Simplicity. It seems so simple. And yet, looking around my house I think that mess and "more than you need"  must be simpler. But not really.
I must get this under control. We have a small house (just over 1,000 square feet for 6 people) and way too much stuff. There is barely enough room for us amidst all our "stuff". I don't know that a bigger house would make it that much better though because we have a tendency to collect-and hold onto-junk. It's kind of like those animals/fish that grow to fit the size of their environment. If you are not careful you will have a bigger house just as cluttered as you did the smaller one. I love the William Morris project philosophy! Love it. I can imagine my house with clean lines and no clutter...I just can't seem to get past imagining it. I try to do one room at a time and before I can finish the second room or space the first one looks awful again. There is so much in my home that I don't know to be useful OR believe to be beautiful.
Also, it always seems that these things cost money. And when you're tight on that....sometimes even the littlest thing will set you back (say a $900 trip to the dentist for mama? That's "little" right? Let me tell you, if I was going to break the "no charging anything. ever. on the credit card" rule it would not have been for a crown for my tooth. It would be for something much more funner (yes, that was intentional horrible grammar) like a house project. I have so much I want to try. So much that I want to get rid of and replace with simpler things. Things that are kinder to my eyes. More traditional. Buying for your home is such a learning curve thing-at least it has been for me. We have so many things that we thought we would love...and we don't. They either don't function the way we thought they would or they don't look as beautiful as we thought they would. Or both.
 
    ::we do NOT like swivel chairs. Not.
    ::cheap(er)  appliances are just that.
    ::don't buy something just because it's a good deal. buy it because you wanted it in the first place.
    ::go with classic, simple colors. especially if you can't afford to redecorate/replace every 6 months.
    ::books. they can be borrowed from the library. don't buy them. (well, ok, the rare one is ok)
    ::think ahead. how will you feel about it in 5 months? will it hold up/clean up well?
    ::toys. kids don't really play with them so much as hoard them. then it's hard to clean out!
    ::if you have something in mind, don't settle. keep looking.
    ::bunk beds stink. any bed where a kid (like a big kid) can't straighten their own bed? stinks.
    ::

I really want my house home to feel less chaotic. I know, some would think that is laughable since I have 4 children-2 of which are pretty young. I think the first step is to start creating a space that feels less cluttered and chaotic so that's my goal. We have a renovation to finish in the living room, some beds to build for the girls' room:





I love these beds. And see all that storage underneath? Wow. I. Want. That. That means less furniture (dresser) in the room.
And a major cleanout. Of every room. Including the school room. And the bookshelves in the school room. Ruthlessness is needed.
Oh, and I have a dining room table/chairs/bench that look very cluttery. When you look into my eating area of the kitchen you see so many legs (chair legs that is). I think that this:

would suit us so well. See how clean the lines are without losing space and seating?

On Modesty and Femininity

I truly believe we are supposed to cover certain parts of our bodies. That those certain parts are not meant for general viewing by the public. I didn't always have the same convictions over it. And I still sometimes think an outfit that isn't the most modest (for my girls) looks cute. I also worry that if I'm too strict they will rebel when they're older. And that I'll make them seem "weird" and different.

But the fact is, they shouldn't walk around wearing nothing. Even if that does make them weird or different. Maybe we should all be a little weird and different.

When I see a little girl (by the way, I'm old enough now that that includes anyone 20 or under) walking around with parts hanging out I feel so sad. Like is anyone explaining to them that some things are valuable enough to keep out of the sight of the public? That if they show those parts no one is going to see their true value. That the wrong kind of person and attention will come their way. Do you want your daughter to find a mate who cares about her breasts or her heart? Her legs or her mind? Her behind or her personality? There is nothing wrong with being cute. You can be cute and stylish without being a "hoochie mama".

If you want respect, respect yourself. The bait you use is an indicator of the "catch" you will bring home.

Thankfully, I have girls who prefer modest clothing so I haven't had to have any arguments (yet-they are only 5 and 12) in regards to them walking around "half nekkid". And both of them prefer dresses or skirts. Which I'm fine with as long as the activity we are doing is appropriate for that. But, I will tell you, if it comes down to a fight...I'm up for it!

When you dress modestly and require your daughters to do the same, you are also demonstrating respect for those around you. Our young boys (again, anyone under 20 counts in this category) are so affected by what they see. It's sad when we as girls/women put that temptation out there....

And I promise you, if you see a naked little girl with her thong underwear showing out of the top of her lower than low-rise shorter than short shorts at the mall....IT'S NOT MY DAUGHTER.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

We have been doing some fun stuff around here! I'm so excited about this:

I finally did it! I kept talking about it but it was the first summer I wasn't pregnant or with a little one and too overwhelmed to start it. I planted a garden! I sure hope we get *something* out of it! I'm not asking for a bumper crop, just something. I'd be happy with a tomato or two and a couple of carrots at this point. Although, they would be the most expensive two tomatoes ever.

We used cedar to create our boxes because from what I read it's the most durable without being treated. And since treated wood has arsenic in it (so I've heard) I decided to pay a little more and go with a choice that wouldn't leave us poisoned from our healthy garden food. :)  The boxes (there are 2) are 5x3x6 (the 6 is the "deep"-I wanted 8" boards but apparently they are not to be found!? They contain: cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, banana pepper and an experimental bell pepper (ie I was eating one and said, hmmm seeds. Wonder what will happen if I shove them in my garden!? So I did! So far nothing has happened to that...) I also need to give credit where credit is due. Jared who just turned 10 (actually he turned 10 after we did this!) did the majority of the work on my boxes. He measured, marked, cut, screwed them together!!!!! As he gets older I find that it's harder to find common ground with him (I care nothing about guns, knives, etc) but this was a nice project that we did together. He used a circular saw while I stood there with my hands on my cheeks saying "don't cut your hand off". That was my contribution to the power tool experience. Thankfully, he's a good boy and he listened to his mama. ;)

I have watered this little labor of love nearly every morning and worried a LOT when we had a rare rain and it was....get this....12" in one day. It appears to not have harmed my garden...wanna see?

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

How do you even start off a post like this? I don't know. I am quite sure that anything I write will fall short of doing this justice...
 I heard a few days ago about a girl I went to school with (I didn't really know her so this is not about personal grief, not looking for sympathy...her family is the one in need of that) who, during a seizure, while out with her family for a meal, choked on food she was eating. And aspirated it. And after a week, the doctors have done all they could. Her husband had to choose to let her go. My heart breaks for him. For their children. For their 3 beautiful children.
How does a daddy put his kids to bed for the first night that their mommy, and his wife, his partner, is gone? How does that daddy wake those kids up the next morning? To eat breakfast? To get dressed? To go through their first day without their mommy on this earth? And How does he carry on with all the things that must be done? Some of which he probably didn't even know have to be done because his wife did them. How do you plan the funeral of someone who you thought would be here for another 50 years? How? And to face watching those children grow up without the person you created them with by your side? I don't know.
How do three young children say goodbye to their mommy? How do they look out in the stands during their little pee-wee football games and other events and know that a mommy that used to be there is not? Not because she doesn't want to be, not because she cannot be bothered to but because she can't?
I don't know exactly how old her children are but from the pictures I've seen on facebook, they appear to range from about 2 or 3 to 8 or 9. I have children in that age range and I cannot imagine them saying goodbye to me. I cannot imagine not being at my son's baseball game tomorrow. Or my daughters' soccer games next season. Or my oldest daughter's play in a couple of weeks. It's unfathomable. And what about her baby? What about the baby? My little guy still wants me so often. He just needs to come lay his head on me and suck his thumb for a minute. I think to ground himself. To know. Her baby can't do that. Any. More.  From how old he looks, she will NEVER get to see him play his sport of choice. Never! That's a long time. She will not get to lead her daughter down the treacherous path of adolescence. Help her choose a wedding dress. Hold her first grandchild. Ever!
In all of this I have to think: how did I do today? Did I touch my children enough to last them a lifetime? Just in case.... Because I'm sure Mandi didn't think that she was eating her last family meal with her 4 loves. Did I tell them I loved them? Did I speak harshly instead of with tenderness? What would they remember? Would they remember that I was always in such a hurry that I didn't have time to listen well enough? That I was cranky too often? That I was all about doing and not enough about just being?
And so my prayer is this: Please God, help me to be a better mommy. A better wife. Help me to listen more and scold less. Help me to be kinder, gentler, more loving, less selfish, less critical, softer, more fun, happier and more patient. Help me never to take one moment of life with my children for granted. Because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Or even another minute. Please help me to remember that. If this were my last day on earth did I do it well enough? Only You know the days and hours that remain in each of our lives...only You know how it will play out...God, help me to love my children every day. Love them enough to get them through whatever they have to face. Even if I'm not here. Help me to say the kinds of things that will help them long after I'm gone. Whether that is 5 minutes from now or 50 years from now. Give me Your strength to be the mommy You would have me to be.

If tomorrow never comes
would [they] know how much I loved [them]?
Did I try in every way?
To show [them] every day...?
If my time on earth were through...
and [they] must face the world without me....
is the love I gave [them] in the past, gonna be enough to last....
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES.

Rest in Peace Mandi. And may God be with your family and make the love you gave them be enough to last....

So Behind!

I am so behind. On everything in my life. And it seems as if God is okay with that. As if maybe he wants me to slow down. I have to make a statement before I continue: I love my life. There was a time when I wondered if I would ever have children. I never would have imagined 4 beautiful, healthy children would be mine. So, this is not complaining in any way-in case it takes on the tone that makes you wonder....It's not. My life is grand.

But:
:: my house is a mess.
:: my hair has not been cut/trimmed/anything since December and
:: my high-lights...I can't remember when they were done. Let's just say that if I get my hair trimmed...they will be gone.
:: my toe nails are chipped (ha! ok a little more than chipped).
:: my van has not been washed in over a year I think (I vacuum it in case you're wondering, just not been washed).
:: my blog...yeah, if anyone is still here reading it's a miracle since I never find time to write anything coherent any more.

There are more projects than I can shake a stick at at this point and all of them seem to need more than I can give. Ie: knowhow! Each project seems simple until I hit a road block.
:: my garden needs a trellis for my cute little cucumber plants to climb on.
:: my front yard needs some major tlc. I mow it. I dream of landscaping.
:: we have a new bunny that will soon need a hutch. It has to be built.
:: my living room is in shambles. I decided to remove the paneling before our new furniture arrived. Behind it (much to my dismay) was all sorts of wallpaper in various shades of coming off. And funky texturing. I now see why they paneled it. And I wish I had left well enough alone. Oh, and guess what? The furniture is here. Waiting at the warehouse. For over a week now. I'm sure it's beautiful. In the warehouse.

Part of my problem is that my parents are mia. We had a family issue come up that they needed to be in Florida for. At the drop of a hat. They've now been gone about 2 weeks. With no end in sight. Sigh....It's not their choice either. It's very hard on everyone-least of all me probably. I actually can't even go get said furniture because I need a....TRUCK!

In the midst of all this going on (a lot of it my doing by the way--starting too many things at once) I keep having the weirdest things happening. Ok, some of them aren't weird, but the weirdness of the one that is weird is enough for all of it. I hurt my back while working out. The day my back was better I was pulling nails in my living room (remember that project?) and hit my eye with a hammer. Yes. That's the weird one. The claw slipped off of the nail and the handle or the hammering part (not sure which) slammed into my eyeball. It hurt. I had to go to the ophthalmologist! I don't recommend doing that-the hammer part, the ophthalmologist was fine although expensive. Thankfully all is well. It took a very short time for it to heal and the bruising was minimal. Then I hurt my back again (see why I think God wants me to slow down??). Not that he's striking me with these things, just allowing me some down time...whether I want it or not. So, when I get things in order...and figure out how to manage my time I plan to come back here and start writing. I miss it.