Friday, April 19, 2013

How Did This Happen?

Despite my intentions to live intentionally this year, somewhere I got lost. In life. And since I'm the mom...if I'm behind everyone is behind. I don't like it but that's how it is. Same as the saying "If mom's not happy ain't nobody happy"...You've heard it, right? And you've probably experienced it. Whether with your own mom or in your home as the mom.

We have a lot of pressure as moms (I'm not complaining, it was and is my dream job!). Our mood affects the whole family. Seriously, my husband can be in a good mood but if he senses I'm...less than happy...he becomes grumpy and sour.  The kids can be in a great mood, but if I'm cranky, BAM!, Everyone is cranky!? What is that about? It's one of those things that JUST IS.

Anyways, I digress (I am a rabbit hole person if you haven't noticed...functionally ADD)

So, when my two oldest children were small I worked hard. Very hard. To train them. To teach them. To be plugged in. I never threatened a consequence that I didn't follow through. Seriously. I just didn't. It didn't matter if I was tired, if I had to get up to follow through I did it. And I was a "single" mom most of that time (I was happily married, he just worked out of state. All. The. Time.). In a way it was easier that way because I didn't need to confer with anyone else AND I knew it was ALL ME, ALL THE TIME. I didn't sit and wait for someone else to pick up the slack. I knew I had to do it all, so I planned for that. We ate dinner early b/c I knew I had to wash the dishes AND bathe them. I got up early to work out because...if I didn''s really hard to work out with little ones underfoot.

Somewhere, somehow...I lost the mojo. I think it might have been somewhere around kid 3. Kid 3 is not the easiest kid anyways (I love her, really!) and it threw us into "The Zone" parenting. You're fielding way more little people than you have hands or brains. Or anything else. And on very little sleep I was grumpy. And barely surviving. So, we switched into survival mode. The goal wasn't to parent effectively, it was to survive. Each day.

And somewhere in those sleepless nights and zombie days I let go of the training I worked so hard for. My older kids started slipping on things. And between feeling guilty for my crankiness and constant unavailability and just inability to do more than survive...I let things slide. Things that seemed small at the time but have built up. When Jared was 2 he took his plate to the sink or trash. By himself. Now? He's 11 and often doesn't do it. And guess what? I don't call him back. I do it. It's easier. But it's not RIGHT! And now with 4 children (and a husband and puppy-a very large puppy) I'm overwhelmed.

Completely overwhelmed. I have shut down. All I want to do is sleep because it's an escape. And when I'm in my escape (sleep) I don't have to face any of the stuff. The dishes, laundry, dirty floors and bathrooms. Training of kids.

Woah! I just said I'm running from all of my responsibilities!!!! Yeah. Time to get back on track. Time to start re-training the ones I trained before and TRAIN the ones I haven't really ever trained. (I've done the basic obedience training, FYI...just not the stuff where they clean up after themselves, etc!)

So, here goes. It's not a New Year's Resolution...just a Mid Year's Revolution. I'm overthrowing the current government in the house and taking command back! With my husband's support of course. ;)

1 comment:

squirrelgirl said...

I love that last paragraph!

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