Have you ever seen something or someone that you'd rather be-besides yourself? (I know, this is contradictory-is that a word?-to my post a few days ago...but bear with me) I think one of the things I get most jealous of is the mothers who can just let things (ie obsessive housecleaning, computering, reading, etc) and just love on and play with their little-and not so little-ones. Every night after the hectic bedtime routine is done and all my children are asleep I wonder if I hugged them enough. If I touched them when they needed the reassurance of Momma's touch. Did I say the right thing? Or was I too harsh in my responses? Too impatient with little questions? Too rushed to stop and smell the flowers? The answers to these questions are unfortunately not in my favor. I'm pretty sure I would fail the test.
The thing is, I wanted my kids soooo bad. I couldn't imagine being anything or anyone else besides a mom in this life. I chose to stay home with my kids-I didn't have to. And yet I wonder if, because I'm with them all day long every day, I take for granted the time I have with them. Whether we're with our children for a few hours a day or all day every day we still only have a finite amount of time that they are ours. They can be "taken from us" in a split second, they will grow up-it's just inevitable. It will happen. And when that time comes will we remember the carpet that was clean? The doctor appointment that we were on time for? Or will it be the disappointment in our child's face when we shushed him or her because of cleaning the carpet, or getting the school work done (sometimes I catch myself stifling my children's natural curiosity to "get school work done". That is so not what homeschooling is supposed to be about-not the vision I had when we started I remember when my big kids were little we lived in a house that had a resident lizard outside of our front window. I used that little lizard as a constant example of the benefits of homeschooling...how I could take the time to stop and watch the lizard with them rather than rushing them off to school...and yet...am I taking time to stop and watch the lizards these days? Mostly no.)
I must keep in mind the vision I had for my home school when I first started. Yes, we have to get a formal education also, but there is so much to learn in the little things. The every day things that aren't inside of a book...I must remember those too!