Saturday, August 15, 2009

Our Story

I don't think I've ever told this story on my blog and I probably should. Beginning our family was not as easy as it is for some people (although I now know it was also not as hard as it is for others). We got married in August of 1994-yup, it'll be 15 years in a couple of weeks! I wanted to start a family right away but knew that Harold was right to want to wait. We were very young and were actually sharing an apartment with his brother (for about 6 months). Better to wait. Ok, a year goes by and he says it's okay to start trying for a baby! Yay!!!!

Here is where I insert that I know he was not uber-excited about it, but was willing to go for it. I think he wanted a baby but it was very abstract to him.

So, we end any preventative measures and wait. They tell you in your health class in school that it only takes once, right? That it's so "easy" to get pregnant. Well, the years go by and NOTHING. I have had some issues all of my life (that I know now are called Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and that made it really difficult to conceive. So, we began the roller coaster of Clomid. Clomid is a fertility drug that is supposed to make you ovulate. Yay. Now, it'll be any time, right? Nope. Month after month of disappointment.

Here is where I insert (on behalf of Harold) that, at times, Clomid apparently made me a raging lunatic of a woman.

Now, in this time period there were times we had to forgo trying for a baby because Harold would have to work out of state-even if you're fertile Myrtle that does not lend to conceiving a baby. And I'm not.

Finally, in January of 1999 I found out that I was pregnant! Yahoo!!! But, I had this "irrational" fear that something would go wrong. Turns out I was right. I lost the baby in February of 1999. Not good. I then went through quite the rebellion against God and my body-shaking my fist at God and not treating my body very well. I was so angry. All the women who were pregnant and didn't want it...and I wanted nothing more than that baby.

Turns out, God had plans to bring me to my knees. After a couple of months of living like there was no God (but all the while knowing there is) and trying to ignore His existence, I went to my pastor and got things all worked out-I will forever be grateful to that pastor for telling me this, so simple but so profound: You do not have to like it, but you have to accept it. God did not expect me to be excited that I'd lost my baby but that I had to accept that it was His will. That was April 11, 1999. I was feeling much better and had faith that God would indeed bless us when the time was right.

The doctor gave me the go-ahead to try again (I had to wait for physical healing after the miscarriage) and after 2 months on the Clomid I conceived Lindsay! Her due date? Ready for chills?? April 11, 2000. Yep. A year to the day that I worked things out with God! How awesome is that?

Awesome pregnancy (no trouble-not even a moment of sickness!!!) and great birth experience! I nursed her for 13-14 mos when I decided I'd better stop and start trying to have another baby because we wanted them reasonably close together. We thought that it would take at least 2 months to get another one on the way, right? Well, after the first month of clomid I took a test at home and it was.....negative! Bummer, oh well. On to the next cycle, right? But you have to wait for the cycle. So, I went to the doctor for my annual check up and wait a minute...the test was what??? Positive!?

This pregnancy wasn't so easy but very healthy. The due date?? You won't believe it if I tell you! April 11, 2002! Again, same date! Coincidence? I think not. :)

I had to wait several years for Harold to be ready for a third and it came when I least thought it would. I had to go out of town for a wedding I was in. We decided to have Harold and the kids stay home as I was in the wedding and would not be able to care for the kids anyways and it was easier for him to take care of them at home. I figured that was it. Once he had to do it "all" for a whole weekend there would be no #3. I got home in the middle of the night and the next morning (when I'd had very little sleep) he told me that he wanted to have another one! I'm embarrassed to say that I hit him. Just on the arm, but still... I was so sure it was a mean joke. Nope! He told me that the kids were so much older and he realized how much he wanted to see all the baby stuff again (all the "firsts"). 3 months later we found out we were due to have a baby in February. Actually I was in Missouri with the kids when I found out. But there were problems. I was bleeding. And had to get home (a 2 day trip) before I could figure out what was going on. Needless to say, everything was okay-it was a case of placenta previa that cleared halfway through the pregnancy but caused more than a few heart stopping moments.

So, now we are 5! Complete! Right? We decided we did not want to have any more children. While we love the ones we have 3 was plenty to keep us busy.

Here is where God shows His hand again. I went off of my birth control because I'd tried to do a cleanse and felt so ill from it (but I was only going off of it long enough to start a different one as soon as possible). Next thing I know...I'm pregnant! What? I have to have Clomid to get pregnant, right? Isn't that how that works?

So, that's my story! I have learned through our reproductive story that I really have no control. Nor do I want it. Ok, so I still do try to hang onto some vestige of control most of the time...but I also am so amazed that Nathan is on the way after all of that! And so glad.

I know that was long (hey, it spans 14 years!) but really felt like sharing it. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I think for my next post I might just do a belly picture. Don't worry, I'll cover the belly for the picture! ;)


Anonymous said...

It's interesting how our journey goes, and how we get to where we are now. My mantra? "One child at a time" - I can't say at this point in my life if we are done or if we'll have more. Our lives are always changing. It's in God's hands.

squirrelgirl said...

What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with us.

gina said...

I loved reading your story - I figured you had a good one... most humble people are for a reason. I think you nailed it - that the point of hard things is ultimately to bring us to our knees and give the "control" over to HIM. I was always so afraid of doing that - yet when I finally gave it up - gave it over to HIM - began the happiest, most peaceful part of my life so far. Not the "easiest" at all - but peaceful because finally I didn't feel alone going through it. HE totally blessed me for doing the hard thing -I love having that experience which gives me confidence and hopefully will keep me strong and faithful for the next round of tests that assuredly will come. Aren't you so glad to know what you know, that you have your faith, even if it was hard to learn and develop- and learned through loss and struggle? It makes life really something. Gives it all a real, and worthwhile purpose.
Thank you for sharing. We have so much we can learn from each other's stories and journeys.

With love,

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