Friday, April 17, 2009
Some Unexpected News!
(lean back and it's not so blurry--I was shaking people!)
I think the shock is starting to wear off. We are pregnant with number 4!!!! No fertility treatments, no trying, nothing. Just a bfp (big fat positive). I confirmed it at my dr's office but have not seen her yet. It's really kind of early to be telling everyone, but what're you gonna do? I would burst if I tried to hide it. Besides....if history repeats itself for me...I'll be unable to hide it within a week or two.
My sister-in-law calls me and says to me "so, you couldn't let me be pregnant alone" (she was joking of course)...we were pregnant with her first and Haley (my third) at the same time too, but that one was because I went on clomid and tried to have a baby! This? Total surprise.
What I'm learning through this? Not to close doors in your heart that God might want to use. Up to a month ago I was ADAMANT that I was having NO MORE babies. I was DONE. My quiver was full!! Then at my checkup about 3 weeks ago now, my dr told me it was a possibility for me to have ovulated (and here I thought I had ovarian cancer or something-lol at me) and I told her "No, I don't do that" her response? "You do now, honey!" and she (I love my dr by the way) was chuckling at me the whole time and I kept saying "I don't do that"...That little conversation (although I still thought she was wrong) caused me to start softening towards the idea of another baby (thank You God for little preparations) so that by the time I tested I was most fearful of a negative result. I was only testing to get it over with and deal with the sadness of a negative test. Only, imagine my shock when it wasn't negative! Holy Moly. I was shaking so bad I couldn't do anything for hours! (Needless to say school was dismissed for the most part that day-teacher was having shaking equal to convulsions)
Back to what I'm learning...I had truly closed that door in my heart. I would tell people "You know why we have 3 kids? Because we don't want 4. ha ha ha ha" Well, not long ago I started feeling guilty about saying that. Thinking how I would feel if I found out I was pregnant, guilty towards the baby that I'd said I didn't want...So, I quit saying that (never thinking it would come to fruition). So, here we are! I'm only 4 weeks and 6 days, so it's very early on and I would love all the prayers for this little one that I can get. I will definitely keep you updated-prob'ly way more than you ever wanted! ;)