How Does Your Garden Grow?

We have been doing some fun stuff around here! I'm so excited about this:

I finally did it! I kept talking about it but it was the first summer I wasn't pregnant or with a little one and too overwhelmed to start it. I planted a garden! I sure hope we get *something* out of it! I'm not asking for a bumper crop, just something. I'd be happy with a tomato or two and a couple of carrots at this point. Although, they would be the most expensive two tomatoes ever.

We used cedar to create our boxes because from what I read it's the most durable without being treated. And since treated wood has arsenic in it (so I've heard) I decided to pay a little more and go with a choice that wouldn't leave us poisoned from our healthy garden food. :)  The boxes (there are 2) are 5x3x6 (the 6 is the "deep"-I wanted 8" boards but apparently they are not to be found!? They contain: cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, banana pepper and an experimental bell pepper (ie I was eating one and said, hmmm seeds. Wonder what will happen if I shove them in my garden!? So I did! So far nothing has happened to that...) I also need to give credit where credit is due. Jared who just turned 10 (actually he turned 10 after we did this!) did the majority of the work on my boxes. He measured, marked, cut, screwed them together!!!!! As he gets older I find that it's harder to find common ground with him (I care nothing about guns, knives, etc) but this was a nice project that we did together. He used a circular saw while I stood there with my hands on my cheeks saying "don't cut your hand off". That was my contribution to the power tool experience. Thankfully, he's a good boy and he listened to his mama. ;)

I have watered this little labor of love nearly every morning and worried a LOT when we had a rare rain and it was....get this....12" in one day. It appears to not have harmed my garden...wanna see?

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

How do you even start off a post like this? I don't know. I am quite sure that anything I write will fall short of doing this justice...
 I heard a few days ago about a girl I went to school with (I didn't really know her so this is not about personal grief, not looking for sympathy...her family is the one in need of that) who, during a seizure, while out with her family for a meal, choked on food she was eating. And aspirated it. And after a week, the doctors have done all they could. Her husband had to choose to let her go. My heart breaks for him. For their children. For their 3 beautiful children.
How does a daddy put his kids to bed for the first night that their mommy, and his wife, his partner, is gone? How does that daddy wake those kids up the next morning? To eat breakfast? To get dressed? To go through their first day without their mommy on this earth? And How does he carry on with all the things that must be done? Some of which he probably didn't even know have to be done because his wife did them. How do you plan the funeral of someone who you thought would be here for another 50 years? How? And to face watching those children grow up without the person you created them with by your side? I don't know.
How do three young children say goodbye to their mommy? How do they look out in the stands during their little pee-wee football games and other events and know that a mommy that used to be there is not? Not because she doesn't want to be, not because she cannot be bothered to but because she can't?
I don't know exactly how old her children are but from the pictures I've seen on facebook, they appear to range from about 2 or 3 to 8 or 9. I have children in that age range and I cannot imagine them saying goodbye to me. I cannot imagine not being at my son's baseball game tomorrow. Or my daughters' soccer games next season. Or my oldest daughter's play in a couple of weeks. It's unfathomable. And what about her baby? What about the baby? My little guy still wants me so often. He just needs to come lay his head on me and suck his thumb for a minute. I think to ground himself. To know. Her baby can't do that. Any. More.  From how old he looks, she will NEVER get to see him play his sport of choice. Never! That's a long time. She will not get to lead her daughter down the treacherous path of adolescence. Help her choose a wedding dress. Hold her first grandchild. Ever!
In all of this I have to think: how did I do today? Did I touch my children enough to last them a lifetime? Just in case.... Because I'm sure Mandi didn't think that she was eating her last family meal with her 4 loves. Did I tell them I loved them? Did I speak harshly instead of with tenderness? What would they remember? Would they remember that I was always in such a hurry that I didn't have time to listen well enough? That I was cranky too often? That I was all about doing and not enough about just being?
And so my prayer is this: Please God, help me to be a better mommy. A better wife. Help me to listen more and scold less. Help me to be kinder, gentler, more loving, less selfish, less critical, softer, more fun, happier and more patient. Help me never to take one moment of life with my children for granted. Because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Or even another minute. Please help me to remember that. If this were my last day on earth did I do it well enough? Only You know the days and hours that remain in each of our lives...only You know how it will play out...God, help me to love my children every day. Love them enough to get them through whatever they have to face. Even if I'm not here. Help me to say the kinds of things that will help them long after I'm gone. Whether that is 5 minutes from now or 50 years from now. Give me Your strength to be the mommy You would have me to be.

If tomorrow never comes
would [they] know how much I loved [them]?
Did I try in every way?
To show [them] every day...?
If my time on earth were through...
and [they] must face the world without me....
is the love I gave [them] in the past, gonna be enough to last....
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES.

Rest in Peace Mandi. And may God be with your family and make the love you gave them be enough to last....

So Behind!

I am so behind. On everything in my life. And it seems as if God is okay with that. As if maybe he wants me to slow down. I have to make a statement before I continue: I love my life. There was a time when I wondered if I would ever have children. I never would have imagined 4 beautiful, healthy children would be mine. So, this is not complaining in any way-in case it takes on the tone that makes you wonder....It's not. My life is grand.

But:
:: my house is a mess.
:: my hair has not been cut/trimmed/anything since December and
:: my high-lights...I can't remember when they were done. Let's just say that if I get my hair trimmed...they will be gone.
:: my toe nails are chipped (ha! ok a little more than chipped).
:: my van has not been washed in over a year I think (I vacuum it in case you're wondering, just not been washed).
:: my blog...yeah, if anyone is still here reading it's a miracle since I never find time to write anything coherent any more.

There are more projects than I can shake a stick at at this point and all of them seem to need more than I can give. Ie: knowhow! Each project seems simple until I hit a road block.
:: my garden needs a trellis for my cute little cucumber plants to climb on.
:: my front yard needs some major tlc. I mow it. I dream of landscaping.
:: we have a new bunny that will soon need a hutch. It has to be built.
:: my living room is in shambles. I decided to remove the paneling before our new furniture arrived. Behind it (much to my dismay) was all sorts of wallpaper in various shades of coming off. And funky texturing. I now see why they paneled it. And I wish I had left well enough alone. Oh, and guess what? The furniture is here. Waiting at the warehouse. For over a week now. I'm sure it's beautiful. In the warehouse.

Part of my problem is that my parents are mia. We had a family issue come up that they needed to be in Florida for. At the drop of a hat. They've now been gone about 2 weeks. With no end in sight. Sigh....It's not their choice either. It's very hard on everyone-least of all me probably. I actually can't even go get said furniture because I need a....TRUCK!

In the midst of all this going on (a lot of it my doing by the way--starting too many things at once) I keep having the weirdest things happening. Ok, some of them aren't weird, but the weirdness of the one that is weird is enough for all of it. I hurt my back while working out. The day my back was better I was pulling nails in my living room (remember that project?) and hit my eye with a hammer. Yes. That's the weird one. The claw slipped off of the nail and the handle or the hammering part (not sure which) slammed into my eyeball. It hurt. I had to go to the ophthalmologist! I don't recommend doing that-the hammer part, the ophthalmologist was fine although expensive. Thankfully all is well. It took a very short time for it to heal and the bruising was minimal. Then I hurt my back again (see why I think God wants me to slow down??). Not that he's striking me with these things, just allowing me some down time...whether I want it or not. So, when I get things in order...and figure out how to manage my time I plan to come back here and start writing. I miss it.