Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Blessings and timing

Tonight I went to my Bible Study figuring if all I got out of it was a break (and a good snack) that'd be enough. Lo and behold I got more! The first half (discussion) I just sat there in a zombie sort of daze (really rough day) not participating at all. Then we watched the video and there were some things that the author (Beth Moore) said that just really were great.

She was telling the story of John the Baptists coming and how his parents were old and just never had had the blessing of having a child and how when his father (Zechariah) went to do his duty in the Holy of Holies (a great honor--once in a lifetime) he was met by the angel Gabriel who announced to him that he and his wife (Elizabeth) would have a baby...Well, Zechariah wasn't quite sure about this so he was struck dumb til after the baby's birth! Now, the author gave us quite the laugh at this point by saying how w/ no words to tell anyone what had happened people might have had some funny thoughts (when he came out of the tabernacle flapping his arms trying to say he saw an angel...and how Elizabeth must've thought he sure missed her ;) ) Anyways...I digress

Her point was to tell that when we feel like "How come everyone else has [fill in the blank--children, good marriage, great career] and I don't" It just might be that God has something great in mind for us. Rather than feeling picked on or left out we should think that just maybe we are so special that He has something SUPERnatural for us.

It reminded me of the cool timing of Lindsay's coming to us. I had spent years wanting a baby (4 1/2) and then lost the only one we had managed to conceive. I sure railed at God...truly thinking He must "hate" me to do that "to me"...After going through this anger at God (I never stopped believing in Him, just was sooo mad...) I finally surrendered to Him and I went to my pastor to talk to him about how I could get past this. This was on April 11, 1999. I made my peace with God and accepted the loss was part of my life and the pastor helped me to understand that I didn't have to like it but I had to accept it (light bulb moment there). In August I went to the dr (we were still doing fertility treatments) and found out I was pregnant again. Our due date?? April 11, 2000. ( Incidentally Jared was due April 11, 2002!!!!!!)

I often forget what a blessing my children are in the crazy and mundane life that is mine. I go through the motions every day and forget that this is an eternal work I'm doing. That I'm not just feeding and clothing these children. I'm part of the future with them!

Now, this was quite the heavy email (not my norm of joking and being silly or pics) but I just needed to share this-especially with a certain person (Angie) that reads my blog and is struggling with the empty arms that are caused by infertility...Remember Friend, God has a plan for you! Hang in there and don't give up!!!!!!

I'm sure my next post will be full of complaining again and I'll "forget" in the day to day that I am blessed--not stressed. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.


Tamara said...

Thanks for sharing Cara...and Angie hang in there....I have 3 blessings also that came with heartache that has been forgotten with time

Kristen said...

Nice blog Cara. It is true you dont have to like it but you have to accept loss as a part of your life. ((hugs))

Angie said...

Cara!! I just saw this - you are so sweet! It all is so true and I know that there are big plans in store for me. At times I feel like I've been forgotten and that becoming a mother will never happen - but I know that is not true. Thank you for posting this - it does help me more than you know =) (((hugs)))

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