Trusting....

I had to practice a lot of trust this weekend. First off, I left my family behind and went with the ladies of my church to ladies' retreat. This was my first year to do this (and the first time my hubby has been left with all 4 kids for more than a few hours!) because every other year I've been nursing a baby or once I was pregnant and it was on Haley's birthday. This year, my body was free to go. It's very hard for me to trust that everything will get done without me here to control it all. But I did it.
Retreat was a blast! It's like church camp for grown-ups-without the cliques and boy drama!-and I never wanted to quit going to church camp in the first place. They just wouldn't let me go once I was too old.
We had lots of worship time and time getting to know the other ladies better. We were put into teams and made up songs and chants and flags and all kinds of fun stuff that made us all feel young again.
My next turn at practicing trust came when we went to do the low ropes course. I had reluctantly signed up for the High Ropes course also. One of those deals where you really want to be able to say you've done it but you're terrified to actually do it! ("It" included a zip line as well as a tall rock wall, etc! The zipline was the thing I was most terrified of.) Darn the luck...there weren't enough sign up for it (in other words too many of the ladies in our group were sane!) so they had to cut that out of our weekend. Shoot. ;)  We did several activities that were challenging but rather tame (one of our team members was pregnant if that tells you anything) mostly balance and strategy. Then....then came the "trust fall". When you are a control freak you have trouble with this kind of talk, let alone action.
Trust fall=climbing up onto a platform around 4 1/2-5 feet off of the ground and backing up to the edge of it. Behind you is open space in which 6 of your friends stand with their arms out. Three on either side (spread out to about the length of your body). Their arms are not clasped in any way. Just sticking out there. And you have to clasp your arms in front of you so you don't flail and fall straight back. Without bending your knees or trying to save yourself in any way. You are trusting that your friends can and will catch you. T.E.R.R.O.R. Abject terror. I almost passed out after they caught me and then I had to try to stand up...I could not do it for a few minutes. But I did it!!!!! Only about 4-5 women did it. And I was one of them! :)
I made it back all in one piece and my family was in one piece....so it all worked out. Next year will be just as fun! And if I can do the "trust fall" I can do the zip line, right?

Letting Go

As a mother there are so many things you have to let go of.  At least if you want to stay semi-sane.
:: Your figure.
:: Hot meals.
:: Any semblance of a hairstyle.
:: Perfection.
:: Time with your husband.

And yet there are so many things you get to hold on to.
:: A new figure. One that is softer for those babies.
:: Great dinner conversation.
:: An excuse to wear a pony tail perpetually. And a pink visor that says "mom" in zebra print!
:: Perfection. If you've ever looked at your child...you know what perfection is.
:: A new bond with your husband as you watch those little critters you created together.And maybe a stolen moment here and there...

Funny, that's not at all where this post was going. I think it started because my 2 year old was running around in the (semi-muddy) back yard in his sock feet. Socks are huge for me. I like them clean. To me it's like a testament of whether or not I'm doing my job. I don't look at other kids' socks and if they're gray think "Wow. That mom stinks." But it's kind of a barometer for me....so to have socks that are insanely dirty and I know they will never come clean is...difficult. But, I'm letting go. Because it's one of those things that doesn't really matter in the scheme of life. And maybe, just maybe, it's not worth ruining a fun time playing outside.

Food

Let me just say that I didn't choose this journey. And I don't even like it. But sometimes things that you don't choose or like are necessary. I have children (mainly my girls) that are allergic to "stuff". I say stuff because I have yet to figure out what. Ever since weaning them from breastmilk, my girls have been plagued with all sorts of allergy symptoms. Lindsay with eczema, sinus issues and now psoriasis. Haley with mainly eczema with sleep and behavior possibly linked to the allergies also.

I had Lindsay tested (poor girl, that was no fun. It was like 107 skin barbs that she was poked/scratched with. She just laid there taking it, but crying quietly.) and I was very dissatisfied. It is such an imperfect science. If I had known that I might not have gone through with it. The only thing we got out of it is that she's severely allergic to dust mites. We did the allergy shots for a while but I was not seeing much improvement-by a while I mean 2 years or so-and the clinic was always closed on the afternoons we could make the drive! Frustrating!

At the beginning of this year we dove in. As of January 2nd we went dairy free. Other than a few mistakes (learning curve) we did very well. For about 2 weeks now we've not been on track but that's changing again...it's just hard when you're out and with people all the time. Anyway, during that time I did see improvement in some of Lindsay's symptoms! No one else really (other than me, but I've always known I had issues with lactose at the very least) except maybe Nathan. For the first time I can remember, when he got a cold it didn't land us in the ER with croup. That was a nice change.

Now, because the psoriasis and eczema are not better--and for Lindsay the eczema has come back, when it was just psoriasis now--and might in fact be worse. We are moving on to removing wheat from our diet. Not gluten yet, just wheat. Just wheat. Ha. In thinking about this, I've started perusing the labels of some of our favorite things...and the terriyaki marinade we love...yep. Wheat. And what do we normally eat for lunch? Sandwiches. Or spaghetti. I know that there are alternative noodles for spaghetti but I think the tomato is causing things to flare up too. Not necessarily an allergy, just too much acid or something.

But when you look at your little girl and see this:
something has to change.
And if Lindsay would not be mortified I would take a picture of her psoriasis. But being that she is almost 12, that kind of thing embarrasses her.
So, here we go. I am gathering ideas for our new challenge. Tomorrow is grocery shopping (ie pay) day so I have to be ready to go. 

4-H

We joined a 4-H club last year but just kind of participated on the fringes of things. We didn't participate in any of the show stuff or anything like that. We didn't even go and see the competition. This year we ended up only entering 3 things between the two older kids. I tried to prepare them for not winning at all because there would be so many entries. And I told (especially Jared) them that just because they didn't win it didn't diminish their art/project. It was still good. No matter what it won or didn't win. Weeeellllll, they won! All 3 projects/pieces won....BLUE ribbons! I was so happy for them and proud. But the proudest moment of all was surely the look on Lindsay's face when she saw JARED had won a first place ribbon for his drawing. Not even knowing she had won ANYthing at this point. She later told me that before we left she had prayed that, even if she won't nothing, Jared would place with his drawing. He tends to be very unsure of himself and she knew he needed that to feel validated. I love that she was more concerned for him than for herself.

Lindsay's photograph also won the same kind of ribbon that Jared's artwork won. I don't have a photo of her photo though. :)

Sibling Love

Some days I think we won't make it through the day. The fighting. And it's this under cover kind of antagonistic thing. It's not outright "so-and-so hit me for no reason". Well, they do say that sometimes but there was usually some kind of provocation whether they realize admit it or not. Some of this is so foreign to me because my siblings are much younger than me (one 10 years and one 14 years) so I was kind of an only child. But I do know that at the end of the day, they love each other.

These pictures were taken right after a knock-down-drag-out-screaming fight between the two sweet faces you are looking at.

French Toast

1. French Bread (I buy mine at our grocery store-it is fresh baked and can be bought warm)
2. Slice--I slice as thin as possible which isn't very thin at all.
3. I mix egg and cinnamon sugar in a mixing bowl.
4. Dip each piece of bread into egg mixture.
5. Fry in oil (make sure the oil is very hot before you drop your bread in there or the bread will just absorb the oil-gross!)
6. Voila! A plate of yummy goodness!
7. We use syrup or confectioner's sugar to top it.
8. Enjoy!

I don't normally like french toast (probably partly because we use wheat bread for all other purposes and french toast loses something with wheat bread in my opinion. :) ) but this is so good! Also note that we don't eat this on a daily basis. ;)

Valentine's Day

I don't know where you fall in the Valentine's Day opinion spectrum. Do you love it? Hate it? Don't care two whits about it?
I'm kind of between "hate it" and "don't care two whits about it". I think it's an awful pressure-filled holiday that just gets a lot of men in trouble. Needlessly. I hate when I hear men saying "Oh, I'm going to be in trouble if I don't get her something for [enter any "romantic" occasion"]. Just because a guy doesn't rush out and buy you flowers or jewelry one day of the year does not mean he doesn't love you or think about you. Wanna know how I know this? I have a husband. The same one I've had for 17 1/2 years now. And he's not romantic. But he loves me.
1)he comes home every night
2)he calls me on his lunch hour
3)he listens when I need a friend
4)he values what I value
5)he cares when I hurt
6)he is spending his life with me
7)he loves our kids
8)he knows when I need a break-and encourages it usually
9)he tells me he loves me
10) works hard to provide for our family (so that I can stay home with the kids!)

Do I think flowers are pretty? Absolutely. Do I need them because the calendar says it's time to get flowers? Nope. Do I think cards are nice? Yes. Do I need one just because there is something on the calendar? Nope. I know, Hallmark probably hates people like us. We didn't even get cards for each other! In fact we often don't get cards for each other for our anniversary. I think those things are nice but only if the sentiment is there every day too. And right now, we honestly don't have the money to spend on cards and flowers. I'd rather he save the money and spend it on a date night. Later. When everyone and their grandma is not at the restaurant. Not because the calendar says it's time for a date but because he wants to take me out.