Trusting....

I had to practice a lot of trust this weekend. First off, I left my family behind and went with the ladies of my church to ladies' retreat. This was my first year to do this (and the first time my hubby has been left with all 4 kids for more than a few hours!) because every other year I've been nursing a baby or once I was pregnant and it was on Haley's birthday. This year, my body was free to go. It's very hard for me to trust that everything will get done without me here to control it all. But I did it.
Retreat was a blast! It's like church camp for grown-ups-without the cliques and boy drama!-and I never wanted to quit going to church camp in the first place. They just wouldn't let me go once I was too old.
We had lots of worship time and time getting to know the other ladies better. We were put into teams and made up songs and chants and flags and all kinds of fun stuff that made us all feel young again.
My next turn at practicing trust came when we went to do the low ropes course. I had reluctantly signed up for the High Ropes course also. One of those deals where you really want to be able to say you've done it but you're terrified to actually do it! ("It" included a zip line as well as a tall rock wall, etc! The zipline was the thing I was most terrified of.) Darn the luck...there weren't enough sign up for it (in other words too many of the ladies in our group were sane!) so they had to cut that out of our weekend. Shoot. ;)  We did several activities that were challenging but rather tame (one of our team members was pregnant if that tells you anything) mostly balance and strategy. Then....then came the "trust fall". When you are a control freak you have trouble with this kind of talk, let alone action.
Trust fall=climbing up onto a platform around 4 1/2-5 feet off of the ground and backing up to the edge of it. Behind you is open space in which 6 of your friends stand with their arms out. Three on either side (spread out to about the length of your body). Their arms are not clasped in any way. Just sticking out there. And you have to clasp your arms in front of you so you don't flail and fall straight back. Without bending your knees or trying to save yourself in any way. You are trusting that your friends can and will catch you. T.E.R.R.O.R. Abject terror. I almost passed out after they caught me and then I had to try to stand up...I could not do it for a few minutes. But I did it!!!!! Only about 4-5 women did it. And I was one of them! :)
I made it back all in one piece and my family was in one piece....so it all worked out. Next year will be just as fun! And if I can do the "trust fall" I can do the zip line, right?

Letting Go

As a mother there are so many things you have to let go of.  At least if you want to stay semi-sane.
:: Your figure.
:: Hot meals.
:: Any semblance of a hairstyle.
:: Perfection.
:: Time with your husband.

And yet there are so many things you get to hold on to.
:: A new figure. One that is softer for those babies.
:: Great dinner conversation.
:: An excuse to wear a pony tail perpetually. And a pink visor that says "mom" in zebra print!
:: Perfection. If you've ever looked at your child...you know what perfection is.
:: A new bond with your husband as you watch those little critters you created together.And maybe a stolen moment here and there...

Funny, that's not at all where this post was going. I think it started because my 2 year old was running around in the (semi-muddy) back yard in his sock feet. Socks are huge for me. I like them clean. To me it's like a testament of whether or not I'm doing my job. I don't look at other kids' socks and if they're gray think "Wow. That mom stinks." But it's kind of a barometer for me....so to have socks that are insanely dirty and I know they will never come clean is...difficult. But, I'm letting go. Because it's one of those things that doesn't really matter in the scheme of life. And maybe, just maybe, it's not worth ruining a fun time playing outside.