Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Baby-Part I

So, about 3 years ago I was in tears. I wanted a 3rd baby soooo bad I would just cry and cry (and I never-literally never-cry). The problem? My husband was satisfied with status quo. He didn't want to rock our world. I waited, and I prayed. A LOT. And not all nice prayers. Some of my prayers were so raw with emotion that only a woman wanting, no not wanting, needing a baby. It's a primal need to have a baby. I had felt this before but the difference was that Harold was on board the other time(s). I don't know which was worse, both of us wanting one and it being totally out of our control (control is an issue I have) or me alone in the wanting and knowing better than to nag, trick or manipulate my husband. He's a pretty strong guy anyway but I could've tried. I knew better though. I value my marriage and therefore knew better. We had gone over this several times since Jared was born and I would break down in tears (not the manipulative kind, just the truly sad ones). Long story short I was going to be in a wedding in Austin. We decided that I would go alone rather than both of us go and drag the 2 kids along-since I would be busy as matron-of-honor. This was at the height of one of these spells where I was so upset-wanting a baby, needing to feel that life inside of me again. I thought sure, after he'd had to do EVERYTHING the whole weekend with the two kids I would never get my baby. I went. After the wedding I drove most of the night to get home so I could go to church with my family on Sunday morning. When I woke (after only a couple hours of sleep)my wonderful husband told my bleary-eyed self that he wanted another baby. You know what I did? I hit him-not violently I'm not a violent person! I thought he was joking. After we cleared up that little misunderstanding I was the happiest (even if tired) I had been in a long time! This wasn't a thing he agreed to just to placate his emotional wife. He gave me all the right answers to let me know that. I never wanted to have a baby w/o him being just as into it as I was. I knew that having 3 kids would be a lot if there was any resentment. He told me (sniff sniff) that he realized how quickly the kids were growing up and how much he wanted to see all the firsts again-the first smile, the first time the baby finds his or her hands and feet, the first word, first step...He was on board! That is installment one coming soon. :)

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