Yesterday I had to take Lindsay to the doctor and while we were waiting, there was a tiny little red-faced newborn in the waiting room. And my heart melted. Of course I had to get the details from her mama and she only weighed 7 lbs 1 oz. I wouldn't even know what to do with one that tiny. But I sure did itch to hold that little bundle of pink sweetness. (No, I did not ask to, lest her parents think I was a nutty woman and run screaming from the waiting room.)I've come to the realization that as a woman I will never, ever lose the awe that leads to "awwwww" when I'm looking at a newborn. For just a moment (okay, it was a little longer than that) I wished with all of my being that Nathan wasn't my last. I know. I know. Four is enough for me. And I've had my turn. And all that. Yada yada. But still...
Nathan is just growing up too fast (never mind the others that are crazy big!). And I can't fathom that I will never again hold a newborn that is MINE. And take him or her home from the hospital and be completely responsible for that little tiny being. Never again will I beg God for sleep because a newborn won't let me. And cry when it doesn't happen. That is just too much. Never will I snuggle up in my bed with my newborn-just so I can be close to him or her. Never is a long time....
The practical part of me is so ready to move on to the next phase. The phase where I get to enjoy my big kids. The time of life where I get to sit back (for the most part) while we're camping at the river and WATCH my kids. Rather than jumping up and down...running back to the camper to put a sleepy baby down for nap. Getting drinks, snacks. Constantly NEEDED. But that mommy's heart inside of me will sure miss it.
I guess I'll just have to wait for grandbabies. And that makes me smile really big.
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