Sunday, October 3, 2010

Making My Home

I was actually kind of formulating a post relating to this subject in my head-before I read Courtney's post at Women Living Well . But it was one of those ideas that I was just playing with in my head as I went about my duties. It might never have made it to my blog if it weren't for her challenge.

Courtney mentions two homes. Number 1 has a mom who is distant, distracted, crabby, discontent and doesn't pray. The woman of the home in number 2 is engaged (connected), manages her time wisely, pleasant, content and prays. As much as I hate to admit it-even to myself-I see more of myself in the description of the first woman.

I think (and this is more where my original thoughts would have taken me) that for a home to be happy and healthy the mother has to model (and purpose to teach as well) selfLESSness. The world tells us:
Take care of #1. Get time for yourself. You have to pamper yourself. You can't give and give and give...and never expect anything in return for yourself. You deserve {insert whatever it is that floats your boat}. And I have fallen into all of this thought process. And well-meaning people tell me this on a regular basis. Or that God understand when I'm crabby with my children, late for everything, distracted, and on and on. And yes, He does. BUT that doesn't mean I should not strive to do better.

Motherhood and wife-hood is all about putting others before yourself. It is counter-cultural to be sure. Proverbs 14:1 tells us "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." We are given the perfect instruction for having a happy home. I'm not talking about a perfect home, but happy. And I know that I can set the tone for that-or NOT. Much of it is my choice. My family really does often mirror me. If I'm mad at the kids when my hubby comes home from work, he's almost instantly irritated with them. If I use ugly tones to talk to my children (*gasp* talking down to them or using sarcasm) I hear it very quickly in my older children's tone with the younger ones (ok, Haley).

Being selfless is not martyrdom. It's not doing nothing for yourself (Jesus went off alone to pray and "refill"). It just means putting yourself at the bottom of the list when needed. The thing is, everything on the list is important and, even if you put yourself last, if you manage your time well, you will get to "you". I love to scrapbook and to occasionally go out with girlfriends for dinner. BUT, I can't do that if I haven't planned and provided dinner for my family FIRST. Or if someone is sick and needs me. Or if my husband has had a rough day at work. In the same way, if I want to exercise, I need to plan out how that is going to work and make sure that the children are cared for FIRST. And that should not involve heavy sighing (ok, I'm airing all my dirty laundry now), scowling and crabbiness.

I think we (as a culture) spend so much time thinking about ourselves that we don't give anyone else a chance to think about us. Do you follow that? It's kind of like how you feel sorrier for someone who is in pain and NOT complaining and feeling sorry for him or herself.

I must CHOOSE to be patient, kind, loving, diligent, respectful and selfLESS. They are watching. And so is my Heavenly Father. That is my goal for this week.

Now, I'd better get to bed, so I can take care of those I love without being crabby. :)


Sherry @ Lamp Unto My Feet said...

So true! I think of the the acronym of JOY
to have the abiding joy! :)

I'm joining in on the Making My Home A Haven challenge, too. :) God's peace in our home is the best peace! :)
Great to meet you!

Theresa said...

Visiting from Courtney's Challenge. I agree, we are to serve others not ourselves!

Sharon Cohen said...

Your discovery and definition of selflessness is the key to success in the home - marriage and/or motherhood. For me - empty nested grandmother as I am - I am fortunate to have one and only one to sacrifice for. And even then, I was staggering.

I am so glad to wake up and take part in this challenge from Women Living Well. I get to meet and be inspired by women like you. I'm the link with the Dean Martin Picture if you'd like to stop by. Wish you could smell my candle.

Brittany @ The High-Heeled Housewife said...

Very true! It always bothers me when I hear women talking about taking care of themselves and not worrying too much about their families. You go, girl!

Jessica said...

Great post! I struggle with having the distracted, discontent home, and i'm so glad Courtney is doing this challenge.

gina said...

This is a great post! I notice the selfish trend so much -Often justified or made to seem normal - But, I agree with you - it is a choice. One we will be blessed in making. The alternative is so ugly - Selfish parents raising a selfish next generation.

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