But once you start painting. When all of the sellers “stuff” is out. When every little lump and bump and crooked corner is highlighted in its nakedness...I started to get a little sad or maybe frustrated. Every wall has a story of something someone else did over the last 100 years. These old plaster walls tell a story. A story of how the previous owners did or didn’t know what they were doing.
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| This wall is where it is the most obvious. We repaired (with spackling) the worst of it but decided to leave it perfectly imperfect. It’s also still half painted. |
And it hit me. This is life. (I’ve spent hours and hours painting so I’ve had a LOT of time to think!)
The last five years have been probably the hardest in our marriage. No marriage is without conflict and a little strife but I always felt like we came as close as anyone to having a happy, fairly easy marriage. So, now we have some bumps. Some scars. From our own conflict as well as external factors. We are like those walls. We don’t look all smooth and straight like we might have 10 years ago (I don’t know if we did or not, but in my memory we were pretty stinking happy! I know memories sometimes delete the day to day trials and you tend to remember only the good) but I hope that we are stronger. I keep wanting us to be who we were 6-7 years ago. But I’m coming to realize we can’t. And imperfect is ok. (That’s really hard for a perfectionist to say!) I didn’t want bumps and lumps and proof that we didn’t know what we were doing to be part of our story. But here it is. And like this beautifully, imperfect house that we are making into our home, we need to care for it. We need some patching up and some paint. We need some extra time together. Time spent just on each other. Sometimes, with 3 kids still at home, that isn’t easy because they need us too! But it needs to be a priority. One thing we are doing is going away this weekend. Just the 2 of us. No kids, no paint, no brushes, no rollers. Just us. With the lumps. The cracks that have been mended. With the quirks and creaks. Hopefully we will discover new things about each other just like we are as we explore our home!
What do you do to keep your marriage alive and well? Or what do tounwish you had done?
Now, back to painting.
3 comments:
Really good writing, Cara. Bruce and I have an unconventional relationship in a way, due to his hearing impairment. Communication is a struggle and a lot of times we default to silence. In some strange way it works for us though. Maybe we have adapted like people do with disabilities. We kind of do our own thing and neither of us is high maintenance, relationship wise. So I guess I don’t have any good advice. Lol. This works for us. We do go on short trips together a few times a year and really enjoy those times.
Hmmm. I replied to this. Wonder where it went?
Thanks for commenting! I guess that would make communication difficult. I hadn’t really thought of that. I assumed it was just cool that y’all could watch your own tv shows! ;)
I think every relationship/marriage is and should be unique. I didn’t use to think I was high maintenance but I’ve felt a little high maintenance in the recent past! I guess anyone can be a little high maintenance when things are hard?
Wow. I love how transparent you are. I believe people will respect what you have to say because you are admitting that your marriage isn't perfect. Who does have the perfect marriage anyway? I haven't been in a relationship in ages because I'm afraid of the unknown.
I hope all gets better for you. <3
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