So, I'm going to flat out admit it. I suffer from envy. Not necessarily in the way you might think (although I'm not ashamed to say I'd love to have a nicer, bigger house if the opportunity ever presents itself). I don't want my best friend's husband. What would I do with another husband anyway? I don't want their children. I have 4. That's enough thanks. I don't want lots of money. I know money doesn't buy happiness. But those things bring me to what I do want.
I look at other women (real life and blog world) and I want to be:
::Organized. Yep. I envy their organization. Their togetherness.
::Thin. Yes. I used to be. I know it's more funner. (yeah, I know. Not a word but who cares? I like it.)
::Patient. I want to see the fun and the blessings in the mundane and even in the hard times. Occasionally I do. But not enough.
::A good writer. Yes. I want to be witty. Funny. Inspiring.
::A better photographer. Not so I can make money. So I can take pictures that I'm proud of.
::Good at interior decorating. You'd have to see my house to realize just how much I'm not. Good at interior decorating.
::Good at exterior decorating. Again, you'd have to see my house-the outside of it-to know. Just how bad I am. I've lived in this house for 4 1/2 years. We own it. (Well, the part of it that the bank doesn't own) and the yard is a blank slate.
::Stylish. Nope. Not a thing for me I guess. I could say it's lack of funds to shop at the right places, etc, etc. But that would be an excuse. I could say it's because I"m not thin enough. That would be another excuse. There are plenty of women with less money and more...eh...fluff...than me. And they are stylish.
::Passionate. I feel sometimes like I'm just not passionate enough about any one thing. I guess kind of a "Jack of all trades. Master of none." Kind of thing. What is my passion? I homeschool. Is it a passion? I don't know really. I do it because my kids need me to and my God has led me to. I diet. Is it a passion? No. Or I wouldn't eat the garbage I eat too often. I exercise. No, not a passion either. A means to an end (see the 2nd thing I want to be-listed above). Godly. I think I am...sometimes...until I meet someone who is. Then I know I'm not. See what I'm talking about? I want these things, but I must not be passionate enough about them because otherwise I would make them happen. Right? Maybe this last one encompasses all of the above. If I had a passion for any one of these things I would find a way to make them happen. I'd organize the house and my schedule, lose the weight, take a class on writing, search, search search (the internet, stores, thrift stores...) until I found the deal of a lifetime on the style of a lifetime. For me and my house. But I don't do that stuff.
So, I guess I have the kind of envy that just might be the worst kind to have. I need to learn to be happy with who and what I am. I am me. God made me. My kids love me. And so does my husband. Yet...I still want to be all of those things.