Already?

Lately it's been really hitting home that my kids are just plain growing up on me. I didn't okay it. And I'm not really okay with it on most levels. Sure there are good things-like increased independence (any mom who hears "I'm DOOOOONNNNNNNEEEE" coming from the bathroom knows what I'm talking about) and kids that can help out are great!

But what about kids that have their own opinions about everything?
And kids that want to hang out with their friends more than they  want to hang out with their family?
I know it's appropriate and normal but that doesn't mean I have to like it, right? I have an almost 13 year old. She will be 13 in April (only 2  months after my 5 year old will be 6!) This is just all way too fast. I was going through some pictures to make room for more on my blog and some of the baby pictures I came across....

This is the reason we are taking a whole season off from sports. It's a really tough call to make because watching your kids play the sports they like and are good at...it's really cool! But, spending their entire childhood yelling at everyone to "hurry up" because "we're late" again....doesn't really appeal to me. I'd like to remember something else-and more importantly I'd like for them to remember something else. Dinners with family. Walks. Game night. All the things we used to do before we got so involved in sports that we didn't have time.

I'm not knocking sports. Not at all. But, we just need a break from the constant running. What are the odds that my kids will play sports beyond their teenage years? Probably..ZERO. What are the odds they will need to know how to be a good family member? Almost guaranteed! So, that's why. The time is flying by and we want to spend some of it just being a family.

Just Say No!

Do you remember when you were a kid and you felt like your parents lived to tell you no!? I sure do. I think I thought they derived some kind of perverse pleasure from denying me what I wanted (to have or to do). Now that I'm a mom of 4 I realize that it is not the funnest (yeah, I know. Not really a word but it fits) part of my job to tell my kids no. I don't enjoy it at all.

And since my parents were not mean spirited (well, they aren't, not past tense since they're still living) I doubt they enjoyed it any more than I do.

Who loves seeing the look of disappointment on their child's face when they can't do something or have something they long for?

I hate saying "no" to my kids. I hate disciplining my kids. I hate telling them that something they did wasn't "good enough". I mean, I don't say it like that but that's what I feel like they are thinking when I correct them on a chore or schoolwork. I feel like I'm giving them the message that their efforts aren't cutting it. And that's not the message I want to send. I want them to be confident and know that their mom said "yes" to everything I could! And that I"m proud of their effort when they give something their all. 

Well, I had a really cute picture but I am out of storage on google.com or whatever. I have to figure this out...... :(

Baby-hood Over

My baby is turning 3. I know, he's still little but for some reason that's the age that babyness is over in my mind. The diapers are (long) gone, nursing is (longer) over, He has been speaking in complete sentences and using big words for quite a while now (and slowly but surely the baby words are disappearing). One of the last vestiges of babyhood in our house is the crib. And it just seems that when he turns 3 he should not be in a crib anymore. I don't know why, it just feels wrong.

But yesterday when I went into the boys' room to start "packing it out" to paint it and put the new carpet in...at which time we will take the crib down...I just couldn't face it. My stomach felt sick and it just made me want to go to my own bed. So, the room is even worse off than it was (also looked at his newborn clothes-sniff sniff) and I still have to face it! I might just go today and buy a stinkin' mattress. Get this over with. Donate the crib to someone who really needs one...that might make me feel better about it (my mom's idea). Move on. I normally love redoing my kids' rooms. It needs paint. It needs carpet. I will focus on that! Pics to follow! :)

Toys!

I have such a love/hate relationship with toys. I find these toys that I think my kids will LOVE! And so I buy them. Only at Christmas and birthdays for the most part but I'll admit they have more than they need...not as many as some kids for sure, but more than they need.


The other night we were at my mom's house and she has a little basket of select toys she keeps. Nathan was enthralled with those toys and busy the whole time we were there. Way moreso than he is at our house with a bazillion toys! At our house, he gets into everyone's stuff (nail polish on the carpet anyone?) and just kind of throws the toys everywhere. So, I have an idea. I think we will get rid of toys-ruthlessly! And then take some toys and put them in the garage so we can rotate them. So that they are new every few months or year or however it works out. I know, it's not like that is some revolutionary idea...it's been done before. In fact, I read about it in a magazine I'm sure. But doing it in my own home is revolutionary to me!


The same with Haley's toys. We Santa got her a Barbie Dream Townhouse last Christmas. I He really thought it was the perfect thing! I mean, come on, what little girl would not want a Barbie Dream Townhouse? Complete with working elevator and a rooftop garden tub, etc! Ummm, DREAM house? Wanna know how many times she played with it? Probably about 5. It's been almost a year Sure glad it was Santa and not me that paid for that one. *shaking my head*

I am about to redo my kids' rooms because I love to do that and haven't for almost 4 years! But! I'm going to do some serious purging and organizing. I will attempt to take pictures-before and afters, etc for blogging purposes but we will see if I remember.

I'm so ready for a purge of our house! The one thing that really needs to go due to space that I'm not thrilled about getting rid of is the crib. *sniff sniff* The last vestige of babyhood in this house....

Weighed Down

I have this problem. I go back and forth between how I want to be thin and how much I love food. I am a foodie. Truly, madly, deeply love food. I love texture, taste, experience and especially texture (oh, did I already say that?).
Cereal, cake, steak, salad, pasta.....I love it! And Mexican food? I'll knock you over to get to it! (Ok, not really but you know what I mean)
But! After Haley was born I dropped my weight like *that* (snaps fingers). I was 12 pounds under my pre pregnancy weight when she was like 11 months old-and I had done NOTHING (other than nurse her around the clock because it lessened the crying in our house) to lose it. No killer workouts with Jillian Michaels. No crazy "diets". Just nursing and eating what I wanted.
Then! I had to start taking Zoloft (typically when I wind down on nursing some-when the baby starts to eat anything other than breast milk) I begin to experience some post partum depression. The only thing I can figure is the feel-good hormones of nursing delay it for me!? So, when she was around 10 months old or so I started feeling it. Depression. Rearing it's ugly head and changing who I am. Ick.
So, I started taking Zoloft (one of the only anti depressants you can take while breastfeeding). And I started gaining weight. By the time I got pregnant with Nathan I was back up about 30 pounds. That was just about a year later! Because I didn't plan to get pregnant again I was kind of lackadaisical about my weight gain. Kind of a "eh, I'll lose it tomorrow" thing. So, a few days before I found out I was pregnant I ordered some workout dvds (new ones) and got ready to start losing again (I was off Zoloft at this point and on something a little less fat-friendly).
But, then I got my bfp (that stands for "big fat positive") on a hpt (that stands for "home pregnancy test"). And I put that aside to work at a healthy baby. (Those dvds came the day after the bfp on the hpt).
Fast forward another 2 1/2-almost 3!-years after Nathan's birth....that pregnancy did something big and fat to my figure but nothing positive. So, there I was....way overweight from anything I've ever been before. And fighting to lose it.
It has taken me a year to lose 21 pounds. I could totally do it faster. Except I LOVE food. And I LOVE eating out.
I fight with myself daily about this. The good thing? Because I'm doing it with some, ahem, good eats involved in it....I won't gain it back because this is sustainable! I know, for me, low carb or anything extremely restrictive is not sustainable. It just makes me angry to have a list of foods I "can't" have.

By the way, I will work out with the best of them. I don't really mind that part of it all...if you could lose all the weight that way I'd be a toothpick!

So, the battle wages on. Apple and salad with no dressing or spaghetti and a salad with dressing and a piece of bread!? Hmm. No contest.

Cousins

Due to some unforeseen circumstances we had some unexpected cousin time this summer! Because my brother's children live so far away we rarely get to see them :( I wish their visit would've been longer this summer but, we'll take what we can get!

                                           puttin out fires!

                                          nathan is not too sure about joining in those reindeer games.

                                          water play! pretending to put a fire out.

                                          josh and my dad horsing around...

                                          alex kickin' back

                                          chase and nathan

                                          chase on the left and alex on the right

                                          josh really loved playing with haley! they're only about 3 months apart

                                           a genuinely happy josh!

                                         

                                          chase (closest) and alex

                                          alex

                                         chase

We all miss those little guys more than you can imagine. :( I hope we can see them again soon! But I am thankful for the time to love and cuddle them when I had it....