I Am So Blessed!

To have so many good friends-even ones I've never met!
And to have a doctor that doesn't brush off my fears .
And to have....thusfar a healthy pregnancy going on!

Yup! Thanks for the prayers and thoughts! We did not do an ultrasound yet because it's still super early and could be that it would only scare me more if they can't find the teeny tiny baby at this point. So, I have one scheduled for next Friday but my doctor seems very positive. She also has a plan for helping me with my fears. She said anytime I have an anxiety attack I can come in! How great is that? Not, being brushed off but validated...! I'm so excited to work with her through this pregnancy!!!!!!!

I'm going to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each and every day I have with my little miracle.

How Can It Be?

That a day can be so long and so short at the same time???

I was very blessed by some Praise songs I was listening to on the way to run an errand. What a great God we have...no matter, good or bad He will be there for me. I just have to reach out. I'm not saying I will handle this with all the grace in the world, but I will get through it.

In my Bible Study (Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore) she encouraged us to fill in these blanks with the worst case scenario we could think of (for those of us women who are worriers, ummm, that about covers all of us I'll bet): If __________________________ then ___________. The first blank was for the worst thing...the second blank was to be filled out with only one word GOD.

My God He was, My God He is, My God He's always going to be......

**and thanks for the prayers, wishes and thoughts. It means the world to me.

So Scared....

A couple of days ago I started to just feel really scared that something is "wrong" with this little one God gave us. I had no reason...just a nagging sense. Or maybe (hopefully) just paranoia. My mom has reminded me that I've felt this way with every pregnancy I've been through (and hey, 3 out of 4 stuck!) She also recommended that I try to move my dr appointment up a little. And the receptionist offered to do just that. She told me she could move it up by 2 days (still almost a week away). So, I asked to have the nurse call me back. Voila! You gotta talk to people in higher places! I am going in today at 3:15.
After this call I was feeling slightly better...then I took a catnap with Haley and woke to...concrete evidence that something could very well be wrong. (Could be okay still, but I just basically "wrote it off" at that point-easier to expect the worse and have a good surprise than stick my head in the sand and be "surprised" with bad news...been there done that).
So, I will be at the dr's office in about 7 hours now...and we will see. Once and for all if I'm paranoid...or very intuitive. I hope it's paranoid......
I hope to have good news, but if not, it wasn't meant to be I guess.

Embryonic Development

So, when I think of my little bitty baby growing inside of me, this: or this:

is not what I want to think of.
What I prefer to picture in my estrogen fueled fantasy world is this: or better yet:just the teeniest, tiniest version of it you can imagine. Of course I know s/he is not already wearing a diaper and needs some cleaning up...but still. Isn't it much sweeter than the first images??

Wholehearted Parenting

I tried to do this blog yesterday, but I just deleted everything I had written. Yesterday I didn't even feel qualified to be called a parent, let alone write about it. Today, I'm getting a jump on this before the kids wake up. In the morning I have vision, I have motivation. I can see how our day is going to go. Does it generally go that way? No. But isn't the thought (and effort) what counts? My intentions and heart are right, sometimes it just gets lost in the real life aspect of our day. When chores are done sloppily or not done at all, when the kids not only don't do what I say but fail to even acknowledge that I spoke, when everyone's things are everywhere...but where they belong. That's when that vision and motivation get lost...in the infinite clutter. Physical clutter as well as emotional and mental clutter.

Here are the things that are important though:
:LOVE--1 Corinthians 13:13-And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. Love won't do it all, or parenting would be the easiest job of all, but love is the first, necessary essential in parenting...now, here's the catch: 1 Corinthians 4-8a-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...
That is where it gets tricky. I often forget that love isn't just what you feel for your children (or anyone else for that matter) but what you choose to do for them. It's easy to say you love someone...but am I being rude? self-seeking? patient? kind?

:TRAINING Proverbs 22:6-Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Training though is not as easy as it sounds (trust me I know...)Training is day in and day out. It's not just spanking or disciplining a child when s/he has done wrong. It involves so much more. It's teaching self-discipline, talking with your child about right and wrong, Biblical reasoning is also very important-it's not just us they need to obey and realize they will be disciplined by...Training is a 24/7 thing. All the time. Even when you're tired. Even when you're sick. Even when you just plain don't want to. (I must put in a disclaimer here: I was much better at this as a mom of 2 than I am of a mom of 3...better get a handle on that before I'm the mom to 4, huh?)

:TEACHINGDeuteronomy 11:19-Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Wow, that involves a lot of the day! when you sit, when you walk, when you lie down and when you get up! That's...all the time! Proverbs 1:8-Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Now for my family that means homeschooling. I was called to it (believe me, it's the only way I could persevere in it...there are days when I'd love to throw in the towel, but it's more pleasant to do something difficult than to live outside of God's will...been there, done that, no fun!).

And sacrifice. This might mean money (we are a one income family that sometimes struggles to get by because my career pays very little monetary reward, oh wait, it pays no monetary reward!), time (we rarely have time without the kids), vanity (you think I like these stretch marks I sport?), sleep (I've slept through the night about three times in the last 2 years).....and the list could go on and on.

I forgot one...lots of time "on the knees". Prayer. This is one that I often put last and if I'd put it first...my life would be so much smoother and easier! :)

Believe me, I haven't got it all down. This post was for me. Maybe my next post should be on godly womanhood. Something I need lots of work on in order to truly be a godly wife and mother!

Whinese

Does anyone understand whinese? Or have a tourists guide to understanding it? I'm so over it. Haley whines (when she is not screaming) constantly. I'm doing the "not responding" thing...we'll see where that gets us. When she cries for no reason I tell her to do that in her bed. She usually then signs "all done" and stops for a bit.
I have never had a toddler that seemed so unhappy! :(

Some Unexpected News!

(lean back and it's not so blurry--I was shaking people!)
I think the shock is starting to wear off. We are pregnant with number 4!!!! No fertility treatments, no trying, nothing. Just a bfp (big fat positive). I confirmed it at my dr's office but have not seen her yet. It's really kind of early to be telling everyone, but what're you gonna do? I would burst if I tried to hide it. Besides....if history repeats itself for me...I'll be unable to hide it within a week or two.
My sister-in-law calls me and says to me "so, you couldn't let me be pregnant alone" (she was joking of course)...we were pregnant with her first and Haley (my third) at the same time too, but that one was because I went on clomid and tried to have a baby! This? Total surprise.

What I'm learning through this? Not to close doors in your heart that God might want to use. Up to a month ago I was ADAMANT that I was having NO MORE babies. I was DONE. My quiver was full!! Then at my checkup about 3 weeks ago now, my dr told me it was a possibility for me to have ovulated (and here I thought I had ovarian cancer or something-lol at me) and I told her "No, I don't do that" her response? "You do now, honey!" and she (I love my dr by the way) was chuckling at me the whole time and I kept saying "I don't do that"...That little conversation (although I still thought she was wrong) caused me to start softening towards the idea of another baby (thank You God for little preparations) so that by the time I tested I was most fearful of a negative result. I was only testing to get it over with and deal with the sadness of a negative test. Only, imagine my shock when it wasn't negative! Holy Moly. I was shaking so bad I couldn't do anything for hours! (Needless to say school was dismissed for the most part that day-teacher was having shaking equal to convulsions)
Back to what I'm learning...I had truly closed that door in my heart. I would tell people "You know why we have 3 kids? Because we don't want 4. ha ha ha ha" Well, not long ago I started feeling guilty about saying that. Thinking how I would feel if I found out I was pregnant, guilty towards the baby that I'd said I didn't want...So, I quit saying that (never thinking it would come to fruition). So, here we are! I'm only 4 weeks and 6 days, so it's very early on and I would love all the prayers for this little one that I can get. I will definitely keep you updated-prob'ly way more than you ever wanted! ;)

It Is Finished.

Yep, I know that Easter should be the focus this week and Easter is supposed to be about the supreme-ultimate in fact--sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. I am so thankful for God's plan for man's redemption...But, I am so sick of what Easter is now though. It's all about candy and spending more $$ than we have to spend to fill some basket with treasures that are FORGOTTEN within a few days. Add that to Birthday week (two kids, one week--need I say more? but you know I will, right?) and you have insanity!!!!!!

So, it starts out with 2 kids being born not only in the same month but the same week...2 days apart! I couldn't have done that if I tried...and believe me, I did not try! As these children get older they begin to want separate parties for their birthdays (understandable since they are different gender and one likes girly things and one---thankfully---does not like girly things).

This year Lindsay asked for a slumber party and being the insane stupid adventurous mom that I am I said "Sure!". And the planning started. We had a nice group of girls, all old enough that they should have no problem with staying overnight, right? It actually went well. We did manicures, made t-shirts and made smoothies with little umbrellas in them for fun! The girls had a blast and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Haley even made it til 12:30...not that I wanted her to, but she was so darn cute! And she made her own t-shirt and wore it for 24 hours... (I'll post pics of her in it after it's been washed. ;) )They had a pillow fight
...and the dog slept on .


The next morning while I was making the girls waffles for breakfast (which were judged as "great" even though I forgot the eggs! Oops!!) I started decorating Jared's cake! Yep, still in the midst of one party and was already working on the next one! Jared had the choice of going somewhere and taking one or two friends (Gattitown-a Chuck E Cheese for bigger kids, Funtrackers-go karts, video games and mini golf were some of his choices) but he chose to have an old fashioned party at home so he could invite more of his friends. I think that is such a nice choice. So we did a baseball themed party. With a baseball pinata and everything! Thing is, the kid does not understand keeping things within the theme. HE would not have hot dogs!? He says "mom, they make me sick" LOL, can't really argue that one--it's debatable that they are even food! ;) So, we had pizza for the second time in two days! All turned out great though and the kids loved everything and said how much fun they had...I think they both said "That was my best birthday ever"! That's all a mom wants....a little appreciation! :)

Big Day Here

1. Lindsay turned 9! And my mom called her "adolescent" hellooooo, mom. Don't you know I told Linds at birth that she was not allowed to grow up??

2. I'm fatter than I was yesterday! Yippee.

3. We got bunnies-which our dog apparently LOVES (or is that "would love to eat"???)

4. Oh, aren't 1-3 enough???
LOL

Hopefully will have bunny posts tomorrow. And Birthday news. And I'm sure I'll be fatter still.

Kelly...

Alright, Kelly I tag you for the 7 things! I would've in the first place but didn't know you read my blog! :) And maybe you'll, ahem, do it! (No pressure for all of you that I tagged in the first place who have completely ignored my "tag" thus far! ;))

The Rich Tooth Fairy

I'd really like to know where all these parents I know commission their incredibly wealthy tooth fairy. Mine apparently just does not have that kind of dough to throw around. My poor kids only get a measly $2 per tooth. (By the way, has that "rich" tooth fairy ever counted up how many teeth each child will lose before it's all said and done? It's 20 teeth! 20 teeth at $5 a pop...hmmm, that is $100! And if you have, say, 3 kids...well, that totals $300! Just in tooth fairy money.)

I propose all parents get together and hunt down and take out this tooth fairy that gives out too much money. She's just causing too much trouble.