don't? It's not worth your physical or emotional "space".
Now, that doesn't mean I can throw out my couch and loveseat, even though after 10 years, I don't love them anymore. In fact, they kind of gross me out! They will go next year because I think my family would frown on sitting on the hard floor (it's not even carpet!). But what about the clothes in my closet that haven't been worn in...well, so long that there is an inch (well, almost) of dust on them! It's ridiculous to think that I will one day start to love those clothes. I think I'm holding onto them just so I'll have something in my closet. But that's silly. So, today I cleaned out my closet. And I love it. There are probably a few other things I could get rid of also. And I will. Sometimes, I've found, it takes several tries before you really get it down to the bare bones of what you need and love. I forgot to (or rather got all in a hurry before I could) take "before" shots of what I've done so far...but I think I'll take pictures of the piles of stuff I pulled out. They're really big piles considering how little time I've spent on it thus far. I'm excited. Of course, I'm doing this as Lent is over. Ha ha! Gotta be a rebel somehow! Toys, books, clothes....kitchen stuff....nothing is sacred. And I have some house projects coming soon too-hopefully!

If You Blink

2011-04-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

Did you know that if you blink, time is gone? I never really understood that until I had kids. I cannot believe that my little girl is 11. She really is. Sometimes so grown up and sometimes...not. But she is 11 and that is crazy to me.

Another crazy thing? My mister man (aka son) is 9. He can't be. But he is. And today, at church, he made the decision to be baptized. I'm so proud of him. He is like his daddy, shy. He doesn't really want people looking at him or watching him. But, he came to the point where following God's command was more important than his own insecurity. So, during altar call, we went down together and talked to the pastor. I'm so excited for this event. As a mom, you have to wait patiently for your children to come to this conclusion all on their own. You could technically tell them to do it. But it wouldn't matter. It has to be their decision. Their desire. For it to matter.

We spent this weekend running-as usual-between sports events. We had baseball, soccer, baseball and baseball. Sometimes we have to decide who (parent) goes to which game. Saturday everyone (Nana and Papa included) were at baseball...then some of us (Nana, myself and the babies) went to watch Linds play soccer. We missed the second baseball game (yes, 3 in one weekend. 2 in one day!). Lindsay's team did well...it was a tie. Jared's baseball team was playing a tournament and they were UNDEFEATED! Awesome, huh? And best of all? The stands were covered at this particular baseball field. So, no one is sunburned! Yeah!

Part 2-Groundhog's Day

2011-04-01T23:52:00.003-05:00

I sometimes wonder how women did it back in the day when they had more kids than I have (I think that is about a gaggle or something) and less modern conveniences. Here's what I think is the TRUTH about that. Life was hard. You woke early (but you didn't stay up late...say blogging? because there were no "modern conveniences"-lights, computers, television...). You worked hard. Then you went to bed so you could do it all again tomorrow-and it was dark anyways...what else were you going to do. So, you might have had that groundhog's day thing going...just not the insanity we have.

Mama didn't get distracted by the computer.
Mama didn't have to run kids all over the place. I think when Laura and Mary Ingalls got out of school...they walked home!? Never once did I hear anything about Mary needing to hurry and get ready for soccer practice.
You didn't have to keep up with the Joneses...who cared? The Joneses lived to far away to know what you had anyway.
Laundry was hard to do but there was less of it I think. And if you wore the same dress to church two Sundays in a row? So what. So did everyone (except Mrs Olsen-and who liked her anyways? She was so rude and ugly!)
Mama didn't worry about her kids psyches endlessly. She loved her kids. And although there was a gun in every house and every kid got spanked (behind the woodshed no less) no one took that gun to school and shot anyone!?
Mama didn't really need to worry abut her figure. She didn't have the overabundance of "convenient" food that we have now. And would she go to the gym? No. Her daily work was enough to keep her waist trim!

I'm not saying I wish we could go back...I just realize that maybe our modern conveniences aren't so convenient after all.

Groundhog's Day

2011-03-31T23:52:00.000-05:00

So, have you ever felt like you were living on the set of the movie Groundhog's Day? The kind of day where everything is the same again. Every morning I get up and make the same breakfast for the same kids (well, I'm glad about the same kids part). I vow the same vow to be patient and kind and loving all day long to said kids. I tell them to do the same chores (because they don't remember the day before...I think it was like that in the movie kind of....or maybe that was 50 First Dates ? where only some of the characters know what happened the day before? And the rest (or in 50 First Dates ONE) have no clue what happened the day before or the one before that? So, my kids are blissfully clueless. They forget the chores I assigned them yesterday and the day before. So, I list the same ones off...again. And I wash the same dishes. And I pick up the same toys/books/clothes. I fold the same towels. You get the picture? It's all so...the same. Nothing changes. Especially that I am overbooked, overwhelmed, under-prepared. And I yell. Too much. And get cranky. When truthfully I'm the one that allows our family to get overbooked.
All of the things we're in or do are valuable. To be sure. But each family would tell you a million different things that they find valuable. We can't do them all. Right? Unless you're me. Spastic.
We used to joke about my ability to multi-task. It's no longer a joke. The more necessary it becomes the less capable I am of doing it. I can no longer track multiple conversations as well (my husband used to be so amazed that I could be talking to him during Sunday School class and still have the answer when the teacher called on me). And I can no longer do 20 things at the same time. Or maybe I've finally gotten old enough (because I know I'm old...my kids and my gray hairs tell me so) to realize that I can do it. I just don't want to. And it leads to nothing getting done WELL. I need to pare down our activities. Our "must-do"s...because we are all overwhelmed, and cranky. And I think it's because I am overwhelmed and cranky. And you know the saying there....if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy. Part 2 tomorrow. Maybe.

I Have a Dream

2011-03-22T21:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's not as big as Martin Luther King Junior's dream, but it's big for me. It's this: rows and rows of fresh produce growing in my yard. For several years (ummm, almost 5?) I've picked people's brains, checked out books, searched online...and something always stops me. I think it's mostly fear of the unknown. If you have never done something you don't really know how to "do" it. Head knowledge is not the same as knowing how to do something and doing it right. Right? And then there's the babies that have come with some regularity in our home.
My first foray. I planted my little tomato seeds in cups left over from Haley's first birthday party. I found out the best watering method was to spray them with a spray bottle. So, I got a spray bottle. I dutifully watered those little pink cups til they had some beautiful (albeit delicate) plants growing from them. My own little window sill garden. But then they needed to be transferred to a real garden. But I didn't have one. And so I went on search for tomato cages. Did you know that only when you want to buy some (and need them fairly quickly) you can't? They are not at any local stores? It's true. I promise. So, eventually I gave up and threw away my beautiful little future tomatoes. :( I was so sad. I was looking forward to tomatoes that taste like real tomatoes. Rather than wet cardboard. Blech.
I did do a "stick your toes in the pool" version of gardening. I planted ONE. just ONE. tomato plant. Here was the problem: we had a drought that year (I was pregnant with Nathan also...). So, we watered and watered our one little sun torched tomato plant. And after almost a whole summer of this. One tomato. One. Small. Tomato. Argh. Seriously? I think you need more than one plant to get it to produce. And this is where you see I was right about the difference of knowing something and knowing it. And, I found out that our water has some chlorine in it. Too much. So, if you're using garden hose water you should have a rain bucket type thing (could be a large barrel of some kind) to allow the chlorine to dissipate out of it....but then you would also have mosquitoes. So, we eat wet cardboard flavored red balls. Again. And pay too much for them.
One day I will have a garden though. With lots of good stuff in it. And I will use compost that I've made through worm composting. It's one of THE coolest things EVER! I found it in my searches

Better Than You Are

2011-03-21T21:45:00.001-05:00

I've come to a conclusion. There are certain people in your life (at least I assume they are in everyone's lives) that make you want to be better than you are. No, not the kind that make you feel like you'll never be good enough. Never measure up. Just the opposite. People who make you feel like you can be better. And not in superficial ways. In the best kinds of ways! Some people make you want to gossip and complain. You get drawn into that kind of thing. (at least I assume you do. I do.) When you are with those people you find yourself (okay, I find myself) not liking who you (read: I) are (am). I cringe when I'm alone again. Thinking how I should not have been complain-y and grumpy and gossip-y. And wonder if there wasn't something better we could've spent time talking about.

But then there are those people who just by their sheer postive-ness (positivity??) and goodness make you think it's possible to smile rather than frown. Be kinder and more patient. You could overlook a fault of someone else that annoys you. Because sometimes it's just not that big of a deal. Especially when you think of things that ARE a big deal.

I have someone like that in my life lately. She is such a kind person. A ray of sunshine. And honestly, I wondered early on in our friendship if it was real or if she just was a really good actress. I think it's for real. And that makes it so desirable to be a little more like her. Someone who you just feel good and clean when you have visited with her. She's so understanding and kind. And yet, definitely real.

She makes me want to leave other people with that good feeling when they've been with me. I'm afraid I have a long way to go. But I can start working on it, right?

Fake It Til You Make It

2011-03-20T00:48:00.000-05:00

So, the other night I wrote that dreary, dismal post. The one where I had nothing to give in any area of my life. Where I was not enjoying anything and didn't even have the desire or energy to try.
I don't know what happened, maybe just seeing the pathetic-ness of those words out there? Or maybe it was just "getting it out"? But the next day I purposed to do some stuff. The main (most noticeable/memorable) was that I made cookies with Haley! I was so proud of myself. How sad is that? It's something that I *should* do. And yet I felt like it was this major accomplishment. And I let her do almost of all of it-even knowing that there might be huge messes! That is a double accomplishment for me!

Some time has passed since working on this post. Seems these days I can't get a post done before I'm off and running. Today, any computer time has been purely consuming because I have been folding laundry allllll day long! It feels so good though to replace those dirty piles with nice clean (good smelling) stacks of folded laundry. Yum!

Burned Out

2011-03-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just been so burned out that you have nothing left? I am there right now. I keep wanting to blog but nothing will come. No words. No thoughts that run together to make any coherent sense. Unless it's negative. And I just don't want to be that person. That negative person.

I know the things I need to be doing. I need to play with my kids and take them to do the things that make childhood fun and magical (not huge things, just the little things. The things they will remember for a lifetime-games and baking and stuff.) But I lack the energy to do any of it right now. I seem to spend most of the time waiting for naptime to get here. And I take a nap while the baby naps. I assuage my guilt by telling myself that the big kids are getting a little bit of freedom during this time (because I give them an assignment for school and then they are free to read or play quietly) and Haley is okay, her brother and sister are making sure she is.
I should be taking them to the park. For a walk in a natural area. To the library. And none of it seems worth the effort.
I find no joy in any of it right now. And I know they know this. That they sense my lack of happiness and joy in life. And, as most children do, they probably take on the responsibility for it. For my unhappiness.
I know that the days of their childhood are passing so quickly that they will be grown in a flash. All of this I know. But it doesn't make it any easier to do what I need to do.
I feel so used up and burned out. Like there's not enough. Not enough of me for everyone.
So, that's where I've been.

There is not a creative juice in me right now. Not a drop.

Drain

2011-02-19T21:45:00.000-06:00

Lately I feel like such a drain. Chaos seems to reign supreme in my house. I do NOT thrive in chaos.
Some of it I'm sure is my own fault (letting the kids get a kitten, what was I thinking??) but some of it just comes with four kids. Having that many people saying "Mama" 24 hours a day. Really.
And I know that my kids are such a blessing. I remember the years of longing for a child. I remember wishing I had toys all over my house to complain about. Soccer games to go to. Baseball schedules to figure out. Birthday parties to plan. I have not forgotten.
But I promise you, even if you long for a baby and struggle with infertility or just the right situation for adding a baby to your life, it can still overwhelm you when you have your dream.
I think too, that if I didn't care about how I did this job it wouldn't be such a big deal. But I really want to do it right. Especially when your only job is parenting. You better do a good job. You have no other claim to fame. And there are no do-overs.
So, if blogging is lacking lately...it's because I'm drained beyond the point of writing.

A Dictionary Entry Just for You

2011-02-01T23:23:00.000-06:00

a·dor·a·ble[uh-dawr-uh-buhl

–adjective

very attractive or delightful; charming: What an adorable hat!

worthy of being adored.


Nathan's newest thing is shoes He loves to wear everyone's shoes!

Who's Coming for Dinner?

2011-02-01T14:21:00.000-06:00

As cute as Garfield is....what was I thinking? Letting the kids get a cat!? I'm glad Barbie was willing to have him over for dinner.

Where's Cara?

2011-01-31T23:08:00.000-06:00

Okay, it doesn't have the same ring as "Where's Waldo?" but I'm tapped out. I'm thinking that satan must've been reading my last blog post. If I remember correctly it was about how blessed and happy I am as my life as wife and mommy!? And I guess that made me more of a target to him than wearing a red striped shirt and stocking cap and glasses.

Recap?

I had planned for this past weekend-January 29th and 30th: Haley's 4th Birthday party. And Sunday the Grand Opening for my new business (Signature Homestyles! You should check it out! But if you want to buy something be sure to contact ME, don't buy it through the website!) at my house. That means a party/show with lots of ladies here to look at some awesome home decor and organization products AT MY HOUSE. And my hubby was going to take all 4 kids to a park or somewhere to take away all distraction...

Huge weekend for our family, right? Last Tuesday I took the baby to the dr. Why? He had croup the night before. We treated him at home but I wanted the doctor to check his breathing. Good thinking, right? Except it wasn't. Because his breathing was fine but 36 hours later he began vomiting alllllll over his sleepy mama in the middle of the night. Sound like a perfect incubation period to you? I think so. He got it from the ~~petri dish~~ pediatrician's (sound suspiciously similar??) office. So, he's got the sniffles/congestion which led to the croup and vomiting and diarrhea to go with it. Yay.

Meanwhile, he got the sniffles from his loving, giving sister Haley. Haley, like Nathan, likes to put things in her mouth. Her fingers, whatever. I kept telling her "Haley, you're going to be sick for your birthday party" "No I'm not" she insisted. Well, I was right. But I took no pleasure in being right. Trust me. Friday, yes, the day before her birthday party, she was acting kind of "off" but we kind of went on with our day (with a few extra preparations-extra clothes and a towel). Well, we're about 25 minutes away from home, in the middle of traffic and she starts throwing up in the car. Yep. And poor Lindsay was trying to "help" her but she can't stomach that (most kids can't I'm sure, it's a special ability most mothers pick up on the way out of the hospital with their adorable little cherub). Now, I"m slightly panicked because what am I going to do? Cancel both events? I can't cancel my Grand Opening! How flaky would that seem? To cancel my first business related "thing"?? And her birthday!? I don't even have numbers for everyone!

So, I waited. To see what would happen. She seemed to be basically over it by 4:30 in the morning on Saturday but then as we kept hoping for the best...she just was still puny. So, I managed to get ahold of most people and we moved it to Sunday-after my show! Perfect, right?

She started being punier again on Sunday morning (enough that she stayed home from church with her daddy). So, here I go again, canceling her party (this time for sometime in February as we have a HUGE vacation coming up...more on that later. I think I'll make you wait til it's over!)

And they couldn't leave for my show. Dh was having "issues", Haley was acting weird and sicky and Nathan was still not 100%. So, they were to lock themselves in my bedroom. But Jared came out to let me know that Haley had thrown up again. Yay. (I'm sure my guests were glad to know it too if they caught on). I was so relieved I had already canceled her party.

I forgot to even mention that I was feeling sooooo bad Saturday evening. And I still stayed up to decorate her cake for her party! Hindsight being what it is and all, I wouldn't have done THAT!

I think everyone is on the mend now and we can get ready for our vacation. Hopefully things will look up and I can visit blogworld before then--but I'm still going to make you wait! :)

Can you see why I've been mia??? It's been tough. Stressful. But we survived it-I think.

Leaving Your Mark

2011-01-19T17:38:00.000-06:00

We happen to live in a smaller town (kind of a satellite in relation to the larger town nearby...) so we don't see as much of this kind of thing as said larger town. It's around, but not prevalent. However, that bigger city/town/whatever has a real problem with it.

Graffiti.--this is not my picture. I found it online. I decided it wouldn't be smart to stop in the middle of the road and snap pictures.

It's everywhere. On stores, street signs, private fences, the entrances to nice new neighborhoods. Everywhere. And it looks terrible. And it's so stupid. Why? Why would you want to mark your territory like an animal? That's what it is. And you get nothing from it really. I get if someone is hungry and steals something to eat. I do. Even if someone steals something just because they want it. It's totally not acceptable, it's wrong, but you get it! There's a PAYOFF. But what is the payoff with destroying property just for the heck of it? For making the town you live in look trashy. For ruining property that people paid for. That people work for and work to take care of.
And usually it's nothing that makes any sense to most of us. So, you're not even really making a statement if you do that.
In the old days (ok, I only think I know this because it's in songs...I wasn't really there, nor do I have any proof it happened) graffiti meant defacing the bridge or the water tower to declare your love for your girlfriend. That even makes a little bit of sense. The purpose? To prove you love the person! Even though I'm sure by the time some of the boys that did it climbed down, the romance was almost over....

I just wish those people who commit this crime would realize that it makes our city look awful. And that it really ruins a person's day if it's his or her property. Oh. And if you have talent? GET A J-O-B as an artist.

Blessings

2011-01-17T23:42:00.000-06:00

Here I go again. I typed out this really profound blog. Really it was. Not to toot my own horn or anything. But then I found out that my hubby had signed into his google account...thereby signing me out. But it looked like I was signed in. So, my post was....LOST! I will try again. I don't think it'll be the same. But hopefully it will make you think and the end result will be the same. That you'll count your blessings.

Something that makes me incredibly sad is when parents don't appreciate their children. Sure, I'm guilty of the same thing. Probably ten times today alone. But, they are blessings. Every single one of them. We jumped through a few hoops just to get them (okay, except for Nathan...he was our little surprise...but no less loved and wanted).
Some of this attitude comes from our own selfish desires and agendas. We have plans and woe to anyone or anything that gets in our way. But much of it comes from society's view of children. That they are inconveniences. Burdens. Projects that you have to complete. When I am out and about with my children during a "school day" (when kids are typically in school) I often get these kinds of comments: "I could never...[insert "be with my kids all day", "educate my kids", "give up my days", etc]. Comments that make me out to be a martyr. And while it would be nice to occasionally grocery shop alone, I LIKE having my kids with me. I had them because I want them around. I'm not saying that everyone should homeschool Definitely not saying that. If it's not for you, that's fine. Every family has to make their own decisions based on what is right for the ENTIRE family. But your kids will know if you want to be with them. They'll know if you consider them to be blessings. Or if you consider them to be burdens.
Lately I keep thinking what could be worse than the trials of motherhood:

a baby that doesn't sleep through the night
a pre-schooler that doesn't sleep through the night
all of your tape being used up-on a folded up piece of blank paper
your lipstick being gouged, smooshed and suddenly GONE!
all of your money going to sports and extra-curricular stuff-and when I say all...I really mean it.
screeching kids-sometimes I think my eardrums are bleeding
feeling like if you hear "mommy..." one more time you'll move to Yemen-with no forwarding address
a spare tire around your middle and no time to exercise it away.
dishes out the wazoo. where do they all come from?
washing clothes that WEREN'T EVEN DIRTY!
stepping on legos. Ouch.
furniture that belongs at the salvation army.
a "tween" talking back to you (but you do correct her. you must!)
never finishing anything. truly.

Here's what would be worse:

lots of beauty rest. empty arms in the night.
never being given the empty paper taped up with all of your tape as a "present"
no pictures of the offender with said lipstick all over her face
no baseball or soccer games to watch. no kids to congratulate on their awesome play or console over their missed goal
silence. as a parent silence is golden. but only because it's rare. when there's too much...it loses value
never being called mommy.
no spare tire. no stretch marks. plenty of time to exercise. but no one to chase.
no family to feed (or conversely-no food to feed your family)
no grass stained baseball pants. no spaghetti stained t-shirts.
no lego creations that must be given sufficient "oohs and aaaahs"
furniture suitable for a better homes and garden photo shoot
no daughter to be your best friend when she grows up and appreciates the corrections
everything finished. and nothing to do.

I think this has weighed so heavily on my heart lately because I recently heard about a mother's loss. A loss so sad and tragic. Her child was only a toddler. And you can feel the pain in her written words. Even though he wasn't her only child (by far!) he was so obviously loved and cherished. And I often find myself complaining (in my head or sometimes to friends) or grumping at the kids for these inconveniences. When really they aren't. Sure, homeschooling my children is a hard job. Even moreso now that I have two little ones. It's chaotic.But it's the life I was meant for. The life I chose. And still choose every day.

When I was pregnant with Haley (my 3rd) and a little frightened of the changes a third child would bring to my (fairly orderly) household, I was told by several "moms of many" that the third child was the hardest to adjust to. After that it really didn't matter. (That didn't bring me much comfort by the way!) Well, after Nathan came (and I chanted that bit of "wisdom" to myself daily while pregnant with him-my fourth) I found out that it's not so much the truth. Four is more than three. Therefore, four is harder than three. I am still only one.
But, harder than raising four children?? Imagining my life without any ONE of them in it. Imagining that the fertility treatments didn't work. Or that I were to lose one of my children.....

So, if you see me in the grocery store with all four of my children (because that's usually how it works) don't feel sorry for me. Don't feed the idea that moms are to be pitied if they have their children with them. Don't be fooled by those gray hairs and the wild look in my eyes...I'm blessed!

Some Thoughts on Breastfeeding

2011-01-07T23:06:00.000-06:00

Let me preface this by saying: if you fed/feed your baby formula I do NOT think your baby is not smart. Nor do I think that you are wrong/lazy/stupid/failure....blah blah blah! This is one of those issues that divides mamas so thoroughly when we should be supporting each other and realizing: "different strokes..."

Now. That said, so that I don't hurt any feelings. ;) I have truly loved nursing all 4 of my babies. I was putting Nathan to bed tonight and watched him nursing and a bittersweet feeling gripped my heart. He is most likely my last baby (which I'm okay with). This is the last time I will nurse a baby. Grandbabies are a treasure I'm sure and I will truly enjoy being a grandma (in about 15 years ;) ) but there is nothing like holding your own baby. The moment the doctor placed my babies on my tummy and then shortly thereafter I placed them to my breast. **melting heart**

I have been so very blessed to have an easy time with nursing. I have had very little trouble (I really, truly think that God saw my infertility struggles and knew that I neeeeeded my body to do something that it was "supposed" to do naturally and without help so that I could have some faith in it--kind of falls under "God won't give you more than you can handle") and I'm sad to see this part of my life winding down. My baby is 13 months old and eating food like a champ. I will have to start the weaning process soon (I'm still doing it on demand pretty much at this point-so by cutting down I'm not talking stopping yet)

After a total of about 5 1/2 years of nursing (woah!) here are some tips:

nurse your baby on demand-the baby knows how to increase your supply when needed. I've known so many women who swear by scheduling but then they complain that their milk supply drops and they have to stop nursing or supplement. I spent some time as a pacifier. Do I regret that? NO! Because it's not forever. And you need to sit down just as often as your baby needs to eat-for healing. I often think of how "easy" it would be if someone else could feed the baby in the early days so I could get something done...but usually I needed that time to sit and relax. Grab a book and keep it handy. Or watch your favorite show that you have recorded...or just look at your baby!

sleep with your baby if you feel safe doing so. It's really a great thing-even if you don't breastfeed! They're only little that one time! And the one I chose to sleep with (Nathan) is not a bad sleeper. The one I tried to make sleep in her own bed...notsomuch. So, I think that's more about temperament.

don't worry about losing your weight. It's a year. And it will come off. I'm really working at it now, but I don't have to worry about my supply at this stage...so what if you're a little fluffy while your baby is little? It makes you softer for your baby to lay on. There will be plenty of time to count calories and work out like a fiend. Walk when you can, eat what you need and enjoy!

trust your body. I know there are some women whose bodies don't make the milk their baby needs. But, it's not that common. If you allow your baby to nurse on demand and don't give him or her anything else, most likely your body will do it's job. Count your wet and dirty diapers, go for the weight checks. Your breasts will feel fuller at times than others-when they don't feel full that doesn't necessarily mean that there's no milk. Leave the formula alone (unless you realize that once you begin to introduce formula on a regular basis you will probably need it and that's okay with you...).

be calm. If you are calm your baby will be calmer. And your milk will come in and let down easier.

nurse where you feel comfortable doing so. I'm one that feels very comfortable nursing in public. I rarely use a blanket (the baby hates it usually and tries to flail it off-which just draws more attention) and most people don't realize I'm nursing unless I draw attention to it. You can be discreet. It's about feeding your baby, not flaunting your "parts". And if you don't feel comfortable doing it in public? Don't! There are nursing lounges and dressing rooms in so many places. I have also used my car if I know it's a safe area to sit in my car. My older kids? They don't even bat an eye. (I have known some that are anxious about how their older kids will react to seeing their mother's breast-but I think if you make it very casual/nonchalant...they will see it that way too!) In fact, Lindsay and Haley have both nursed their babies! I *heart* that!

and most of all: DON'T GIVE UP. Talk to a lactation consultant-even if they charge, it's cheaper than formula. If it's important to you...keep at it! And if it doesn't work out for you? If you're one of that .9% (or whatever) of women who can't do it?? Or if you really hate the idea and don't want to nurse-never have? Give your baby the bottle and know that you love him or her just as much and he or she will be FINE! I know so many babies that are healthier and happier than anything...and they were *gasp* formula fed! My mom didn't nurse...and my twitch is barely noticeable! (Just kidding!)

P.S. I do have some dear friends who were unable-despite every effort (beer drinking, oatmeal eating, fenugreek taking, mother's cookies eating....you name it, they tried it!) and my kudos go out to them! I don't know that I would have had the tenacity to keep at all that at a time when you are tired and worn down anyway! You deserve a HUGE pat on the back!

Need Answers?

2011-01-04T22:34:00.000-06:00

I was thinking the other day that I wish this blog had lots of answers. I feel like I come here and blab about all the things I don't know...you might be to the point of thinking, "what is this person doing writing...she knows nothing?" On the contrary! I know that I don't know everything.
This is part of being a mom four times over. I now know how little I know.
This past Sunday I was asked to stay and help out in the nursery and while I was in there a mom of a 5 month old came in. Her only baby. She's a sweet first time mom. With lots of answers. Everything that was discussed (it was myself and a lady that is a mom and grandma) she had the answer for. Thing is, I did too. When I only had one child.
Even when I had 2 children. I knew almost everything. You could've asked me and I'd have told you how much I knew. Discipline problems? Well, sure. Got a minute? Eating issues? Pull up a chair! Sleeping trouble? Wee-hellllll, let me tell you what I know! Then...
I ate a large. No, we're talking HUGE piece of humble pie. Her name is Haley. She taught me some things. (Or rather God taught me through her.)
Now...Discipline problems? don't come to me! Have you seen my children? Eating issues? I sure as heck don't know. Sleeping trouble? Look at the bags under my eyes and see if you think I'm the one to ask.
When the new mommy left the nursery with her precious baby...I just smiled. One day she will eat humble pie. We all do!

By the way, I do still offer advice sometimes. I can tell you what works/worked for us at different times and what didn't work. It's offered in a manner that is much less "commanding" and more timid. I don't tell people what to do. But I know this to be true: every child is so different. Each one created uniquely. And he or she doesn't have a manual because there is no manufacturer assembly line. God created each one special-you know, like the handmade items that say each one is unique and any difference is not a defect?-and so each one has to be handled differently-but all with love, firmness and tenderness. I'm still working on the firmness and tenderness-looking for that good mix of the two. The love? Got that one down. Now, I'm going to bed before my almost 4 year old wakes for her 1st time and I have to try go get her back into her own bed.

New Year. New Undertakings. New Goals.

2010-12-28T22:58:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking. (Yeah yeah, collective groaning...I can hear it-even if no one actually comments ;) ) There is so much in my life that is total chaos. Mayhem. And so much of it is my responsibility. I'm the mom after all. I know (from experience) that my mood and my actions set the tone for my family and household. Actually, I read that somewhere and started paying attention. It's true. If I'm in a mood everyone picks up on that mood. I hear my own attitude (tone) coming out of my kids' mouths and my husbands. Who'da thunk? But it's true.

Example: When I get really irritated with Haley, because she's being, well, 3 and Haley...I see that everyone takes that on. Everyone starts "yelling" at her (maybe not in volume but in tone they are yelling). They don't tend to see the cuteness of her. Just the annoyances. The bad stuff. However, if I set the tone for seeing her cuteness (and let's face it, she is stinkin' adorable!) others in the family tend to notice that more and the bad stuff less. (And we're working on the bad stuff.)

Another example? Okay. (And I know from talking to other moms that I'm not alone here.) Sometimes by the end of the day you're done. Done being "mommy", "mama", "Moooooooom", and so on. So, you are maybe a little grumpy at the kids-okay, so maybe you're not, but I am. By the time my dear husband comes in from a long day at work I'm ready for him to come in and NOT be grumpy at the kids. After all, he hasn't been with them all day. Dealt with the squabbles and tattling and constantness that is parenting. Right? But, if he walks in and I'm grouching at the kids (hoping he'll take the hint and step in...) he begins grouching at them right away!? What happened? My plan didn't work! Because I set the tone. Instead of saying "Hey, I'm really at the end of my rope here, can you take over for a few so I can breathe?" I've in essence told him that the kids are rotten and he should be mad at them. Or maybe it's that he's instantly mad at them because he's come home to a less than happy wife, a less than peaceful house. And that's not good.

So, there's a lot going on in my mind right now about how to make my world-and therefore my family's world-a lot happier in 2011.

1. Time management. I've gotten really sloppy in this area. I haven't been reading my Bible. I haven't been making time to exercise. I wait til the last minute to get ready for things-and then get mad at my kids if something goes wrong and makes us late. Ummm, I'm thinking I shouldn't have given us (a family with 4 kids) no room for error, huh? I should allow plenty of time for looking for that lost sippy cup or Scooby Croc.

2. Finances. We did the Financial Peace University class (Dave Ramsey) but we haven't put much into place regarding the program. I don't think that sitting in a classroom once a week for the duration of the program instantly fixes your financial woes. I think you actually have to FOLLOW the plan. So, we're really going to go after it. (Other than the trip to Disney World that we had already promised our kids...but we're not charging it....it will just cut into how much we can pay down our debt right off the bat). He calls it "gazelle intensity". Meaning every penny that we can scrape up goes into paying off our credit card debt. This will mean sacrifice. This will also mean prioritizing and budgeting. Ouch.

3. Health. I've been really slacking in this area. I had started to get it under control (weight that is) and then I messed up my knee and had to back off of the exercising to let it heal. Well, it's better now. The excuses are gone. But here's the deal. Just like I said before, I see that I can set the tone in my household. It's my job to lead them into more healthful thinking. Exercising more. Eating less-and definitely less sugar and junk food. Desserts should be a special thing, not because it's a day of the week that ends in "y". I need to think of ways that are fun to exercise with Lindsay-soccer, running together, walks. Because at her age (she's almost 11 now) she needs time with me as well as to learn better how to care for her body.

4. Organization. Ugh. My house is a perpetual mess. I have 6 people, 1000 square feet. And a lot of stuff. That does not equal peace and order. Thing is, I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person, so if I get self-control in the other areas (food, exercise, time, etc) I will naturally start to be more orderly and organized. I want to start keeping track of goals-long and short term and dreams and plans and working towards them. Checklists if you will. Things as simple as small updates on the house, weight loss goals or as big as trips we'd love to take later on in life, completing my education at some point...

And I think I found something that will help me to accomplish a lot of this. It's a new-to-me website! I'm so excited!!!! Ready? Here is where you go to see it! It has directions for a Family notebook. That almost made me wet my pants! I love notebooks. Anything that involves school or office supplies just excites me. I'm a self-admitted nerd. I can't wait to print off my notebook an show you what it has in it. And to start chronicling some of the changes in our lives. The other thing I found is this. An online tool/website that will help me lose this nasty weight I started putting on when Haley was about 2. (As I weaned her I forgot to cut back on my caloric intake which equaled weight gain. Then I got pregnant. That didn't help-in case you wondered.)

So, I'm excited to make these changes. If you'll notice I didn't use the "r" word (you know: r-e-s-o-l-u-t-i-o-n) cause those are only made to be broken by, oh January 4th. ;)
P.S. Look for some changes in my blog too...I've got some brainstorming going!

Comments

2010-12-21T10:54:00.000-06:00

Ok, seriously people. I have over a thousand hits on my blog in just a few months (not too shabby--makes my day in a "I need the approval/interest of others kind of way") and yet my comments department is pathetic. Does the stuff I write just not invite comments? Or do I say so much that there's nothing left to say? And the funny thing is that usually when I'm just sure a certain post will invite comments...that is invariably the one with a big fat goose egg of people saying anything about it.

What would you (my readers) like to hear/see on my blog? I love my blog. It started out just for me, but I also love that people read it. And I get (real life) comments and compliments on it, so I hover between thinking it's uninteresting and the hits on it are accidental...and thinking people really do like it and come here on purpose.

More pics? Recipes? Things we do? Thanks in advance!!!!

'Tis the Season

2010-12-20T17:15:00.000-06:00

to be busy. I never really understood that part of people's complaints of the holidays. Then my kids became involved in their first ever Christmas play. (more on that in a minute). We were runnin'! Constantly. Literally, I used up the same amount of gas in about 4 days that I normally use in a week and a half! We had Christmas parties, Christmas Fest, Christmas shopping, Christmas.....and so many of the things I wanted so badly to do got pushed aside. I'm sad about that.
Christmas Chain. I wanted to make one with Haley. A real one with lots of links-alternating colors. And a star at the top for Christmas Day. With glitter. Lots of glitter. Even though it gets EVERYwhere.

Elf and Owl Ornaments They are so cute! And I think my big kids would like to make them. And they'd be so sweet as a garland kind of thingy.

A Garlandy kind of thing for Christmas cards and various pictures/crafts. Although in the busyness of the Season people seem to have eschewed Christmas Card sending. That makes me sad. I love Christmas Cards-the newsy, picturey kind!

Drive around looking at Christmas lights.

Make gingerbread people cookies. I've never done that. And I promise, I was going to let my kids decorate their own and not touch 'em. But, fair is fair...they wouldn't be allowed to touch mine either!

Watch Christmas movies. Polar Express, It's a Wonderful Life (can you believe I've never seen that?), A Christmas Carol, How the Grinch Stole Christmas...and on and on.

But my kids were so cute in their Christmas play that it was worth it all. Lindsay loved it. Such a drama queen. Jared....he decided he was going to sit next year out. We'll see. My rule is he had to try it one time. And he had to do it with a happy heart. Then, if he hated it!? Never again. So, the ball is in his court now. He only freaked out a couple of times-due to costume issues. He was way too cool to be in a lion costume. And definitely too cool to have an eye-liner nose and whiskers. (I gave in on the nose and whiskers-baby wipes took 'em right off.)
Lindsay played an Indian Princess (thankfully she got that part because she had a costume I made her for Halloween 2 years ago! It still fit-barely-but it fit!)

I took my camera with me. But my camera stinks. It has a special red-eye feature. It makes sure there are red eyes on every person in every picture. And if you're trying to take pictures in a place like a sanctuary...forget it. It actually takes better pictures in a DARK room than one with overhead lighting like most sanctuaries have. Bah. (Yeah, I've missed pics of all of my kids scouting award's ceremonies.) So, no pictures for you. :(

Next year the plan is to do an advent calendar. For real! Not with gifts so much as with activities. Simple, homemade fun. Things that remind us to slow down and spend time together. I'll be looking for ideas for making or buying (cheaply) an advent calendar through the year so that it actually gets done.

Puppies or Kids?

2010-12-14T22:47:00.000-06:00

Something that amuses me is the way my kids (and other siblings) can play or lay in a tangle. They're like a litter of puppies. I grew up with only 2 brothers. And they are much younger than I am. I was an only child until I was 10. My first brother was born then. My second brother wasn't born til I was 14! So, all the touching is, well, it's weird to me. My family is also not super touchy. So, it's fascinating to me when I see people touching all over each other.
A few summers ago I babysat for 3 boys that were 8, 9 and 11 years old. They would get to my house in the morning and often lay on the couch and fall asleep. Their mother is the sweetest person-she would let them stay up half the night so they'd rest in the mornings. Ha ha! Anyways, they would lay in this tangle on the couch-arms and legs all over the place.
I think that this leads to people being more inclined to touch. Or maybe it's nature!? I don't know for sure, but I know I'm not very good at it. I'm more of a "personal space" kind of girl. It's one of the things I regret about myself as a mother. I hear friends talk of enjoying cuddling up on the couch with their kids or welcoming kids into the bed in the morning. That's just not comfortable to me, let alone pleasant. Once my kids are past babyhood, I feel super awkward with a lot of huggy-kissy stuff. And even if I fight off that discomfort...I'm sure my body language and hesitation shows it.
I wonder if there's some way to learn to be "touchy feely"!?
Does anyone know?

More on Excess. Kind of.

2010-12-13T22:58:00.000-06:00

So, I've been thinking. We're letting our activities take over our life. I know none of you have ever done that, but we have recently. All of the things we're in are good. But there are too many right now.
We're in the homeschool Christmas play. And anyone in the homeschool group where I live knows that it's cuh-razy! (Not to mention that I live about 30 minutes-on a good traffic day-away from where all these festivities take place.)
We also joined 4H (yes, the one that has cows and goats and stuff-but I'm not allowing cows and goats and stuff). We joined it because there are supposed to be scholarship opportunities available. Later.
We are in Cub Scouts (did you know it can help a guy get a better ranking in the military if he gets his Eagle Scout badge?? Later.)
We are in American Heritage Girls (because we don't believe in a lot of what the Girl Scouts do/teach).
Sports-in season.
Church stuff.
Like I said, all of this is great stuff, and scholarships and military advantage are great things....but what about if we have nervous break-downs and don't make it til "later"?
When I mentioned to Lindsay today that 4H might have to go, she reminded me of the scholarship opportunities (she's 10 people!). But I had been thinking and had a comeback. I could talk to 10 different mamas (friends with kids) and they would all have a beneficial activity that my kids should be in. And great reasons why it would benefit them now and later. But we have to pick and choose for ourselves.
I have friends that are huge into drama and speech and debate. And their kids are awesome! And it's going to take them places I'm sure! But, do I want to drive all over the country spending money I don't have for that? Nah. Point is, we all have to be who we are and do what is important to us. And if the stuff in our life starts crowding out time for God and family and friends...it's not worth the benefits it might afford us "later".
Tomorrow, Haley will be taken to pre-school (a dear friend keeps 4 little girls, including her own, 2 days of the week for FREE and does a little pre-school program with them that Haley thrives on.) Other than that? We're staying home. We're doing school (which all of the above mentioned activities have pushed aside-we're behind!). I think I'll bake some banana bread. Nathan will take his nap in his crib and not have it interrupted a bazillion times. I can find out what is going on in the heads of my two big kids. And in their hearts too. I'll also give them a few chores and some time to decompress-ie play outside! I might get some stamps and finish preparing my Christmas cards (not because I feel pressured or have to do that, but because I love to share our family's latest picture with those we don't often see and wish them a Merry Christmas). Oh, and the durn Christmas chain! We need to make that so Haley can count the days til Christmas. But, we're spending most of the day at home! Ahhhhh.

Excess

2010-12-11T21:42:00.000-06:00

Excess = Chaos.

I'm a genius. I've figured this out. I now know why I'm always in a tizzy. We have too much stuff. And too many activities (well, the kids do). This means we're chaotic (not like Britney Spears, just normal chaotic) because we're drowning in excess. My two most common phrases (you can ask my kids!) are "Look at this place!!!" --referring to our house which is always a disaster area. AND
"Where is my phone?" --because when you have chaos things get lost. Sometimes I pray that someone will call me. Not because I'm bored or lonely but because I don't know where my phone is. And the only way I can find it is if it rings-unless it's at the dentist's office like it was last week. Then I won't be able to find it when it rings.

Monday I have a serious dilemma. My children are due at a 4H meeting at 10am. Where we will do a nice service project. We're making little gift bags for children that are less fortunate. I have even bought some of the stuff already. Problem? They are also due at dress rehearsal for the play they're in. Yep. At 10am. Same time. Not same place. And Jared needs a costume of some kind of animal for that day (an ark animal-as in Noah's ark). We've already had the suggestion of cutting a hole in the back of his pants and he can be a baboon...prob'ly won't work with the director. I think it's a family oriented play. Even if I had the $60 to spend.....I don't have time to wait for a costume to arrive now if I order it online (oh, and I don't have the $60 by the way).

All of these things come up and they're valuable experiences for the kids. Why can't I just realize that we can't have every valuable experience!? 4H (I've heard) has great opportunities for scholarships-which my children will need if they're going to college, which I hope they do. But the Christmas play is an awesome thing...Lindsay has found she LOVES it. And Jared's growing into it too! (P.S. Don't forget CubScouts and American Heritage Girls).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2010-12-05T14:57:00.000-06:00

I usually don't like enjoy reading new authors. Often you have to go through some duds before you get an author that excites you. So, I read the same author systematically until I've finished every book of his or hers that I'm aware of and can get my hands on. Mary Higgins Clark is one. I've read all of her books at least once. Most more than once. John Grisham. There are a few that are less than relaxing for me (because I find them hard to follow-Pelican Brief anyone?) but most of his books I truly enjoyed! Well, I came to that point recently where I had exhausted all I could think of that were known authors, so I started the search. In all honesty...I am a "judge the book by the cover" kind of person. I know. I know. You can miss out on some great books that way. But it's true. I do it.

I found this book, not having a clue anything about the book, or it's author. I LOVED it! It was a great book! I've been to the place where most of it is set! I love when that happens. It's in Sanibel Island, Florida. A really pretty little island by Fort Myers-with beautiful shells by the way! I remember too, that we had a very nice family day on that island. One of those days that just worked out.

Anyways, the book...it's about a woman in her 50s-empty nest, husband gone-who finally found time to finish a book she had started so many years ago. But, life, as it often does, got in the way. She had children to raise, and responsibilities to deal with. This book within a book contrasts the seasons of life that we women face. She becomes close (as close as she will allow) to her neighbor who is elderly and alone at a time when she is in the throes of raising small children and wondering how her life became so out of control. Most of the plot is surrounding a week she spent alone. During a fight with her husband, he has his parents come and get her kids. I think she is equal parts horrified and relieved. She wants to be able to do it all. But knows it's not realistic. I can relate to that because I don't like to ask for help. Pride. Ugly pride.

So, her in-laws (parents to her not-so-great husband) take the kids for the week. And she doesn't know what to do with herself at first. She is torn between what she "should" do...housework anyone?...and what she longs to do...write!!!!!

This is all just a preface for what I wanted to blog about...if you had a week for yourself, how would you spend it? (This was one of the discussion questions in the back. And since I don't belong to a book club-although I wish I did!!!!!-I thought I could kind of turn my blog into one occasionally.)

If I had a week to myself (and my own financial-ie limited money-situation) here's what I think I would do.
The first day would be spent cleaning and organizing-okay, it might take two, but I could probably get enough done in day one to call it good. So that I could then....RELAX and enjoy the other 4 (I'm assuming this is 5 days because I can't imagine 7 without my children and husband.).

Second day...okay my house is done, right? It's clean. Now what? I'd read. I'd eat warm meals sloooowly. I would definitely spend some time in prayer and in Bible reading. I'd rest/sleep whenever my body told me it needed it. I'd write-if the mood struck me to write. I'd take a shower without fear of what I would find when I got out. I'd shave both legs in that shower. I'd lay on the couch. I don't do that now because someone will lay ON me. Always. I'd do some cooking-and put the food in the freezer for those busy days when you just can't think about what to make, let alone actually make it. I'd walk around some stores. I don't need to buy things, but I like to wander through stores sometimes....and that's the sum total of it. That would be my exciting week alone. Because when you're a mom...quiet is exciting!

Something I Know For Sure

2010-12-04T07:58:00.002-06:00

So, in my 35 years I've learned something that I know to be true.
If you want to look stupid, try to be someone you're not. Go ahead. Transform yourself. It brings to mind those cars that everyone (well, little boys of all ages and sizes) love. Those things that aren't quite cars and aren't quite robots. And no matter which thing they are at the moment you can always see the cracks. And something is always liable to pop out of place at any time.
Think about it. Have you ever tried to mimic someone's being? Only to find that the real you pops out at the most inopportune moment?
I'm not talking about real change. I'm not talking about bettering yourself. I'm certainly not referring to the changes God can make in you. I mean if you're a jeans and t-shirt kind of person trying to wear sweater sets or suits. If you're a tomboy kinda girl trying to make yourself into a girly girl. It won't work. The first chance you get you'll have your jeans back on. Doing the activities you truly enjoy.
And if you manage to suppress it for too long (which I suppose is possible) you'll chafe.
A bookworm cannot for any length of time live the life of a party girl. Neither can a party girl (Paris Hilton anyone??) become a bookworm. (By the way, although I"m social for sure, I fall into the bookworm category!)
As a kid I was totally an inside kid. A doll-playing, book reading (although not quiet) kind of kid. However, I began to admire Samantha Micelli-of the early days of Who's the Boss? Come on. We all did. She had spunk. And she was a daddy's girl (yes. I know she was fictional. Humor me.) I wanted to be her. It only took a very short time to figure out that I was NOT a tomboy. I was scared to death of any kind of fighting (she came home with black eyes!), I certainly didn't know how to catch a foot-ball (the first time she had trouble with it was when she needed a bra). Basketball? Nope. Baseball? Notsomuch. Darn. And being that I'm not from the Bronx (or Italian) I could never have had her uber-cool accent.
If you're not into fashion and make-up, you will always feel overdone and silly in the same clothes and make-up that look great on someone you know.
I know there have been times (and this is just a superficial example) that I thought how great someone looked in a style of clothing with strategic jewelry. And perfectly coiffed hair. So, I tried it. Wanna know what I get when I do that? Wasted money and I feel silly. Not because it doesn't look great....but because it's not who I am! I feel overjewelried (my own new word! yay!) if I have on anything more than my tiny diamond studs in my ears and my wedding ring. I can be okay with a watch and a small necklace....anything more (Including glasses-which I'm supposed to wear, hair do-dads, headbands....any of it) puts me over the top!
I don't think it really took this many years to know that it looks silly, it just took this long for me to accept that "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam" (Popeye-one of my faves as a kid!)

Happy Birthday Nathan

2010-12-02T07:53:00.000-06:00

It's my baby's birthday today. He's turning one. And I'm not a happy camper about this. I know. I know. I should count my blessings one by one. And realize how blessed I am to even have experienced this once, let alone four times now. There were times I never thought I'd be a momma. And that was always what I wanted most in life. We struggled for 4 1/2 years with trying to have a baby. And then lost the first one to miscarriage. I was just sure that was my "one chance" and I'd done something to ruin it. Six months later we learned we were expecting Lindsay (almost 11 now). Then, two years after that...Jared was on the way (almost 9)!! Then, there was another battle...well, sort of. I really ~~wanted~~ needed another baby. But Harold did NOT. Now what? I knew better than to push for it. I knew he needed to want it too. Otherwise we would build resentment in an otherwise pretty darn good marriage. So, I waited. And I prayed. And waited. And occasionally broke down and cried-not tears of manipulation, but tears of true heartbreak and sadness. And just when I was giving up hope...he came to me with all of the right reasons why he wanted to try one more time!!!! (I seriously hit him because I thought he was joking with me--that would not have been a funny joke.) Shortly thereafter we got the news that we were expecting our 3rd baby! Years came off of my life during that pregnancy. I'll tell you that. I had some complications that sent me scurrying to the ER once and to the doctor several more times (where ultrasounds proved her to be okay). Now I know why. She's a spitfire. Determined to give me as many gray hairs as possible. (She's almost 4 by the way!)
After Haley, we were sure. We were done. That was it. And we told God that too. Thankfully, He didn't listen. Long story short...in April of 2009 I found out I was pregnant once again-our first ever surprise pregnancy. I was instantly happy. There was not a moment that I felt like it wasn't meant to be-even through the miseries of pregnancy (and I had a few). Amazing how God opened up that place in my heart for my little guy. My Boo. My little man that I canNOT imagine life without. The one we didn't know we wanted.
I'm reliving all of it right now because he's going to be 1 in less than 12 hours. I've never. Not once. Felt this sad about one of my babies turning one. I guess that means I truly believe in my heart of hearts that this is it. He's the last one for us.
It's been a great year...full of fun and frustrations (in case you're wondering...four is a lot more kids than three!). He's a great "little" guy.
And I can't imagine if we'd had our way and been "done" before him. I can never again say I'm done. That's up to God, in all His infinite wisdom.
He's walking-running when he has something he knows you want to get from him. He laughs. He says dog and ball. He smacks his lips when he wants to eat what you have. Tonight he made a sound like "yuck" or "blech" when he looked at the food he had decided he didn't like. HIlarious. (Yeah, I know, I won't like that when he's older, but for now? It's funny!) He loves his hammer (and uses it on us sometimes) and makes "vroom vroom" sounds when playing with cars and trucks. He loves to pull the light bulb out of his sister's nightlight. He claps, climbs, signs some words. Oh yeah, and he's captured the hearts of our entire family. My little blue-eyed, blonde haired Boo. When I nurse him right now I try to enjoy the feeling that nursing your little one gives you-the feeling that all is right in the world. Because most likely, I will never experience that feeling again.

Some pictures for you to enjoy:

Husbands and Books

2010-11-16T09:00:00.001-06:00

I think I am qualified, after 16 years of marriage, to comment about husbands. Or at least mine. I know what a husband is and what he is not.
Anything you see in a romance novel...he is probably not. I fell into the trap, early in my marriage, of always being lost in a romance novel. And when I'd come out of it, into the real world, I was always disappointed in my husband.
He wasn't like those characters. Planning romantic dates, saying just the right thing at the right time, debonair, running his fingers through my hair. Whisking me off to romantic places, showering me with gifts and flowers.
But, after a lot of time wanting him to be like those men and being discontent with him, I realized that those characters are made up! By women! That they are a woman's fantasy of what a man is.
My husband can no more be one of those men than I could be a woman that gets her fame from posing for Playboy. Those women are simply real women but turned into a man's fantasy using all kinds of tricks-photoshopping, airbrushing, posing, hours of hair styling, etc! They aren't real. Just like in romance novels...they aren't real! And just like women complain that they could never live up to those fantasy women in Playboy and other pornographic magazines...men could never live up to a fictional "perfect" man.
I'm not saying that I don't still love an occasional romance novel. I'm a reader. I love to read. It's in my bones. And I'm a romantic. But, I've expanded.
I still read a lot of romance, but I try to stick to mostly Christian romance. There are so many good authors in that genre. They may not be what the world would judge as literary greatness, but I enjoy reading them, they make me feel, and I miss the characters when the story is over.

::Karen Kingsbury. If you haven't read her, you are missing out. Her stories touch your heart. The characters are "real" people with flaws and all! I am torn when reading her books (she writes stand-alone novels as well as series) because I want to keep reading til it's over, but at the same time...then it will be over.

::Janette Oke. I don't read her too much anymore because I read everything already. But, Lindsay is now starting to read her stuff. It's that wholesome. This picky mama lets her 10 year old read her stuff. There is some romance involved, but not silly "crushy" "hooking-up" romance. More along the lines of real, love-for-a-lifetime romance. They are super easy reads-simple.

::Francine Rivers. Try Redeeming Love or The Scarlet Thread or Leota's Garden. All great novels. And as I looked for titles to tell you, I found a million more of her books I need to check out!

::Tracie Peterson. Treasures of the North, Ashes and Ice and Rivers of Gold are all titles in the Yukon Quest series. And tons of others you would probably love-and again, I'm behind!

Add to these the Frontier/Pioneer type books. They are usually mail order bride kind of things...fluff. But enjoyable fluff if you don't need your literary senses titillated at every turn. (I've wanted to use that word-titillated-for a while now!)

Got a penchant for intrigue?
Try:
::Terri Blackstock. Last Light, Night Light, True Light and Dawn's Light are all part of a series that is part intrigue and part "what if". I LOVED that one! Private Justice, Shadow of Doubt, Word of Honor, Trial by Fire and Line of Duty are all part of the Newpointe 911 series. Great series! Another of her series of books is Cape Refuge. Cape Refuge, Southern Storm, River's Edge and Breaker's Reef. I have also discovered I'm way behind on Terri Blackstock's books. Wow. I have a lot of reading to catch up on. If I become MIA you'll know I'm stuck with my nose in a book every spare minute.

There are also a lot of books on parenting, cooking, homeschooling, homemaking, etc. that can encourage you in a positive way and not make your husband seem less than right for you.

Oh, and don't forget The Book that has sold more copies than any other book. EVER. According to one article, in the last 10 years alone 250 million copies of it have been sold. And that doesn't include the number of Bibles printed and given away! Wikipedia didn't even list it on their best sellers because they said there's no way of having an accurate count when so many are given free.

Believe it or not, your library will probably have some of these books. And I request them (either for purchase or interlibrary loan) when they don't!

As Requested

2010-11-15T08:00:00.001-06:00

Wasted Time

2010-11-14T07:45:00.000-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that the time I spend looking for things that aren't where they were supposed to be has accumulated to the point that there are years of my life wasted that I will never get back. Seriously.

::Sippy cups. Untold hours-adding up to days and possibly weeks-lost. And some of them either never found, or found months later. And let me tell you. We rarely wash the ones found months later.

::Recipes. This one prob'ly isn't as bad as some. Prob'ly less than a total of 24 hours lost on this. I have this entire cabinet in my kitchen for recipes. But can I ever find the one I need? No. I have this great idea for a pretty and organized way to keep track of my recipes. And if I wasn't wasting so much time looking for things....maybe I'd have time to implement it. If I ever get it done I'll share with ya.

::Important papers. Years. Gone. Last night alone I wasted 2 hours on this endeavor. Looking for something that should've been in a specific place. (The diaper bag) And worse than that, delayed medical treatment for Nathan. I couldn't find his medical insurance papers. The proof I needed (or thought I did-they ended up having it on file at the hospital) to show the Emergency Room people that he has coverage so I didn't have to pay tons of money (that I didn't have) for him to get seen for viral croup. Still haven't found those papers. I was spitting mad. At myself. Thing is, I had the paper in my hand 2 days ago. I took it out of it's envelope to put in the diaper bag. But, I guess I never made it there. It happens a lot. I'm trying to be methodical about something (which doesn't come naturally to me-I'm more of a spaz I think than a methodical person) and put it directly where it needs to be and I get interrupted by 1 or 2 of my 4 children. I then lay the article down and forget about it. That thing could be in the weirdest place. But, the point is...that's almost 2 hours of my life that I can never get back.

::Articles of clothing. Still looking for the bottom half of Nathan's pajamas. It's a pair I LOVE. And one of his few that is just right for these cool-but not cold-nights that we are having. And they're cute on him. Although I do have to roll up the left sleeve because it covers his thumb and then he wakes up A LOT. And I don't like that. But the pants are MISSING!? That is ridiculous. And this is just one example. I know I spent hours (not all at once, but still...)looking for 1/2 of an outfit that Haley had. It was cute and comfy. I ended up finding it,months later, in Lindsay's toys. Oy.

Are you wondering what happened to Nathan last night? Why he needed to go to the hospital? We put him down for his nap yesterday afternoon and he was FINE. He had a runny, snotty nose, but no biggie. Just a little cold. I made the mistake of leaving the ceiling fan on in his room because with the air off and using windows, the boys' room gets stuffy because we don't open that window. Anyways, I was decorating a cake for a party and so Harold went to get him from his bed and when they came out you could hear every inhalation and exhalation. Sounded horrible.

(It was something like that sound, only deeper.)
Very scary to hear. So, as I was frantically looking for his paper that proves his insurance...he got better...then worse again...then better. Each time he sounded better I was tempted to skip the ER. Who wants to spend a Saturday evening in the ER!? We ended up going. And he was better. So, they just gave him an oral steroid, a prescription for some more of it. And everyone thought he was adorable. But, I knew that already.

Camping

2010-11-10T07:14:00.001-06:00

Where we live, this is the best time of the year. Late October through April. The rest of the year, we survive. And during those months of unbearably hot weather, I remind myself that while so many people we know are buried in snow and ice, we....WON'T. It's what gets me through. (And for the record-I hate snow! Worse than heat I hate it. Yes, it makes beautiful post cards...but other than that? No redeeming qualities when you're over 12 in my not-so-humble-but-oh-so-honest opinion.)
So, in November we like to camp.
Our weekend went something like this:
Thursday:
We arrive at 5:20pm (just after the park closed so that we had to wing it on choosing a campsite-no biggie though) and while my hubby sets up with the help of the two older kids and Nathan I head to the nearest little grocery store to find the rest of our food supplies (I only get some of it before we leave because they have a nice little version of our same grocery store and it's easier than trying to fit everything in our limited space for traveling). Oh, and firewood. Yeah. I almost panicked because it looked as if we were not going to find it. And it was chilly! And we didn't get a site with electricity, so we were dependent on fire for cooking! But (because I'm not afraid to chat with the checker at the grocery) I found out where I could buy some. phew!

Thursday night was PRET-TY chilly! Thankfully I slept with a little heater-Nathan. And after some middle of the night sleep rearranging, all was well (we moved Haley to sleep with her daddy so she'd be warmer and happier). And the animal sounds were really neat to listen to-because the park was so empty at this point they were out in full force! Owls, coyotes and some I'm not sure about (I promise that when Lindsay needed to make a trip to the ahem-powder room-in the wee (still dark) morning hours we took the van! I didn't want to meet any of those animals.

Friday was awesome. Most of the day we had the campgrounds pretty much to ourselves since most people were still at school and work. And the weather was gorgeous! And when you start your day with eggs, bacon and pancakes cooked over fire...what can go wrong?

(Ok, something could go wrong, but it was little, and nothing a band-aid lovingly applied by her daddy couldn't fix)

~~Opie~~Jared (cue whistling)

Friday night we had a campfire and s'mores (of course). Only bummer was that at this point a ROWDY band of boy scouts (I use the title loosely) showed up at the site just behind us. Thankfully, we were separated by some brush-but not enough. These boys had to have been trained in the same scout pack as the Osbornes. As in Ozzy. Obnoxiously loud. Kept coming into our campsite-even when told not to-and messing with our stuff! But, they didn't ruin our camping trip. Just something to deal with.

Saturday we had more of the same. Pretty weather. Walks around the grounds. And loud, in-your-space boyscouts. Oh well, you can't win 'em all, right? Some friends joined us for the day and we had a nice time with them. Walking around, playing some games and just enjoying life.

(The girls, enjoying a little Ladder Ball-after we untangled the balls that the BOY SCOUTS, ummm aren't they supposed to do good deeds?, tied in knots!)

Good times with a great friend...never mind the no make-up Jaba the Hut (sp?) look I'm sporting....it's camping for goodness' sake!

All tuckered out. But so cozy in his stroller with the blanket the kids and I made for him!

Don't bother them now, they're playin' bocce ball!

Saturday night something funny and cool happened. We were out of lighter fluid, so my hubby went to get more (thankfully the store is very close-so it's no big deal) so we could start our evening campfire as well as cook our dinner. While he was gone, Jared was messing around in the campfire ring with the ashes and stuff from our morning fire. I wasn't too concerned-although I prob'ly should have been since we've experienced burns on 2/4 of our kids-from campfires!-because he had no matches, lighter fluid or active fire, right? Next thing I know he is calling me to look! He got a fire going! Just from an ember. He blew on that little ember and poked at it and blew on it-sooo patiently!-until he got a little flame. Then, he added some fuel (ie wood) and blew a little more.

And then Sunday....we had to pack up and leave. Right about the time the un-scoutly scouts did....booo. We'd have LOVED to have had a little more time where the park was all quiet and peaceful (well, except for us!)

P.S. There are so many more pictures I'd like to post of this camping trip...just not sure if everyone wants to see that many. ;)

Cooking in My House

2010-11-01T08:19:00.003-05:00

Cooking in my house is quite the chore. I want to enjoy cooking. And I do. But, my children have come to expect that every meal is exactly what they want. Does that make sense? What I mean is this: we can never eat to live. You know, "boring" food. Food that you eat to sustain you.
I'm not talking about gruel or anything, just regular food.
Have you ever read Little House on the Prairie? My kids have. But they don't get it. Those people (and other pioneer-type people) ate the same thing every day. And much smaller amounts of it-and they survived. Not only did they survive, but I'm sure they were much healthier for it. And meat was not an every day occurrence. Let alone every meal.

And I'm aware that I'm guilty of this too, eating becomes a hobby. It's one of mine. You can tell.

I'm on a new campaign. For a while, everyone in my house can have cereal (things like Cheerios or Frosted Mini-Wheats or something else with some kind of food value) or oatmeal and toast. And they can like it. None of this waffles covered in syrup (which isn't even real syrup by the way, its main ingredient is High Fructose Corn Syrup) and expecting me to cook a big breakfast. That should be a once a week thing. Saturdays maybe. When daddy is here to help and enjoy it. And lunch will be sandwiches-without the whine. We have a variety: peanut butter and jelly, ham or turkey. And if they really want to change it up, they can switch out miracle whip for their mustard. Oh, and tuna occasionally. And soup or chips with the least ingredients (Fritos only have a few ingredients in them-and I can pronounce them all). Oh, and fruit. Definitely fruit. Apples. Oranges. Bananas. Regular fruit.

What do you do for meals in your house? And snacks? How do you eat to live, rather than living to eat?

Excuses

2010-10-26T22:49:00.002-05:00

I can come up with some pretty good excuses for not exercising (as evidenced by my lack of forward movement in my weight loss journey). Most of them are true and real. But, let's be honest. We do what we really want to do. If exercise was a huge priority for me, I'd make a way.

::It's such a chore to try to secure breastes that are large enough to hold, say, a gallon of milk. and don't be mistaken. They must be secured before embarking upon jumping around the living room.

::The baby must be taken care of. I can ask Lindsay to do it. But, let's face it...she's only 10. She's a phenomenal 10 year old, but she is limited in how much she can handle.

::My allotted time for "myself" leaves me enough time to work out OR to shower and get ready for the day. So, I can either work on my figure and stink all day (and possibly be "mistaken" for a frumpy housewife) or I can get ready and keep this extra 30 pounds (and possibly be "mistaken" for an overweight trying not to look frumpy housewife). Not both.

::I get a headache when I exercise. I think I'm allergic to it. Really, I do. (However, if I drink a lot of water, that headache usually doesn't plague me. So, maybe I'm dehydrated, not allergic? Eh, allergic sounds better.)

::My dvd player's remote broke. It really did. And that stopped the whole thing for a few days. But then I figured out you can play dvds on your COMPUTER! So, I just have to face the opposite direction (back to the tv) to work out now.

::I messed up my knee. I don't know if I did it running or doing The Shred, but it hurts. And it kinda "locks up" on me (gets stiff) if I sit too long and then try to stand. This is a for real concern. So, I cannot run (the rare chance I get to run, I visualize "running away" sometimes) and I cannot do the Shred (very high impact) but you know what? I was loaned a very nice Elliptical! It works. And I can watch tv while I do it. So, there's one more excuse checked off my list.

So, you see...there is a solution for almost every excuse I can make. As far as the eating too much (junk) goes? I just like to eat. And not apples my friend. So, there you have it. There's the truth. When I get sick enough of being heavier than I should be....I'll do what it takes. Every minute of every day.

Baby Face!

2010-10-21T21:24:00.011-05:00

Whether he's crying, laughing, covered in oatmeal or anything in between...doesn't he have the most adorable face? We think so! His little snort snoot face is one of my favorites right now.

Oh, and I don't think I told you that he can walk now. He really can. And it's sooo stinkin' cute! And wanna know what made him finally just do it? I was holding a donut and he wanted it. I don't know if that's a fat mama joke or a fat kid joke. But, he walked for a donut. (He's really not that fat anymore by the way. He lost a pound while he was sick and hasn't gained it back, but of course he's grown in length). I didn't take a picture of the walking. I was proud of myself for that. Weird, huh? The reason I'm proud is because it meant I enjoyed the moment rather than running for my camera and trying to make him do "tricks" for a picture. He walked to me and I caught him in my arms and hugged him so tight!!!! (6-7 steps by the way! and it was last Sunday-October 17th, 2010 He was exactly 10 1/2 months!)

There are so many things I could say about these pictures. I could call it the perfect date (I mean come on. He can't say anything stupid or insulting. He is ripped. She gets to drive the cute car and he can't tell her how to do it. He would never leave the seat up on the toilet like my toilet in the background...You get it? The other thing I could say is...my child doesn't notice or care that her Ken doll (actually that was my Ken doll-and was given to my daughters in perfect condition *scowls*) is headless and naked. She is happy to play with him that way. :)

About a month ago some really nice people at church offered us this dollhouse
-the Loving Family doll house. Their girls had outgrown it and they wanted a good home for it. (I guess they haven't been to my home so they can plead ignorance on the "good home" thing.) They said we could give it to her now or save it back for Christmas...it was up to us. Well, I could NOT see saving back something someone had given us (that was used) and giving Santa the credit for it. I just couldn't. In hindsight? I so can see it. I immediately knew I had made a mistake on this one. When I brought it into the house, Haley asked if Santa had brought it. Duh! Even in September with nary a Christmas tree in sight...the child thought this really cool dollhouse was from Santa. If I had saved it (and all of the really neat stuff that came with it-bicycles, pop-up camper, furniture, people....) Christmas for Haley would've been done. I had planned on getting her the newer version of it for Christmas anyway, so what's the diff? (For the record, this version is better because: A. It was free B. It has way more stuff with it than I could have ever afforded even if it were available, which I don't know that it is C. It doesn't make noises and lights-ergo it doesn't need BATTERIES. I detest toys that need batteries. They never get replaced in our house. So, there.

Three and a half years ago my kitchen was redone. Not completely, but on a shoe-string budget. My dad was able to really do a lot for the look of the kitchen with minimal out of pocket expense to us. I didn't change my light fixture over the table-it's nothing horrible, just builder's grade...gold and glass...something you'd see in an apartment. But I didn't find anything that really suited me enough to spend the money on it (especially when we plan on redoing the kitchen relatively soon anyway-for real redoing it. All the way!) And I didn't do anything about my window treatments. I finally, after looking and not finding any valances that suited me for all 3 1/2 years (well, okay, I looked while I wasn't homeschooling, gestating or giving birth) I bought some fabric and made a little valance. I really didn't make it "right" so don't look too close if you come to my house, but I think it looks perfectly cute. And it makes a huge difference from what it looked like all blank. It looks so much homier (not homlier...that would be totally different) now! And I'm so glad I did it. It was supposed to be a non pleated valance. Just plain. But to me (and Lindsay agreed) it looked like part of a sheet hanging in the window that way. So, I added a couple of gathers and 2 buttons I got on clearance:

And I've found that these plants fare the best in my pretty little flower pots in my kitchen window sill (ie I can't kill them):

My kids made the flowers/crafts. I do have a third pot but it's recovering from the moldy, ant infested plant that was in it. It will also receive a nice tissue paper (or other crafty) plant when it's better.

Our School Project

2010-10-14T16:55:00.004-05:00

(Check out my little body of water...kind of a bath thing like I imagine-although I'm quite sure theirs was more sophisticated! I was pretty proud of my version)

Ok, like always, I think I had a different picture in my head about how this was going to look, and when it was going to be finished...and how much of it I would do and how much the kids would do. And I think most of those things didn't go together. But, we built the city of Pompeii. You know, the one buried by Mount Vesuvius in A.D. 79? I didn't know that. No kidding. I really never knew that Mount Vesuvius was a volcanic mountain in Pompeii, Italy and that Pompeii and all of it's people and animals and buildings were buried for over 1,000 years under ash filled with poisonous gas when the volcano erupted (plinian eruption by the way). I've heard of Mount Vesuvius of course. It's the one that people compare huge zits to. Seriously. That's what I knew of Mt Vesuvius. That it was a huge (eruptive) volcano. Nothing else.
The day of the eruption, August 24, 79, people were bustling about as normal. Animals were grazing on the sides of the lush mountain. People were going about their daily lives. Taking care of their kids, working, going to the market, doing all that they normally do! Can you even imagine? It must have seemed like another earthquake (things rattling, rumbling) and there was a red cloud, like a mushroom, over the city and debris began falling. But, there wasn't really time to get out....the city was buried as the cloud plummeted to the ground. Anyone who survived the initial burial, would have instantly been killed by the intense, scorching heat and poisonous ash.
And did you know you could go there today? Of course you would have to have a lot of money to do that. And be okay with the thought of it erupting AGAIN! ;)
Here is our little version of Pompeii. I'm going to see if I can talk the kids into covering it in ash from the barbecue pit! Think they will? I don't know. They didn't even want to make it a "functioning" volcano. Because they didn't want to have to throw it away. We'll see.

Here's just a sampling of what else has been going on in our homeschool:
Wednesday we went to the Museum of Science and History. Columbus Day is this month so we toured the replica of the Nina!!!

It's not very big! I would DEFINITELY not want to cross the Atlantic (or any other body of water larger than a small lake) on a vessel like this! The only "below deck" option was for cargo. So, any sleeping, eating, etc was done on the deck-under some boards, but totally on the deck. Wow. And eating. They got one hot meal per day-cooked in what looked to me like a dutch oven. (Didn't hear what they called it as I was playing "uh-oh" with Nathan. Where he drops something over and over and says uh oh and I pick it up. It's a fun game.) Anyways, if there were high winds or any bad conditions, the hot meal was canceled because of the danger of the fire getting out of control. It was very interesting! Do you know where the term "knots" came from? (As in the speed of a ship traveling) They would let out a rope with knots tied in it at intervals. They would let that out somehow and measure it that way (honestly, the exact method escapes me. Prob'ly because I was playing "uh oh" again). And fathoms...they showed us the tool used to measure fathoms! Such a neat experience. :) And then the kids played in the exploring area of the museum-just for kids.

Dog Days

2010-10-12T22:12:00.003-05:00

Did you ever have one of those days? One of those days when you feel like a dog chasing it's tail? Today was one of those days-or maybe it's been this year. The whole year has been spent chasing my tail. And it feels as stupid as it looks. I'm tired of running, running, running and never getting anywhere. I love my life as mommy and wife and all that, but I'd like to feel accomplished at the end of the day. Part of me knows all the sayings about reaping the rewards in 18 years or whatever, but I need some kind of paycheck now. Something that says I'm doing something that matters. That I'm not just wearing myself out and looking stupid for no reason.

It would be one thing if any one thing actually got accomplished in a day's time. But, our school work is not done (thinking we'll have to forego our first week-long break of the year at the end of October-I had it all planned out. What happened?), the house is a disaster. Every time I enter one of the bathrooms I think "As soon as I get {such and such} done or {so and so} settled I'm going to clean this bathroom." Well, it's been longer than I care to admit now. It's not done.

Where does all this tiny little stuff come from? All the stuff that litters the floor day after day? The stuff that the kids obviously don't care about-or it would be picked up, right? And even my husband seems content to just step over the stuff. To walk around it. Am I the only one bothered by it? I'm thinking so. If I don't do it, it don't get done! I walk through my house and think I'll surely find one room that has some semblance of order. Not one room is the way it's "supposed" to be. There are mommy-dos in every room. Waiting on me. And if you're wondering why I'm not doing it right now instead of complaining about it...I'll tell you. It's because all 4 of my cherubs are sleeping. And I'm not doing ANYthing that might wake them up.

And one would think that I'd be losing weight with all that tail chasing going on...

Well, it's late. I think I'll go turn around 3 or 4 times and lay down in my bed.