Change in the Air

So, we have some possible change in the air. Not sure yet-which makes it even worse!
And I have some people in my family who are not big on change. Once we talked about moving (about 3-4 blocks away) and the older 2 kids FREAKED OUT. Seriously. You'd have thought I told them I was moving around the world with them or something.

This is all so weird to me....while we have lived in the same house for over 7 years now, I don't know how many houses I lived in growing up. A new school was a yearly thing (at least) and I just (for the most part) shrugged and said "Ok"...I looked at it mostly as a chance to kind of start over. I didn't reinvent myself or anything, just thought, hey, no one knows me or anything about me at this new place!

And the change that we are possibly facing is not something we can just be excited about-because it's sad too. And scary (although that sounds a big melo-dramatic in a way)! And I don't like dragging the kids along for uncertain things. Even though I know it teaches them to roll with it (whatever "it" is in life....there are a lot of things to "roll with") and to be flexible.

And it's not a "we have to do this" kind of change-like a job is forcing it or something....

But, I just keep thinking that maybe God is leading us to something. That He has something in His plans for us. That this could be a good thing. Or maybe it's nothing. And the change won't be what we are supposed to do....but I feel if we never explore this opportunity when we've been stirred up we might miss a blessing. And maybe we will BE the blessing.

Maybe He's been preparing us for such a time as this (loosely quoted from Esther-the Veggie Tales version)....

So, here goes a leap! And with 6 of us leaping, the splash could be BIG.

And this one is....

Eleven. My mister is 11. But just the other day he was this:

And then he was this:

And then:

But NOW he's 11!!!!!

Sadly I didn't get any pictures of his birthday party and actually he's not very wild about having his picture taken anyways...He chose the SIMPLEST (for me) birthday party EVER. Really. He wanted: some pizza ($5 each) and some friends and a cake. At a park by the water that we call "the Dunes" and to have an airsoft war. The Dunes provide the perfect set up for this because it's kind of like a desert setting and you can hide behind and around the sand dunes (which are packed). Then the cops came. Seriously.

Someone who was just bored or something called the cops on my 11 year old's dream birthday party. Airsoft, in case you don't know, is like a bb gun but the bb's are plastic. They sting but do not REEEALLY hurt anyone (unless you do point blank or shoot someone in the eye). And the boys were only shooting each other, not other people. There were not even any other kids trying to play in the sand dunes and although there was another child's party on the playground, the boys were nowhere near there! Thankfully:
a)the cop was SUPER nice about it. He was talking to the boys about their guns and told them he was sorry but since they were called he had to ask us not to do it, etc....
b)a friend who was there with her 2 boys lives just outside the city limits. So, although we lost our "dunes" set up, we got to still have a party where the kids could play war. So, it was a happy birthday after all! (April 9-that's how far behind I am people!)

Finally 13!!!!!!

I've posted a lot about dealing with kids growing up (and how I really don't think I like it)...but I usually focus on the little ones. How their growing up affects this mama. But what about this?

I'm the mom of a teenager now! *GASP* I'm not sure how that happened and I'm pretty sure I didn't approve it. But time marches on...

 On April 7 Lindsay turned 13. And at some point, in some moment of naivete denial stupidity I told her that when she turned 13 she could wear make up!! She reminded me of this shortly before the "big" day. Funny, I don't remember that but I'm quite sure I did say it(I wore make up at 13 so I probably saw that as a great time to let my daughter do that).

For the first time ever she didn't want a party for her birthday. Funny, because she considered this birthday "HUGE"! She wanted to celebrate with a friend and go out to dinner and a movie and do some shopping. I surprised her with a pedicure.

We had so much fun with that. There was an, ahem, older man in one of the pedi chairs and he was really enjoying it. He had the massage chair going and it looked like he was "shimmying"! We were dying! Then we wondered what the (chinese?) people were saying in their language about our feet.... All in all though, it was just a nice time.


She got a purity ring for one of her presents. A ring that reminds her that waiting to be intimate is possible. And only good can come from it. She chose one that is black and has in-set stones (rhinestones) and it has the Bible verse on the other side. We have such different taste. But that's ok. I'm learning ;).

And if that wasn't bad enough....read my next post!

Crazy Month!

Once again...I have all these grand ideas about blogging and by the time I get to my computer to balance my checkbook...I don't have 2 cohesive thoughts to put together! I'm not sure how all these moms (homeschool moms too!) keep up with their blogging and the posts are so "put together". I stand in awe...or maybe I sit. Or lay. Because I'm tired.

We have been camping as a family (the whole reason we took a season off of sports...and still it's been hard to find time to go!)

The kids and I drove over 2600 miles to Florida to visit friends and family! That was definitely an adventure-especially when one little girl's bladder has apparently shrunk to the size of a pea!

Came back from Florida to go STRAIGHT to another camping trip with Jared's scout group! And trust me there are no pictures of that one!

Said goodbye to friends :( We miss them so much!

And that was March by the way. Another issue? I've had trouble uploading pictures. My camera battery died. Again. And my google+ account was not being friendly to my "instant upload" command. There. That's why I haven't blogged. ;)

How Did This Happen?

Despite my intentions to live intentionally this year, somewhere I got lost. In life. And since I'm the mom...if I'm behind everyone is behind. I don't like it but that's how it is. Same as the saying "If mom's not happy ain't nobody happy"...You've heard it, right? And you've probably experienced it. Whether with your own mom or in your home as the mom.

We have a lot of pressure as moms (I'm not complaining, it was and is my dream job!). Our mood affects the whole family. Seriously, my husband can be in a good mood but if he senses I'm...less than happy...he becomes grumpy and sour.  The kids can be in a great mood, but if I'm cranky, BAM!, Everyone is cranky!? What is that about? It's one of those things that JUST IS.

Anyways, I digress (I am a rabbit hole person if you haven't noticed...functionally ADD)

So, when my two oldest children were small I worked hard. Very hard. To train them. To teach them. To be plugged in. I never threatened a consequence that I didn't follow through. Seriously. I just didn't. It didn't matter if I was tired, if I had to get up to follow through I did it. And I was a "single" mom most of that time (I was happily married, he just worked out of state. All. The. Time.). In a way it was easier that way because I didn't need to confer with anyone else AND I knew it was ALL ME, ALL THE TIME. I didn't sit and wait for someone else to pick up the slack. I knew I had to do it all, so I planned for that. We ate dinner early b/c I knew I had to wash the dishes AND bathe them. I got up early to work out because...if I didn't....it's really hard to work out with little ones underfoot.

Somewhere, somehow...I lost the mojo. I think it might have been somewhere around kid 3. Kid 3 is not the easiest kid anyways (I love her, really!) and it threw us into "The Zone" parenting. You're fielding way more little people than you have hands or brains. Or anything else. And on very little sleep I was grumpy. And barely surviving. So, we switched into survival mode. The goal wasn't to parent effectively, it was to survive. Each day.

And somewhere in those sleepless nights and zombie days I let go of the training I worked so hard for. My older kids started slipping on things. And between feeling guilty for my crankiness and constant unavailability and just inability to do more than survive...I let things slide. Things that seemed small at the time but have built up. When Jared was 2 he took his plate to the sink or trash. By himself. Now? He's 11 and often doesn't do it. And guess what? I don't call him back. I do it. It's easier. But it's not RIGHT! And now with 4 children (and a husband and puppy-a very large puppy) I'm overwhelmed.

Completely overwhelmed. I have shut down. All I want to do is sleep because it's an escape. And when I'm in my escape (sleep) I don't have to face any of the stuff. The dishes, laundry, dirty floors and bathrooms. Training of kids.

Woah! I just said I'm running from all of my responsibilities!!!! Yeah. Time to get back on track. Time to start re-training the ones I trained before and TRAIN the ones I haven't really ever trained. (I've done the basic obedience training, FYI...just not the stuff where they clean up after themselves, etc!)

So, here goes. It's not a New Year's Resolution...just a Mid Year's Revolution. I'm overthrowing the current government in the house and taking command back! With my husband's support of course. ;)