Monday, October 13, 2008

Who I Am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able

(excerpt from Jessica Andrews' song)

It's not often that I relate personally to a country song (at least not since I was a broken hearted teenager dealing with angst and needing to have someone understand-even if it was a country singer). My life is pretty good-no cryin', lovin' or leavin' tears in my beer. But this song just really started running through my mind over and over and had me thinking how we are the sum total of all we come from and all we experience. I am a firm believer in "NO REGRETS". When you go through something (whether it's a bad choice you make or something incredibly sad) it's part of who you are.

And you can never use one word to describe you all of the time. Every person is a dichotomy in some way or another. We are all saints and we are all sinners. We all spend time as losers and time as winners. At times we are steady as rocks and at times we are more like quicksand. And that's who we are.

I started thinking also about who I come from. I am so much a part of my parents and my grandparents. All of those people shape your life in some way. My grandparents spent a lot of time with me that made a big difference. I believe every child needs someone to love them and want to spend time with them. Parents "have to" because it's their job. I knew my grandparents wanted me with them for the pure joy of having me there. That is really special!

I remember the time I spent with my mom (especially before she re-married) as some awesome girl-time! We drove down the road going to and from the lake singing Hank Williams Junior songs. We went to garage sales (although this was not as "cool" as I got older...but even then she told me how I could tell the other kids where I got my clothes from without lying-"Just say your mom got them for you") Thanks mom, for that. For understanding that while I appreciated the clothes, I also was a kid, amongst kids (who can be the meanest people ever!)

For my dad...who never made me feel like a "step-child". He was the dad he "didn't have to be".

There are so many other people who shape who we are but those are the immediate ones and the most influential...

These days I get so caught up in being a mother and a wife that I sometimes forget I have other roles in life. I almost feel that if someone doesn't know I'm a mom then they'll think I'm nobody. (The rare occasion that I don't have my children with me I feel the need to announce to people that I do have children!? What's with that?)The thoughts this song brought to mind just help remind me that I am not just one thing. I am so many things all combined-and THAT'S WHO I AM.

And you know what? As I have gotten older I like who I am!

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